A Little Heat
by idBendOver4Kakashi
Summary: Ch 7 is up: "Fifty-one" Some things come to light indeed. On with the story. On with the mission.
1. Solitary Confinement

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto or any of its characters and the like. If I did, I would be on a mission and not posting this.

**Author Note:** First fic here. I appreciate your patience with me already. Rated Mature for graphic violence and adult situations, eventual lemon(s) and whatnot. This starts choppy but our character is a bit choppy. It will progress as he progresses. Patience please and for those who have stuck with it thus far, I thank you.

Kakashi 36, Sakura 22. This story will not entirely be in Kakashi's POV.

* * *

**Solitary Confinement**

I have a knack for knowing good hardcore porn when I read the first few paragraphs. If they don't catch my attention, I don't read. I wish I had something new to read right now. Maybe he can make the covers camouflage from here on out. The orange is entirely too bright for such missions.

_-Two years. _

_Not caught._

_-Two years. _

_I miss my bed._

_-Two years. _

_It could be longer._

_-Two years. _

_-You're talking to yourself again._

_-Shut up and don't move. _

_-I'm bored. I miss our bed._

_-I said, shut up._

_-Wait, no, my bed. _

-_I am you. __Your bored self.__Your__ reasoning self. __Your unreasoning self._

_-Oh, shut up asshole. I haven't heard from you in a long time and I'm not ready to start._

_-Who else are going to talk to out here? Maybe you can ask that grasshopper out on a date. Oh, say Tuesday, 8pm? __"My tent or yours?"__ Oh __wait,__ no tents. Two years __of no tents, no fires…well, occasional fires. Ones, we lit. To pick up the mess that you created._

_-You haven't been here the whole time. Fuck off. You've been gone for years now. And_

_honestly__, to pick up the mess to cover my ass? There was no mess. Clean quick kills. __Accidents._

_-Yes, but you thought of me when you started teaching her. You could see that inner self screaming at everything around her. And you knew when she was yelling at you while punching him. It's your fault you know. It's almost cute_.

I have a keen sense of smell and acute hearing. My eyesight used to be better than 20-20, but in my old age, it's 20-20. My hair is gray, as some would say. I call it silver. But I don't talk about it. It's not a sore spot. It's not gray. It's been that way since the day I was born.

"It's silver." Whispered. Silence.

I guess you could say I have eight dogs, but they aren't mine to call my own even in my solitude. I live without them mostly. It's not like you have to walk or feed and water a summons. They like their beef rare though. I don't take them to the vet. They take themselves when they need to go. They track, hunt, and talk. I do the same. One of them uses women's shampoo and smells a bit like my former student. I think she almost hated me for it at one time or another, thinking I had heard their conversation. Lying, I said I hadn't. She tolerated the team for the rest of the day. She probably hates me now. I won't go there just yet.

Sometimes I am disturbed by the fact that the pug has settled down and mated more than I have and ever will. Not that I care, but it's just weird sometimes. Like every other day.

I don't use their names when I'm gone for this long. I don't use any names, even in my thoughts. It places them further away from me. Or does it place me further away from them? I'm so bored.

The hours pass in silence.

_-I'm not that old…am I? I haven't been home in two years._

_-You're not getting any younger._

_-You're going to dies before I do if you don't piss off._

On ANBU breaks I'd pick up a team. Against my will. My will. No longer entirely my will. Since when has it been? But I don't second guess it. Ahh, yes, will. ANBU. Fifteen. I'm twenty-nine now. Fourteen years off and on. Break. No break. In again at special request from the Lady herself. I almost thought of it. A name. For two years, I have been declared a missing nin. Two years and twelve days to be exact. I actually know what time it is for once and what the date is. And there is nothing I need to rush to get done. A little heat for today though. A little heat and then home. But not yet.

The never-ending day continued into night. The lone man was stuck until sleep over took those he was watching.

The sun is almost gone. Sundown. Is that a western term? Who was that guy in that movie? John something or other. What kind of name is John anyway? It's trivial. I can use it. Sunset. Ahh, cool air. I would love sit by a fire. Fire...him. Lighting his farts on fire. Hmmm. Can't say I've never tried it, but I was seven or so. Not fourteen. I'll have to do that with him on the next trip...maybe not. The other one, lighting his farts on fire with the Sharingan. Once, it actually went back in. What a stupid reason to go the hospital. _I_ got in trouble for that.

Team Seven. Kami may have ripped us apart; whether or not Kami or karma ripped us apart, or the karma of those that lead us to the road of varying or absolute paths, I will never know. It is not my intent to figure it out or dwell upon that very thought. We were what we were. We are where we are. I AM stuck in this tree. I have to pee. Two years and thirteen days of saying this over and over again. I wish I could send a clone to go do the deed and it would be the same for me in the end but no. Maybe that's a new Jutsu I'll work on, after a long needed break. Jutsu. Funny word. _Juuu-tsuuu_

For two years and twelve days. I am missing. Only to take the pressure of Konoha, as to make my absence valid and almost unquestioned. In hiding from Sound and Mist hunter nins. I hide myself away and attach myself to the group ahead of me. My objective. My target. My way home. This is the longest assassination attempt in the history of my assassin duties. It could be three years, but I think the group has left Konoha's last and botched attempt go. Three years have passed since the last attempt. I could be out here for another but no. I will not allow that. I have gathered enough evidence and know for sure. The group is less aware and is not looking for an assassin from the outside or amidst the ranks. Though small they be the possibility still lies without rest.

Several weeks of tracking, months of recon and reports back to a special team that knows of what I'm doing and my whereabouts. ANBU. Always a secret. Never bribed but considered with one's own life. Longer months of following. So very close. Fifty feet away is too far when staring at a lover. Fifty feet is too close to a group of supposedly adept ninja. But really, how adept can you be after being tracked and followed for two years and thirteen days. I'm just that good or they're just that stupid. I decide one point for me. Add it to the list. I believe I'm up twenty to zero. Twenty points isn't much over the course of 743 days. It's modest and in check. I should not get points for what I ought to do. Hm, most of the twenty are from not sneezing.

I do not know my targets name. I know that she goes by Chizu now. But this is not her given name. She changes her look weekly and changes her mind daily. Sometimes hourly. One week she dressed in rags and had one of her men tie her hands. She rolled in the dirt, messed up her hair in the mud and asked someone to giver her a black eye and a busted lip. A volunteer to get it over with. Though, I swear, I saw happiness in his eyes, and so did she. Hands tied and one black eye and busted lip later, bloodied clothes, she slipped a hidden kunai from her shirts sleeve and cut his throat. Adept ninja?

"Why?" he asked.

I silently laughed. They always ask "why?"

They walked closer to the town that day with her in tow. This was a vital stop to pick up some much-needed banned items actually. Herbs actually and nothing that sounded fun. She's up to something again. She's looking for something for the future. She's a murderess they say and they're leading her to Yuki no kuni-Snow Country. After all this time and running around the damned countryside. Lightning, Fire, Earth, Water, Wind. My name is in every Bingo Book. I've been watching my ass but I refuse to go to Snow. Too many tracks. Icy tracks and snow covered ground do not make for safe or prudent travel. Genjutsu to cover my tracks. Like hell I will. It will cost me too much in the long run.

I have to kill her soon.

I've been gone for some time now. My own bed. It's getting dark. Sleep is not allowed to visit me tonight. Sleep will not entertain me as its most welcomed guest. I will sleep in Konoha. Chizu reminds me of her on her best and worst days. Well, close. In temper and in strength, the occasional outbursts of emotion, the tear stained cheeks. At first I thought Chizu was kind of a puss but over time. Oh. She is sweet death. A mixture of all the best and worst things of the best women in my life. The few that there are. She deserves her spot in the Bingo Book and when I watch her in the mornings before the crew is awake, I see her face differently. Sometimes I think I see what's behind her eyes, but then I scoff at myself. Bitch. Damn, the Bingo Book is not enough for her. She's not as atrocious as Orochimaru but her work with him deems her to be assassinated before anything else can build up again.

She can act. She deserves some kind of award for her skills and her tastes. Watching her leave in yet another disguise this morning from the inn in some village, you would never know she was the same murderess on her way to Snow to die. She will die tonight. I will kill her. She was in running attire. I headed back to my hiding spot turned my hair black, removed my mask, jutsued my scar away and made both eyes...hmmm, blue. Yes, she's a sucker for dark hair and blue eyes. Brown was not meant for me. Black running shorts, white t-shirt. Oh. Hide ANBU tattoo. I took off running after her and caught up quickly. I wanted to get a better view of her neck. Passing.

"Left," I called out.

Where was I? Skiing? Dumbass I hissed. Far from out of breath and turning my head, I look behind me over to her. I am checking you out. Take the bait honey. Ooo, I think I just got the bedroom eyes. One point for me. Fraternizing with the enemy unknowingly, she ran up next to me. Long black hair pulled back into a ponytail and jade green eyes. I'd say they reminded me of someone and I know who, but there was something there in Chizus eyes that weren't in hers. Dammit, slow down woman. I catch back up and run side by side. Oh perfect access to view the crucial points on her neck. Flirtaceous looks from both sides. I flash my best devilish grin. She stops and I keep running.

"Can't keep up?"

Anger flashes in Chizus eyes. Murderous intent behind thoughts of fucking me. Two points for me, thank you, for insinuating the riot she currently was fighting against with her inner self. She could kill me or fuck me.

I turn down a path I know she will not run down.

"See you around," I finally call out.

I'd never let that woman put me in my place. As enticing as it seems, no way. I'd be down and out within a few hours. I'd probably feel okay with that...

_-You need to get laid Hatake. And it took you ten minutes to figure that out. Remember the last time you got laid?_

_-Oh, please go away. Self, meditate. __Duuuuuuuuuh_

The sun had long since set. Morning was not far off. The height and placement of the moon in the clouded sky told him it was roughly 2AM. She's always out at 2AM when the slobs called ninjas are passed out.

Kill her close or from afar? Why are you still struggling with this? Almost go time and I'm still unsure. Too long. A physical attack for sure. No chakra and at a distance. No chakra. No Raikiri. No mark of me having been here. I could maintain twenty feet and still go unnoticed. Senbon. Poisoned. In her neck. Then I'll take her head and be about my business. This poison. Ick. Something from her former comrade, Kabuto. There is no cure. I'm not touching that shit. Dip and throw. Not extreme. No suspicions. I am well balanced in Ninjutsu, Genjutsu, and Taijutsu.

Slow and quiet breaths awaited the chill in the night for Chizu to leave her place of slumber.

Sleeping in their tents are the rusty low ranking ninjas. They have become more like bored pirates without a ship. Lost. But their lady at the helm is ever ready to lead them into confrontation. Chizu is ever ready to disembowel the slacker or the traitor herself. This ship could run on self-sufficiency. She the fuel and turbines that run it and steer it. Adorning her natural form, Chizu, in her age of nineteen, steps out of her tent. Her naturally red hair hanging long on her back was picked up by the wind that blew from the south at roughly twenty degrees. Her built in sense of azimuthal direction being most beneficial to a senbon and poison expert.

It's a good night to practice in this odd wind. It creeps.

Walking near a larger tree, she turns and faces south to see a young tree. Looking out of place in the mature forest, it is seen as a naturally good target to her. It's bark grey with lichen patches seemingly tickle the trees delicate bark but rather, they cling and grow to it. Chizu sets her eyes upon a small patch of lichen, the smallest she can see. The moon is clouded and does not provide ample light. Grinning, she likes the challenge. After whipping out her large array of senbon, she lets the first slip from her fingers in a natural and swift fashion. Long skilled feminine fingers to match her height and build. She is sleek like a senbon. With a light swish, the senbon can be seen in the tree, sticking out far. Choosing a larger gauge senbon, she too lets it slip from her grip as if it wanted all along to propel itself at the tree and she the faculty providing it with stability without motion. Again. Bringing her hand bent toward her wrist, she flicks it and lets slip another senbon. Her pinky out stretched. Her ring finger bent toward her middle finger. Middle finger and index in front of a thumb that has positioned itself toward the tree. Her practice is swift and quiet. Rusty she is not.

I could take them all out now. They're rusty, tired, and low ranking suckers who have served their purpose. I have made it through Fire, Wind, Earth, and Lightning and Water in two years. I have thrown off Konoha. They could not possibly know where I was and where I was going. If they knew. They would know my business. The last poison in a series of thirteen. Thirteen poisons to bring the five great countries under. I have yet to make it to Snow to retrieve what I need last to complete the thirteenth. I do not need these men. They slow me down.

Watching Chizu, he was glad he had not laid his plan of attack in front of the mens tents yet. He wanted to assassinate her and then get to them. There would be no need to worry about her keeping quiet. She would die and they would be none the wiser. As he watched her turn, she wore that smile. It was as if Orochimaru himself had passed it on to her. He would bring one of the men back with him for interrogation. He didn't need to stay out here any longer and interrogate the man. He needed proper interrogation. He needed to meet the torture expert for himself and perhaps some others.

"You're going to die," he whispered, audible only to her.

They were a repeat of her own words. Words she had said to him once but failed and not miserably. Her specialties were poison and senbons, precision aim. He stayed in the shadows. She had recognized his voice and smiled. That man had mesmerized her. She would not forget anything about him. He had surprised her by seeming so lazy before their first fight. Stunned she tried to turn to where he was but could not find him. His whisper seemed to come from all places at once. She could not tell where he was. She was not rusty. She heard a rustle in the trees twenty feet away. Slipping then hitting a target, though not her target, she sighed. Her senbon had missed her true target as a bird fell to the ground. He winced as he had been sitting there when he spoke those words. Now, fifteen feet away from her, he spoke again.

"Did you enjoy our jog?"

Stunned again, she faced him. Day in and day out while sitting and hiding, listening, he'd gone over training regimens and practiced while hanging back from the group quite always, but only if he knew where their next destination would be. He would find them. He knew their scent so well. He had used his pack to find them if they strayed a little further. Small scale, nothing large. No trace. They never knew.

"How long?" she whispered back.

"Two years." Silence. "Thirteen days."

Anger flashed in her eyes. He had his senbon concealed and ready. There was something sickeningly delightful about killing an enemy with something they were proficient with. There were things he was quite proficient with as well. In one swift motion, she had reappeared ten feet from him, closing the gap. He'd drawn her successfully away from the campsite. Curiously, she tilted her head to the side. Left it leaned. He could almost hear the blood pulsing in the right side of the neck, acute hearing and partly because he wanted to.

"No more," she whispered.

If the cold steel of the senbon could ping and resonate from flesh, it would have. But it did not. It clashed with the steel arm plates and the black and gray of the ANBU uniform.

She could not see his face as it was covered by a white and red mask, hints of blue lightning down the right side. She knew what one-third of his face looked like from four years ago. It was too dark for her to fully see him now. The moon was shadowed by the clouds save for the light that surrounded it, showing it off like a lone eye. The trees smelled fresh and so did the air. The smell of cedar lingered. She knew it was him. He always smelled like cedar, and who didn't like its scent?

Ten feet away and swish. With a flip of his wrist, her time stood still. She caught a glimpse of sliver but only a glimpse of it. Before she could react or duck, hide or flee, she felt the cold sting. First, it was cold. Then it stung. Next, she felt a warm liquid spreading through her neck like a warm beverage on a cool night. It reminded her of the way sake felt going down her throat. A good strong sake. She knew what this feeling was. She had never felt it but had heard it described to her. First her voice would go and quickly.

She tried to scream to the men that she didn't need any more. The men she was about to dispose of herself in one big motion. It was gone. He walked over to her. Next, the sake-like feeling would find its way into her stomach to trick her the way the refreshing alcohol did. And then it would burn in her stomach, fueled even more by the acid that naturally resided there. Her sternum was on fire, burning, causing her breath to hitch. His Sharingan was exposed just in case. She clawed at her clothing, only to rip of her shirt and jab at her bindings. She tried to rid herself of the bindings ad she felt insinuated pressure between her breasts.

"This is quite pitiful actually," he whispered.

Was that a tinge of guilt she heard? No. Pity and triumph wrapped up in one.

She felt her stomach lurch.

_Am I going to throw up?_

She dreaded this moment. Pieces of her stomach burned away from the intact shell that was now her gut. She wretched and threw up, silently. No gluttleral throttle. Only acid and bits of her actual stomach revealed themselves. She knew what it was. Eyes wide in terror, she stared at him, wondering how he had gotten it. Was Kabuto dead?

Hopefully he is now, she thought.

Burning throat, eyes watering, stomach almost eaten away, she cried and wrapped her arms around her middle. She felt herself internally bleeding from everywhere and anywhere. As she wept in agony, only not to be heard, she recalled the last herb Kabuto had added. Its function was to shut off any sound the body and voice could make. Making what would be loud cries of death silent. She couldn't remember just now what it was. She couldn't remember much of anything. Her body would not allow her mind to function.

She sensed her motor skills coming to a halt and she forced her hands to touch any part of her that she could. Collapsing to the ground, Chizu was moments from death. As she lay there on her side, she could see her own tears pooling to the forest floor. She could taste bile, blood, acid, and poison. She could see her tears now as the clouds had been swept from the moon, illuminating her. Illuminating him. She looked one last time at him. He saw the blood running from her eyes in place of tears. It washed from her right eye, over her nose and down her left cheek, then to her jaw before being collected on the hard ground below her. Not even in this moment could she feel the soft ground and grasses she wished she could see. She would not die in peace. She would not die on a happy day in her life, nor would she pass away in a field of green under the setting sun as she wished she could. She did not want to die in battle for once. She just wanted comfort. Wanting, for the first time in her life- home. Chizu would not die in peace. Chizu would die in agony as the last string in her brain seared white hot, like the hot sting of vomiting during a horrendous fever, only worse. This she had never felt. This was the last thing she would feel. A final death rattle found her throat, though it was muffled slightly by his gloved hand, he did not cut off her air. He would simply let her die of her body's own accord with a kick-start from him. He pulled his hand away.

_Yes, a little heat today._

Unsnapping the katana secured to his back, Hatake Kakashi held it in front of himself and looked at it. He marveled at it. He wondered how many swipes this sword had taken in battle and how many times it had met and freed itself from an enemy neck in one swift swipe. He was graceful if anything. His tense arms rippled in the moonlight bringing him back to the task at hand. He picked her up by her hair and felt no remorse for doing so as her body and spirit had been separated.

This was the woman who had kept him away from home for two years. Though he had been happy to serve Konoha, he was highly agitated at the length of his absence. He took one last look at the black katana with blue lighting on it, scattered like the fleeting and zapping, crackling, chirping lightning of the Raikiri. He was proud of this sword.

He dropped her to the ground and unsheathed it. Picking her back up by the hair, he held her still for one last fleeting moment, starting at her blood soaked cheeks and face. It dripped down her neck and he smiled. In his smile, he let his arm guide the sword into a silent slashing motion. Her body fell limp with a thud to the ground. Blood had sprayed his white and black uniform. Blood had found its way to his ANBU mask.


	2. Don't Touch Me

**Disclaimer:** I do not not not own Naruto or anything of the like. If I did, there would be an episode in which our favorite sensei would do a strip tease and we would all be content. I must be sick.

**Don't Touch Me**

Everything was silent. Hatake Kakashi knew his mission wasn't over as he had nine men to dispose of...well, eight. He had to keep the one. It would have been fifteen had Chizu not killed off six of them in the past two years for him. Yet, the nine that remained were not wavering in their loyalty to her. He had seen the signs before she ever did. Having been and being an ANBU captain, it was his job among many others to spot mutiny at its first signs, which were the signs you could not easily see. The signs that suggest mutiny before the person themselves have considered it. It took two attempts on her life for Chizu to see them more clearly. Two blatant attempts at assassinating her. They had planned together and she took them out swiftly. Two were sick of crossing from country to country but could not leave. Their binding to her would kill them in an instant. She had sensed it and slit both of their throats. Two more felt slighted by their lives paths: to be controlled by a woman. Nothing about Orochimaru or his remaining small-scattered crew had been old fashioned. These men were in over their heads. It was all death all the time with a new twist on old ways. Twisted old arts and ways. Ways that were artistically twisted in some cases. Twisted old skill. Sickening new skill. It is the duty of youth to surpass its elders.

There was something in Kakashi that marveled at it all and rightfully so. Though there was never much he would consider using or doing unless badly needed. Moreover, there was only ever so much a man could see when presented to him. No touch, taste, smell, sound, or sight that was lost on him during his previous battles with anyone, especially during fights with Orochimaru and his dare he say henchmen. The word never appealed to him so he settled for assholes. Understatement of the year but that was one of the ways of the Hatake. He liked to keep it simple.

He had lucked out this time. His target had long thick hair that made it easy to hang from a nearby tree. It would drain quickly. Chizus mouth agape; it hung tied by her red hair. Her eyes open and a little more than blood shot. He preferred her this way, dead and gone. He scoffed.

_Isolation is getting old. I'm clearly too happy about this kill._

Stoically he stood there. No trace of emotion evident and certainly not happiness. Konoha could blow up and the man would not even frown. Perhaps his eyes would widen. Better yet, one eye would, but the other would remain silent in his internal despair. Hidden. He might do a double take.

Crossing to his pack, he unzipped the sleek black bag and extracted from it four orange scrolls. The sheen of the paper made it dance in the moonlight like fire. There were five tents. Two men to each tent and one man and what would have been Chizu in the last. The said man was her closest ally. Her confidant and guard. He was a smart meticulous man. He was he balance in the group when there was none. He was the voice of reason to Chizu when she was irrational. He was the honest voice she needed to hear when everyone else smiled and nodded. Now that she was gone, he too had to go. He was the backup for all of her plans. He knew everything inside and out, as did Chizu. Plans that were not his, they were hers. He was all too happy to help her carry them out. He was deadly in his own rght.

Slipping into the camp, Kakashi opened each scroll and laid it next to four of the tents. Performing the correct seals, he activated the scrolls to blow in thirty seconds.

_More than enough time._

Masking his chakra again, he swiftly unzipped the tent, straddled the snoring man, and held his katana to his throat horizontally. If he yelled or jerked up, Kakashi would free the mans head from his body.

Kisho woke startled but did not move, save for the nod he gave to the masked ANBU. The nod had cost him a fine layer of skin from his neck. Holding his breath, Kisho stared back at the hidden face. Removing his hand from Kishos mouth, Kakashi knew he understood. Rising quickly, katana blade now affixed to his throat at an angle, they exited the tent quietly. Kakashi heard the different snores of eight different men. Over the past two years, he had studied the sleeping patterns of the crew. Who fell asleep first, who snored in what pattern, if any, and who frequently rose in the night to go to the bathroom. He learned the habits of these men, as well as Chizu, drunk and sober, excited, nervous, and quiet. After leading Kisho in to the woods and five seconds later, the camp blew up. Kisho went whiter than he had been before. The ground shook and trembled. Orange invaded the clearing and small fires burned. Any man that screamed was silenced. Kakashi had heard no screams. Smoke rose and with it came the smell of burning flesh. Kishos head snapped toward Kakashi who cleared his throat in a manner that could only suggest self indulgence and a "did I do that?"

_If that scared him, he should check out the tree._

Kakashi nodded to his left. Kisho looked to his own right. Staring for a moment, he saw Chizus head swaying in the wind. She was tied up by her hair. He turned his head back to Kakashi. Upon doing so, he felt a small prick and a sting in the right side of his neck. He had been poisoned and knew it. He felt no pain beyond the small prick and sting of the needle.

_Adept ninja?_

"Are you going to kill me? Will that kill me?" panicked Kisho. He went silent, mirroring the silence between the two men and the first silence since the explosion.

"No. You're coming with me."

Puzzled, all Kisho could grunt was "huh?"

"Oh, I can see you're new to this. I have immobilized your chakra, save for killing it off entirely. I have a sufficient supply to knock your chakra out for the next year. You are coming with me whether you like it or not. You can try to fight me all the way back but I _have_ watched you for some time now. It's pointless. I just thought you should know that. Two years and no training? Tsk. Tsk"

Kisho did not fight back. He knew there was nothing he could do the second he tried to gather chakra to his feet to make a run for it off into the trees. Though he did not know this person holding him captive he knew he was useless without his chakra. His taijutsu...no good. In fact, his taijutsu was the worst out of the entire group.

"You are sufficiently weak concerning taijutsu," the masked ANBU replied just as Kisho himself had thought of it.

Keeping his mask on, Kakashi allowed his Sharingan eye to open. The man was drawn to his left eye, but did not know why. He could not see it, though; he could feel something was different. He felt weightless. He felt no discomfort. He was unaware of the world and situation around him and found that he did not care what happened from here on out.

"You will not give me any trouble," Kakashi growled.

Turning his back on Kisho, Kakashi walked back toward the tree. He removed Chizu and did a short series of seals to preserve her head.

_Godaime Hokage, I give you the head of Chizu. Sorry it's rotten and that you can't tell it's her. Oh, it uh smells too so watch out when you open the bag._

Noticing the ANBUs back to him Kisho urged himself to slit the mans throat or at least attack.

_Move dammit! Move. Kill him._

After two minutes, Kisho asked himself why he was still standing still.

"Let's go."

Taking off into the trees and the rest of the coming morning, the two ran. Feeling as if he were moving forward at incredible speed, Kisho noticed the increasing distance between himself and the ANBU. Looking at his feet Kisho also noticed that they were not traveling at the same speed he seemed to be running at. A lurching sensation invaded his stomach. Dizziness took over. The ANBU, stopped ahead grinned as Kisho stopped next to him and threw up.

"I can make you feel worse if you'd like. Have you ever been set on fire before? I can help you feel that you know. No, you wouldn't have been. You're a bit of a puss if you ask me. But how rude of me. Let me show you," shrugged Kakashi.

Silence once again graced the two men.

"This isn't so bad," lied Kisho.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I must be holding back a bit," mocked Kakashi scratching the back of his head.

A searing heat enveloped Kisho as he fell to the ground, trying to put out a fire only he felt. A fire he could not see.

Kakashi let up. "Okay, you get the point. Let's go."

Waging a small war inside himself, Kakashi fought with his unspoken half.

_What are you doing? Just bring him back._

_I've decided I'm highly irritated now. If I wasn't before, I am now. I just want to go home._

_Isn't that where we're headed?_

_Shut up. This won't get us anywhere any faster._

_Fine. Save it for the interrogation room._

They ran through the forest until the sun came up. Hiding under the cover of a pine that seemed to sway like a moss encased weeping willow, they slept part of the day away. Kisho had been put to sleep by the Sharingan. They continued like this for two weeks. Summoning Pakkun on the fifteenth day of travel, Kakashi sent him to the temporary ANBU outpost just six kilometers away with a message.

"Go to the ANBU outpost and request the three we have already spoken about."

"Who were they again? Names please," demanded Pakkun.

"Please don't fuck with me," said Kakashi squatting to be closer to Pakkun. "I'm ready to go home. Twenty-five months Pakkun."

_Twenty-five months, thought Kisho. Wow, I have seriously underestimated this guys patience. He's probably tapped out actually._

"I know, I know. Still don't use names until you're home kinda thing. Being gone this long...it's..."

"Yeah, well, anyway."

"Switching subjects? Yeah. Well. I'm off."

"Pakkun?"

"Hn?"

"You uh smell nice or something like that."

Kakashi was not usually this rotten toward Pakkun. He felt the guilt welling up inside him.

_You smell nice. What the fuck man?_

"Hn. Thanks," and with a grin, Pakkun was off with the note he and Tsunade talked about. A request for the presence of the ANBU involved with this mission other than himself. Nara Shikamaru. Lucky for Kakashi the first was a genius concerning tactical strategy and planning. Shiranui Genma. The second was a close friend of his, if not, his best friend. For this, Kakashi was glad to have Genma...at least someone would know what was really going on with him. The last. Morino Ibiki. He had business with Kisho.

_I can almost feel my bed now. Oh, listen, it's calling my name._

Kakashi eyed Kisho hard, not that he would actually notice with the mask still on, but he could feel the stare.

"Sit down. We'll be here for a few hours."

Kisho sat and asked about a fire. The ANBU didn't answer. In fact, he sat for three hours in total silence. Not a sigh. Not a groan. Not a twitch. Kisho shifted uncomfortably for three hours. At a quarter after three in the morning, Pakkun returned having notified Tsunade, who in turn contact Shikamaru, Genma, and Ibiki. To the roster, as decided by the Lady Hokage and Ibiki, an ANBU medic.

Turning to Kisho, "I'm not going to be so nice to you from here on out. Nobody is. You have _one_ chance to tell me _everything _I want to know. If _not_, I might have to take a few days out of _my_ _vacation _to help _interrogate_ you," spoke Kakashi as if he was speaking sternly to a child. "I _will_ do it," and with that he lit that little fire under Kishos ass and made him drop to the ground.

Smirking and increasing the fire, Kakashi turned away from Kisho.

"You have twenty seconds to decide."

Kisho was a smart man. He had played his cards right while being held captive of the masked ANBU. He'd never been captured and interrogated.

"You do know what I mean by 'interrogation' don't you?"

"Torture?" he asked.

"You can tell me here and now and then I will kill you. Alternatively, you can tell me later after your interrogation and yes, torture. There is is no reward for good behavior considering the circumstances. I will kill you after that. I must warn you about my friends. They're not as sweet as I am."

"Yes, I'm sure you're purring right now," Kisho sarcastically shot back. Maybe they wouldn't kill him after interrogation.

Turning back to face him while casually putting on the black cowl, Kakashis eye widened. Apparently, Kisho had gotten the point. He turned up the fire a little more. Kisho felt uncomfortably warm but not too hot.

"Your answer?"

"I'll take my chances."

Kakashi grinned. "You wont live up to your namesake."

'_One who knows his own mind' my ass._

The further they walked, the hotter Kisho got. Pakkun eyed Kakashi almost smiling. He knew Kakashi wasn't hollow in his threats. Sharingan exposed under the mask through the narrow slots of the mask, Kakashi saw the mixing of two worlds.

Genjutsu. "Kai!" he spoke, meaning every word of it. He no longer saw the fake crowding of trees but rather saw a small clearing and four people waiting for him. He stopped. Four. Not three. Ahh, probably a medic. Hn.

One of the ANBU flinched then laughed aloud before calming down to actually take in the sight of the two men as they approached. One, he knew, only because of his chakra signature. The other he knew only in pictures, reports, and stats. Taking in the sight of the sweating and heavily breathing man, he almost felt pity. Almost. Nara Shikamaru and Shiranui Genma sighed. Morino Ibiki hummed. The medic stood still.

_This will be troublesome for him. Two years of questions in which the only answer is 'a mission.'_

Ibiki smiled under his mask and laughed more audibly than Genma. He did not laugh at the "missing nin" before him but rather at the man beside him.

"Well, it looks like you've started the party without the rest of us. It's been a while. When was the last time you personally tortured somebody?" asked Ibiki.

The ANBU raised a finger to the chin of his porcelain mask to think and count the years that have passed. "I'd say about five years ago. It never really was my thing. But now, I'm not so sure." The medic nins heart raced slightly. It was so like her former sensei and friend, and teammate to scratch the chin of his mask.

_But it's so typical of him to do that. Surely he wouldn't give away any signs of it being him. Unless he's that comfortable being here._

She knew this man had not revealed his face much or at all on the mission. He gave no mind to the mask. It did not seem out of place for him to scratch at it. It was not like lighting a regular cigarette for so long, and then one day, lighting one of those stupid extra long skinny cigarettes...lighter lit and trying to light the near middle of the stick. It seemed in place. Not out of place. But Hatake Kakashi was gone. Missing. She had heard rumors that he was dead. She concluded that he probably was. Burnt out she had thought over the past two years.

Having heard Kakashis comment and thinking about the psychological consequences of what his former teammate had said, he concluded that the man knew exactly what he was saying. Ibiki nodded. Kakashi sighed. He did know. Clapping Kakashi on the shoulder as he reached him, he purposefully forgot the amount of personal space Kakashi normally kept. Ibiki needed to test the waters of his range. After two years, there were only a few outcomes from missions spent in solitude. Claustrophobia, increased paranoia (as if that was out of place for a shinobi) but drastically increased, hate, anger, loss, coping issues, and well anything. He had seen great shinobi lose their lives after such missions. He had seen great men and women fall to the feet of time. Or was it the feat of time? Both.

Noticing this, Kakashi thought of the two years of silence and how odd it felt to talk in full coherent sentences with people he actually knew. Some would say he'd remained silent for most of his twenty-nine years of life but that was nothing compared to twenty-five months of no questions posed to him and no "hn," to give as answers. No Itadakimasu. No teaching instructions. No mission planning and strategy. No laughing - out loud anyways. He would try to interact more. Noticing the female medic ahead of him, he also thought about the lack of moaning on his part, due to the absence of a woman in his bed. He would try to interact or be a bit more personable.

Ibiki had picked up the man who had fallen down unbeknownst to Kakashi and sat him up. He was lost in a world of thought and had let his guard down, knowing the company he was in, he allowed it to make way for a few fleeting thoughts. "Sorry about that. This is weird." Kakashi had stopped the fire before Ibiki touched him though.

"Hmm. A bit hot to the touch. Not searing coals though. We'll work on you later though," said Ibiki.

Genma and Shikamaru laughed. The medic nin had no clue what was going on. She stood with her mouth open and eyes wide under her mask. Nothing else registered. She looked only at the man across from her. She had to see his face. She had seen his mask everyday for two years, but never him on wanted posters, not in the way she knew him.

Hatake Kakashi. Caution. Do not approach when alone. Apprehend and return alive. ANBU versions (in the headquarters) had a subsequent list of abilities and stats followed. Most of them she had no clue about. She had marveled at some of his accomplishments and never heard these things come out of his mouth. She had seen the photos of him on the posters. One ANBU picture, one Jounin picture. Apparently, there were no existing photos of the man in which he wasn't wearing a mask. Oh, but she had seen his face before. Several times. She had once seen a picture of the four-year-old Kakashi before he snatched it out of her hands. But she knew what was under the mask and no one asked her to give a description. No one would. It was as if they thought he would know who it was. But Haruno Sakura would not tell anyone about the face she had seen. She hadn't even teased Naruto about it. Still left standing to herself as Genma and Shikamaru had walked toward Kakashi, she continued her burning stare. She had to see his hair or his face. Anything. Still as he lazily sharply turned to her, he cocked his head to the right. The mask emitted porcelain emotionless, one of the many intended facets of an ANBU mask. She recognized the way in which he cocked his head. She had seen him do that everyday for twelve years.

Kakashi walked toward Genma and Shikamaru and tossed them Chizus head. Sakuras eyes widened. Tensing, Kakashi felt a wave of claustrophobic intensity invade him. He had been still and alone for so long that mediocre range contact with more than one person felt out of place. Feeling off balance, he side stepped the two men and crossed toward the fire. Used to his own company and now the lagging company of Kisho, Kakashi tried to brush it off. He looked once more at the medic, noticing a tinge of familiarity at the charka signal. But there was something else to it that he did not recognize and chocked it up to being someone he did not know. The medic still had not moved. Not caring, he removed the cowl, messing up his silver hair with a rough hand. He was relived of Kisho. Now all that remained was a debriefing that would probably last days, the clearing of his name, some interrogation. He shuddered at the thought of a physical and a mandatory ANBU psych test.

Ibiki had come to the fire leaving Kisho with Shikamaru and Genma.

"Nip it in the bud Hatake. The claustrophobia will wear off. From here to Konoha, consider me attached to your hip, unless you'd prefer the females company instead."

After a scoff from Kakashi and some silent laughter from the two other ANBU men, Ibiki walked over to Kakashi and sat down next to him, leg-to-leg, shoulder-to-shoulder. Raising his right arm, he laid it to rest on Kakashis head.

"Is this too overboard?" asked Ibiki seriously. And with that Kakashi found himself flat backed on the ground, eyes shut, and dead to the world. "Hn. Not a total basket case. At least he let me sit down. I think it's safe to say he's not hostile."

"What did you do to him?" asked the now decidedly pissed of medic crossing to the fire.

"I didn't do anything. He's feeling a bit closed in right now."

"Shouldn't he be in custody instead of lounging by the fire?"

"Mission," the three men replied.

Kisho was beside himself.

_What was going on? Clearly, this man had been gone for sometime. Clearly, he was thought to be in trouble. Lastly, these people knew what was going on, except for the woman._

"Huh? Ohhhh. Kaaa-mi." Sakura whispered. Looking down at the passed out man she yelled, "I will fucking kill you when you wake up!"

She wanted to scream more. She wanted to yell more. Punch. Kick. Set him on fire. Throw him into the fire. Something. Anything!

"Hatake Kakashi," she seethed through clenched teeth.

Releasing her chakra-laden fists from themselves Haruno Sakura sat down by the fire. She had given herself hand cramps that were seeking out her arms. Genma, Ibiki, Shikamaru, and Kisho all stared at her and seemingly did not stare at her, afraid of being caught.

"Well, when Hatake wakes up, we'll go right?" asked Genma, shoving his hands in his pockets. He followed this action ten seconds into uncomfortable silence with a tune he whistled.

Fifteen minutes later, a very confused Kakashi woke up to tension in the air. Sitting up to face the fire, then Ibiki, he almost passed out again, before a medic was there to place her foot on his chest and force his back to the ground.

"You will explain yourself," she hissed.

"Excuse me?"

With a grip and twist of her lower leg, the medic found herself on her behind with the now angry ANBU man standing above her. Squatting for the second time this night to face someone below him, Kakashi spoke.

"I will not explain myself to you. Who the fuck are you anyway?"

"OH! Who am I? Asshole. Where have you been?"

"You're wearing a mask and a cowl. When I learn to see through clothes, I'll either let you know or look you up."

Though he did expect this type of angry response, he was not counting on having his chest stepped on, by a medic nonetheless. She obviously had no clue what was going on around her. She was not in on the mission.

_I can only imagine what Sakuras reaction will be._

He had finally done it. He had said her name, if only in her mind, for the first time in two years. Feeling sick, he stood up and walked away from the medic on the ground. He motioned toward the others and asked if they could be on their way now. They agreed.

The walk home was spent in silent reflection by all. Genma wondered what Sakura was so mad about, save for the fact that her former sensei, friend, sparring partner and drinking buddy had been gone for two years without any warning. Due to his night of drinking, Genma had not sobered up completely and was a little slow on the uptake. He felt like Naruto. Shikamaru wondered what else might have happened between the two. He would never be this mad at Asuma, as to knock him to the ground. Ibiki laughed to himself about the potential mess Hatake had gotten himself into, though he couldn't be sure _things_ ever went that way. For not seeing Kakashi much, there was a lot you could learn about a man when you did the kind of work Ibiki did and knew all the ways to read a person…or make them open up to you. There was a lot to be said about a student getting this riled up about her former sensei. Then he remembered that her former sensei was not much older than she was and that Team Seven had a different bond. Having a teacher only five years your senior produced different results.

_It would be easy for a twelve-year-old girl to marvel at her seventeen-year-old teacher, especially with what Hatake could do. It wouldn't be hard for a young former sensei to notice his former student turned teammate to notice she was all grown up. Women! There are reasons he was sent on this mission and no one else. I wonder who else could sit and be silent and so alone for so long. Patience. But that would have been a child's crush. Ahh, Kakashi in the springtime of his youth...Note to self: murder Maito Gai upon return. Kakashi has been gone for too long and Gai was a bit depressed about it at times. Haruno. Yes. Haruno. She had a thing for that Uchiha. That was in her profile under life notes or something like that. That was some time ago._

Things that were not in an ANBU personal profile were things that usually went to the grave with somebody. Somethings just passed, not ever being noticed. Or so it seemed. Would Ibiki ever have some updating to do on the Hatake file and now, by the looks of it, the Haruno file. Tsunade would love to hear this if she already didn't know.

Kakashi walked the rest of the way to Konoha not thinking about anything but his bed and his head hitting the pillow and the possibly that he wasn't missing the company of a beautiful woman as he thought he had.

_Scary bitch. It's not Anko. But who else could it be? Did I just refer to her as a bitch? I must be grumpy. _

And with that thought, the medic turned around to shoot him a death glare. She wished she could burn a hole into him, just looking at him. Kakashi took notice and decided to clear his throat. The medic scoffed and turned around walking faster away.

_Don't walk away so fast. I was enjoying my view back here._

Sakura was thinking of nothing but ways to disembowel Kakashi whilst unawares.


	3. Honey, Dear, and Debriefing

Disclaimer: Don't own no stinking Naruto mayng. If I did, I'd be out cruising the world.

**Honey, Dear and Debriefing**

It was six thirty in the morning and Konoha looked shut down. Where vendors in the shopping district were usually out and about, there were none. The rain was not shutting the people inside. Those scheduled to leave on missions were not at the gate to get an early start but were held up in the Hokage Tower impatient and on the edge. Guards were on alert and more so than usual. The curfew set the night before kept most of the cities inhabitants in their houses until eight am. Midnight to eight. Patrons of the villages busy bars were told to go home at eleven the night before. And now, Tsunade sat at the steps of the Hokage Tower, waiting for the ruckus to begin. Coffee in hand went cold. The rain picked up and beat down on the tense Hokage. The falling rain was accompanied by a thick mist. Even the vibrant spring green beauty could not break the mists barrier. People were pressed against the windows watching their Hokage. She did not look mad. She looked tense. Anyone that had asked her a question that morning was met with cold silence from her. If she were mad, they would have received a glare and a vocal warning to get the hell out of her way.

* * *

Ibiki stopped mid pace and nodded. Shikamaru and Genma proceeded to eye Kakashi. Taking the cue, he removed his ANBU mask and put it away in his bag. Rain beat down on his semi-exposed face. Next, he took care to remove any and all contraband from his person. The man had something stashed anywhere, excluding the sensitive areas. He had not stabbed himself in the ass with a kunai since he was ten.

"Katana," breathed Ibiki. "Hand it over."

It had been attached to his back for so long, Kakashi felt naked without it. He hesitated and handed it off.

_What am I two? Give it to the man. No, punch him. Take it and run._

"Hn," he grunted, as his only option was to acquiesce in his current situation.

"Hitai-ate. It's in your left back pocket. If you want it back, give it to me now. "

"Were you checking out my ass?"

All accessories handed over; Kakashi seductively asked the group, "how do you want me?"

"With the ANBU mask off...and that other one you wear."

The men laughed. Including Kisho before Kakashi snapped his head toward the man. Kisho wiped the grin off his face as the fast spinning Sharingan came into view, though the rest of the mans face did not, save for the few stitches surpassing the breech of the mask. Jagged skin was adorned by small methodical stitches.

"I'd really prefer to keep my mask," retorted Kakashi as the Sharingan presumed a much lazier rotation.

"Ho-ly shit," Kisho hung his head. He had been stupid to even think about trying to fight or flee from this man at one point. _The fire was enough_. He had needed nothing else.

Unbeknownst to the rest of the group, the medic turned her back and walked a short distance away. She lifted her mask and wiped her face, away from the group. The hood of the cowl fell to her shoulders. She quickly put it back in place. Sakura turned to find a very pissed off Kakashi staring at her. He'd have to be an idiot not to notice a flash of pink amidst the grey down pour. It always stood out so vibrantly, clashing and mixing with nature that way. She knew that look didn't stem from the chakra blocking restraints that were being applied to his hands and feet. He could walk but could not run. Not that he needed to, it was all a part of the facade. He scoffed at her, but seemed to smile at the same time.

"Asshole," she seethed.

"Well, everyone knows the plan, lets go."

"Do they?" she shot back at Shikamaru. "I for one had no clue we were harboring a fugitive in the middle of the night , allowing him to walk freely into the morning," she had now fully admitted it to herself, even more so than before.

"Fugitive? I rather thought of myself as a highly skilled assassin. It was much more fun that way," Kakashi replied lightly.

"This will be good," thought Genma, only to realize he had said it aloud.

"Shut up Genma!' shot Kakashi and Sakura.

"Kami-sama buddy, it's good to have you home. Things are really starting to feel all warm and toasty," he said with a hidden smile.

Ibiki was silently waiting for it all to unravel.

_This will be good. Hopefully, we'll have a pissed off and defeated looking Kakashi to lead back home. The more real the better...I wouldn't want to be in that woman's way though. This could prove to be useful. He's obviously a bit freaked out and what a better way to get over some coping issues than some face- to-face confrontation. No doubt, he's trying. 'How do you want me?'_

"Assassin? I'll show you assassin," she hissed. "And you can wipe that fucking grin off your face. Mask or no mask. Or would you rather I wipe it off for you? But it looks as though somebody has beaten me to the punch. Dull kunai dragged across your face?"

"Oh, honey, not here. Can we do this later? I'm technically still on a mission. And yes, a very dull kunai."

She stood; lips pressed together, slightly shaking. _Honey. Now he's mocking me._

"No, here is fine. Here is perfect," stated Ibiki.

Sizing him up, Kakashi knew what Ibiki was going for. Sakura was still clueless. For being so smart, she really was quite stubborn.

"Fine. Mission. Would you like me to spell it out for you? M-I-S---"

"Oh you mother fucker!"

"You know I couldn't tell you about it."

"Umm, break from ANBU? And out from the middle of a fucking forest, you come walking last night, in an ANBU uniform. Dear."

"Special request. That's all I can tell you. Speaking of whose doing the ANBU thing and who's not..."

"What the fuck else was I going to do? Twiddle my thumbs and pop my bubble gum, waiting for you ass to show up? Oh! Hatake Kakashi on a wanted poster! What did you expect me to think? What did you think I would have done?"

"I don't know, put two and two together? And what's with the language?"

"I hear you moved up in the Bingo Books," added Genma.

Shikamaru and Ibiki winced. What the two didn't expect was what was to come out of Kakashis mouth next.

"OH! Yeah! I have an updated one in my bag. It's in the inside pocket. I'm top ten now."

Even Ibiki and Shikamaru nodded at this, proud of their comrade. Chizu had not been his only target on this mission. Who she met with, who she associated with, dead. It was a mini killing spree mixed in with a plethora of intelligence gathering and a bit of torture. There was interrogation and there were answers. Nothing too rough from his counter parts.

Ibiki couldn't help but add more fuel to the fire, "that's an old copy come tomorrow...I heard talk from the Mist that they saw your M.O."

"I don't' have an M.O.," Kakashi said frowning.

"Exactly, they're not stupid."

"It could have been anyone."

"They did some interrogation of their own. Some five year old saw you. It was your hair that gave you away. They questioned everyone in those villages. They'd usually back off but they knew you had been a missing nin and obviously wanted that Sharingan. Well, they tried."

"I was caught by a five year old? I am getting old."

With that final statement, the five men looked at Sakura. Her foot tapping incessantly and her arms crossed she asked,

"Are you done yet? Pompous ass."

"Well, I'd really like to know if I've moved up a few notches. It makes an old man feel-"

Kakashi didn't get to finish his sentence. Before he knew it, his stinging face was looking to the right and at Genma. His wet face which was slapped by a wet leather gloved-hand had actually stung. It actually hurt, Sakura had slapped him. She hurriedly took off her wet cowl and walked away. It had gotten in her way.

"I'll say I probably deserved that."

"Ya think!"

"Alright, well, let's go," barked Ibiki having reached a desired reaction.

"Felt pretty good though," mumbled Kakashi to Genma.

"What?" snapped the pink headed kunoichi still walking ahead.

"Oh, he said he was glad you didn't kick him in the balls," recovered Shikamaru.

"He hasn't seen anything yet. And I doubt he'll ever receive any attention from me concerning that area...ever again."

She sauntered over, put her hands on his shoulders, and moved one to caress his cheek. Kakashi anticipated the feeling and intent of a dull razor running over a full beard, not that he had one. She ran her thumb across his masked face. He eyed her and furrowed his brow in his consternation for he was unsure of how he felt. He was overcome by claustrophobia, the need to get away, the instinct to retaliate, and the need to be touched by her. In one swift jerking motion, she had kneed Kakashi in the groin. With a slight popping sound, the once standing man was a log and instantly found its way to crushing Sakuras foot. She winced and walked away, limping, trying to fight the pain. Walking back to the apprehensively waiting group, Kakashi was not sure what was worse. He had been slapped and psuedo-kneeed in the balls.

_Being touched? Getting kneed in the balls? This is a problem._

_Cha! You wouldn't have to deliberate if you were in your right mind._

_I thought I told you to go away._

_You did. I just wanted to compliment you on using that small reserve amount of chakra._

Ibiki laughed, knowing about the residual chakra Kakashi still had. _He would have it._ Kakashi hung his head while walking. He understood why she was mad, but he didn't understand why he was so mad at her. Maybe it was slamming him to the forest floor a few hours ago. Maybe he was tired, hungry, sleep deprived, and all around pissed off. But that still didn't account for his actions. He was rarely mad. He rarely felt too much of anything except boredom.

_She really should understand. Mission._

_I cannot believe you actually tried to spell it out!_

_I know. Note; do not spell anything out, ever again, unless talking to Naruto._

The next hour walking he would only think about how he arrived to this point in his life.

* * *

A messenger from the gate ran full speed and halted at the Hokage Tower when he saw Tsunade sitting on a covered bench. He approached her, walking. There was no telling how she was about to take the news that her crew had arrived and that they had Hatake Kakashi and some unknown man named Kisho. They stood now, in the rain and waited. All eyes focused on the window in the Tower tried to peer through the rain and mist that had fallen. They saw six figures walking toward the Hokage and the guard. Kakashi and Kisho could not just arrive in Konoha. Kakashi had go keep up that he was still a missing nin until they were within city gates and in the ANBU building as his name was cleared from the register. A spy near the gates or boarder could not see him freely in the company of other ANBU. He couldn't walk into the gate and be immediately assaulted either. There would have been no way of knowing if or when he would arrive whole and intact. They could not chance him, in a weaker state, to face a group of angry shinobi and shinobi guards, or any angry ANBU members for that matter. He had been spit on by the guards at the gate.

Feeling the difference between spit and rain, Kakashis only reply was, "oh, that's real cute."

Back inside the Tower, the buzz of talk about the arrival of the group stirred. The group was not in full view, only approaching figures in the mist. Outside, the guard tensed and started to spring when he saw who was being lead directly toward him. A shinobi who had foregone his duty to the village had no right to be a shinobi. And he saw that man when the ANBU medic sidestepped a puddle. Tsunade stopped the man as he was about to pass her and flung him backwards into the building. The group inside went silent. They could almost see the man in tow. Head hung low, exposed in the rain, surrounded by the tree-lined path that lead to the Hokage Tower, and disarmed. What they did not know that Hatake Kakashi was doing a victory dance in his own mind, trying desperately not to jump up and down and yell. If they were closer, they would have seen his un-exposed face, smiling peacefully. The group traveled at a decent pace. They all wanted to go home and dry off so continued their respectable pace. Those in the tower could now make out the man with the mask over his face and knew who he was. The other man in question remained a mystery.

The masked man lifted his head for the first time to the rain. Tsunade walked forward and approached the man. She stood silently, allowing her hand to come to rest cradling her forehead. The people inside were held captive by silent shock.

"Gomen nasai," Tsunade whispered. "Arigato."

"I'd do it again," the man silently replied.

"Sakura."

"Please. Don't Shishou."

It was then that Haruno Sakura let up a bit. She almost understood, but wanted to know more. She wanted to know why Kakashi had been sent away for two years and why he accepted such a mission.

"Well, lets set this man free so I can take him for a drink or two, or three, or four, or..." continued Genma.

"It's 6:45 in the morning Genma," added Shikamaru.

"Well, that's a good a time for a drink as any," added Tsunade. "We'll begin debriefing and get out so we can get tanked."

Ibiki unlocked the restraints on Kakashis legs.

"Hands."

Tsunade stepped further toward Kakashi receiving a nod from Ibiki. There were more added quirks to Kakashis previously existing eccentric personality that Ibiki had picked up on, as he and Tsunade discussed. Tsunade didn't have to ask him to check him over without checking him over. Kakashi didn't need to guess why Ibiki was acting the way he did, allowing such antics to interfere with the mission. To Ibiki, this was part of the mission. The nod was meant to inform her.

"May I?"

"Hai," he sighed.

_I know what you're doing woman. Just get it over with._

With that, she ran her fingers down the scar that ran jagged underneath the mask. She shut her eyes having seen their peak. Kakashis eyes narrowed as Tsunade opened her own and smiled.

"I'll want to see the rest. We may have a clue as to who did what to you and why. Different experts mean different methods. Different reasons motivate a triggering of certain soft spots. I know there are more. Much more."

"This is fucking ridiculous. Can I go now?"

"Hm, not much changes, I see...except for your immediate level of irritation and the fact that you would never talk to me like that."

"It's been a long day."

"It's been a long time. Sorry to tease. I must be giddy. Oh, and before I forget, you will have a very intense psych test coming up." smiled Tsunade turning to Kisho.

_Where in her mind, did this woman just change gears?_

_She had missed the lazy Jounin. She missed his services to his village and the security of him taking care of anything from weeding her garden (a punishment she had enlisted the help of to combat his tardiness), to his carrying out of S-Class Missions. She missed the way he smelled, who didn't. She missed watching him walk out of her office when he didn't use the window. No matter how mad he would make her, he definitely had a nice backside and tight ass. She missed flirting with him over sake after a Sunday afternoon of gardening. He never took this as punishment as she had learned. It was a hobby of his. One that he didn't care to list off. At first, he was scared shitless by what this woman would say to him. _

_Then, one day, she slapped her hand on his, turned around to face him stone cold and said, "lighten up honey. I'm flirting. You're young and I'm getting old. Hell, I am old. Make an old lady feel better would ya? Indulge me."_

_"Are you drunk?"_

_"No. Are you afraid of me?"_

_"Yeees," was the only thing that could leave his mouth at the time._

_"Mmm. A disadvantage. It's just talk. I'm not asking you to fuck me."_

_"You are drunk."_

_She laughed the only way a very powerful but very attractive woman could. It was sexy. "I know. It's just that, before your father married your mother, I used to make him come over and help me with the gardening. I never knew sweat could look so appealing on one man. He-was-a-looker. I know you're not him, but the resemblance...I think I'd lose my wits if you didn't wear that thing."_

_"Lovely," Kakashi had replied dryly._

_It had ended there. His tardiness continued._

After shaking her fleeting thoughts, the people in the tower gasped and the commotion began.

"Wait, wait, wait. Dude, she's got the other guy by the collar!"

"You will give me any and all information I ask for. Whether I ask you or not, you will talk. You have no idea what the lack of this mans presence has caused. You and your bullshit antics will be known to me. I have twenty-five months of information on you and your friends. That little bitch you were with would not have talked, so we did away with her. You, however, as I was informed, would talk. I know you know what I want to know. Be ready to give it up!" bellowed Tsunade shaking, in the mans face.

_Oh, damn. I know you know what I want to know. You actually said that._

The racket she made accomplished two things. It scared the still captive shitless and it somewhat informed everyone held up in the tower aware that Kakashi was not out and "at large."

"Well, can I go home now?" asked Kakashi.

"No, go report to ANBU Headquarters, clean up, then we'll discuss your living arrangements. It would not have been prudent to keep the rent paid from the Hokage Office or from anyone else."

"What? Ohhh. Where's my bed?"

"It's at the house. You know which one."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh. A man of many answers. 'Hn.' "No.' 'My bad, my bad,' Oh, and my favorite, 'yo,' " Sakura trailed off while walking toward ANBU Headquarters.

Kakashi jogged to catch up with her, not waiting to be dismissed.

"Ibiki, you know what to do with this man," she said motioning toward Kisho. I'll see you in two hours for a debriefing. Genma. Shikamaru, same goes for you."

"Hai," sang out the three men in unison, each taking off for the ANBU building

Inside the Tower, the commotion continued until Tsunade walked through the door.

"What! It was a mission. That's all I can say. Hatake is officially cleared from the register. Now, get back to work. Those waiting to leave for missions, if you would gladly get the hell out of my sight. That will be all." And with that, she returned to her office on the top floor.

Once inside the building, Sakura and Kakashi made a beeline for their respective locker rooms. They both paused at the doors that lead to each room. She didn't even want to be in a room next door to that man.

"There's probably no chance that I can stay at your place?" he said, scratching the back of his head.

"Correct. For the first time since I have seen you, you are correct."

"Genmas couch it is."

They parted ways and entered the locker room to shower, and get comfortable for what would be a long debriefing. While in he shower, Sakura had been interrupted by another female ANBU.

"You are requested at the debriefing. It's highly likely that there will be missions stemming from Hatake-sans and they may require an ANBU medic. Hokage-sama has insisted that you take the mission."

"I'll think about it. If he's going...I'll think about it."

In both locker rooms running under hot steamed water, the occupants began to reflect upon why they were in the situation they were in. Sakura was decidedly mad that her former sensei, partner, and friend would leave and not even tell her he was leaving for a long-term mission.

_How can he be so selfish? It only turned my life upside down. I was a medic stuck at the hospital and then I started doing missions with him, then out of nowhere after two years of less and less hospital work, it's shoved back in my face again. I hardly had any missions. Fucking boring. I hear research is much more promising._

_Part of you didn't mind though_, announced inner Sakura. _Then again, you missed it an awful lot...I'd say a little too much._

_What are you saying?_

_There was a little more to that working relationship, __**teme**_

_Bitch, there was not. It was perfectly platonic. Well, maybe not that one time..._

_Told you so. What do you think it did to his life?_

_He's a shinobi, he'll deal with it. He always just deals with shit. Does he even have a life?_

_Him "just" dealing with shit used to rub off on you. Are we not supposed to just deal with it sometimes? Isn't that our job too? And his life revolved around missions with us._

_Piss off, I'd rather just be mad right now. I can understand mad, I just don't understand the rest. I should, but I want to be mad._

From the other side of wall came a rumble and the sound of metal being assaulted and slammed into a concrete wall. Sakura yelped and fell on her ass in the shower. Pissed off as ever, she stood up, and tried to brush it off. In two seconds, she was wrapped in towel and marching out the door. Upon entering the mens locker room, she didn't quite know what she was looking at. The air was over run with humidity and fresh concrete dust. The two mixed oddly in the air. Taking another sniff at the air, she could smell hint of sweat and "What the hell is that? Cedar?" She knew he was still in here, he always smelled like cedar.

_How does he do it? That good smell thing_.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" she heard followed by an exasperated sigh.

He punched the concrete wall one last time and she flinched. She heard the crack and remnants of the wall fall to the floor as he walked around the corner from the showers. He stood in front of his former locker and accessed the damage.

_This isn't the first time I've trashed this room. It probably wont be the last time either._

_You're not the only one. _

_It'll be fixed within the hour. This happens at least once a week. _

_Don't feel so bad about it._

_Oh, I don't_.

_You're sprouting horns._

He turned and sat on the bench, head in hands. Sakura walked over to the bench timidly. She was afraid to go near him. She had been afraid when she was twelve during the confrontation with Zabuza and she had only ever been afraid during battles. She was happy to never being on the other end of a Hatake death glare, sparring aside. It dawned on her that she had always been intimidated by her partner, no matter how close they got. He was easy going, laid, back and lazy- was it those things that scared her? It made his anger seem that much worse. On his off or moody days, his sarcasm scared her, not knowing how much of it he really meant. He tried to not act like that but she understood that everyone had their off days. Kami knows she wasn't ever a saint. The man infuriated her to no end, but she loved it just the same.

Walking up behind him, she took notice how odd his scared back looked. Hard and toned, marred by scars, no doubt left from a torture situation he had encountered while gone. But the unmarred and marred skin looked touchable, groapabble, kissable even. Placing a finger on a fresher set of scars that ran down his spine, she traced it. He flinched and rested again as she moved her finger to a similar scar running horizontally, then to two diagonal scars that ran from his shoulders to his lower back. She traced the asterisk once more. It was jagged, moderately wide and torn as if a dull kunai was the only cutting utensil at hand. The sides of each scared line as surrounded by a single file line of what appeared to be senbon puncture wounds. It was beautiful in it's symmetry. Someone had taken their time.

Had it been cut in that pattern and pealed away? What she didn't know was how long he had laid in the rain, face in the mud after escaping his torturers, trying to pluck out each senbon. He had laid face down in the mud for two days. Rain beating down. He had reached behind himself in white hot pain to pick out each senbon and finally passed out to wake to a sunburned, blistered, and torn-open back. Infection settled in, no matter how thoroughly he tried to clean it out.

She flattened her palm at the meeting place of each line. She thought she would have died had it been her.

"You're bleeding," she finally noted.

"I know."

"It stings huh?"

"Knuckle cuts usually do."

"Give me your hands," she said crossing to his front.

Eyes meeting her toweled form for a brief second, he handed her a shirt and a pair of pants from his locker that had seen better days. Her anger was almost washed away watching him sit in front of her. He didn't look her in the eyes. He felt so ashamed. She couldn't help but feel anything but anger. She wanted more of him.

_I told you so, chimed inner Sakura._

_I know_, she thought as she felt he sting of crying tickle her nose. It almost burned, but not as much as looking at Kakashi.

_Oooo, a tagless undershirt. How thoughtful of him. Put it on, put it on._

She dropped her towel, not knowing why. She had long since lost her modesty around the man before her. He did not look up for some time. When he did, it was to allow their eyes to meet. He fought the want and need to eye her in all her naked glory. It had been two years two long. She slid on the pair on black ANBU uniform pants that mirrored his. They rode her hips and

were too big for her but seemed to fit him perfectly as he sat there.

_They do fit him perfectly. How long have you wanted to see him in an ANBU uniform and here he sits in half of one._

_This is not the time to think about this crap. I'm supposed to be mad._

She almost couldn't resist the urge to hold him. Or did she want him to hold her? Kakashi couldn't resist the urge to look her up and down. With a grin, he told her she was walking a fine line and that she should leave. She put on his white undershirt. Kneeling in front of him, she took his hands. He handed her a first aid kit from his pack. It had more than the usual first aid supplies. It was like a small locker of tweezers, gauze, tape, antiseptic and a lot of it, bandages, burn cream, a scalpel, needles, one shot of morphine- long expired, rubber tubing, stitching thread of several different gauges, and vitamins. She laughed at the vitamins. All supplies had been depleted and the remaining had the symbols of Sand on it. There was stitching thread from three other countries. Lighting, Wind, and Sound. She cleaned out his jagged knuckles and laced her hands with chakra. She didn't need the rough supplies, not with her chakra. She was a bit pissed that he would even suggest a first aid kit.

"I can heal the scars on your back," Sakura told him.

"Maybe later. I have to show Ibiki and Tsunade. They'll be interested in those."

"Was it painful?"

_DUH_

"No." he sarcastically answered. "Sorry. What are you doing in here anyway?"

"Funny thing you see. I heard this sound and the room rumbled and I fell on my ass in the shower. My intent was to come kick your ass, but I've since had a change of heart."

"Do that often do you? Get the inkling to kick someones ass?"

"I've missed the physical aspect of missions. I've been stuck in the hospital doing work for the past two years. I was bored and now I have this pent up physical aggression. I guess. I'm still mad at you."

"Me too."

"You've been gone for two years. What were you doing?"

"Keeping very quiet and very still," he said allowing himself to fully look at her for the first time. She was sitting at his feet with her head on his lap, arm wrapped around his calves. He ran his fingers through her hair.

"I've missed you."

"I've missed you. Thank you for not ruffling my hair."

"You're not twelve anymore."

"Oh, did you just notice?"

"No, that was four years ago and then it hit home another two years after that."

"Mmm," she smiled. "Is this weird for you?'

"Yes. No. I'm so sorry. I feel like such an asshole. I let you down."

"Yes, you did let me down. We fucked and you left. Why would I be mad? I am mad. Very mad," she half laughed, almost half cried. "I'm cooking tonight. Do you want to stay?"

"We were trashed. But- what? You're confusing me. Mad. 'Oh, do you want dinner?' I think I'll crash on Genmas couch. Thanks though. I don't want to wake up with out my balls."

"Is this an excuse for your actions?"

"Sakura! No...I just, I can't think right now, despite the fact that I've had two years to think about it. Our actions," he mumbled.

With the end of his statement, came another man into the locker room. The random ANBU looked around, turned, and ran out the door. Behind him, came in a confused Genma scratching his armpit. Jaw dropped, he stood very still to take in his surroundings.

"This is the mens locker room, right?"

"Yes."

"Oh, well, then. Hey Sakura-chan Oh. Hiiiii. Tsunade's ready for the debriefing. I like what you've uh done with the place man. It's a bit psychotic but it needed to be remodeled anyway. It's probably very reflective of your inner thought process right now. How artistic…ehhh, this would be my time to make my exit. You kinda have that look in your eye that's telling me to shut up. So, I'll see you in five or something like that. If you need anything, just call, and I'll uh be there."

"Yes, I'm positively flowing with artistic energy right now. I call this my blue period. Get out."

* * *

There was no crowd around the debriefing room door. Not in ANBU Headquarters. All shinobi knew better. None of the doors to the rooms had glass windows. If they had, a shinobi would never look. Tsunade, Ibiki, Genma, Shikamaru, and Kakashi, all sat in the room situated near the torture chambers. This room was far out of reach from eyes that tried to peer and ears that strained to listen. Most of the rooms along this hallway had one way mirrored glass but not this room. It was a meeting room for those about to interrogate. The table was surrounded by chairs and dark walls plastered with photos. Sakura ran into the room a few minutes late. Nobody questioned anybody. There were more important things to discuss. When she walked in

he froze. She saw photos of Chizu, Kisho, and their crew. Chizu! She had seen this woman before. She had seen Kakashi fight her before and knew how pissed off he was that she ran away. She was almost jealous as they fought so beautifully. It was like watching dancers grace each others presence with such a finesse. She had never seen him fight so beautifully despite the fact that he had woken up that morning with a sinus headache. He made it a point to tell her and Naruto that it was going to be a long day. The rhythm in his hips made his duck and weave of her senbon, kicks, and punches even more exciting that a student should be finding her at-the-time sensei. The katana he had taken from a fallen comrade of Chizus was like an extension of his arm. She watched as his chakra slashed out from the end of the sword. He had laughed at Chizu and claimed he didn't need it. It was so unlike him to laugh. In a second, it was gone as he advanced on Chizu. He was so arrogant that day. They fight had ended with Chizus chakra depletion. A man had helped her escape. That man was Kisho. As she stared at the pictures, she knew she would be overwhelmed. She already had been. Her eyes fell upon pictures of herbs and actual samples of them sitting on the table, not knowing what to think.

_I bet he could publish this shit as a psycho thriller. I love that stuff!_

"How should we do this?" asked Kakashi breaking the silence.

"Where's your journal?" barked Tsunade.

He slid the yellow covered rain-proof journal to her across the table. Completing a few seals, six journals now sat side-by-side.

She slid Kakashi the original and told everyone which seals to perform to break the seal on the journal. Had this book fallen into enemy hands, they would have exploded just trying to open it.

"Well, I see you made an attempt to keep the writing somewhat legible. We'll obviously go through this chronologically. Is this the only one?"

"No. It's short hand, well some of it. I have the other one you asked me to keep."

"And?"

"Well, I burned it."

"You what!"

"Well, some of it. Here." He slid that to her as well.

It mirrored the first. She opened it, taking note of the much sloppier hand writing. Chicken scratch. She honestly couldn't wait to read this. She loved his personal journals from long missions. In these books she had read profound thoughts, ridiculous thoughts, dirty thoughts, clean thoughts, and everything in between. She had yet to read anything sweet but still, she had seen the devil and an angel in Hatake Kakashi. These journals were her guilty pleasures, aside from the gambling she slowed down on in exchange for his safe return. Naruto had even cut his ramen intake by half. This particular journal, she knew, had to be analyzed by psych experts. There was no way she would make it through this one, sanity intact. Eyeing him, she stashed it in her robes.

Ibiki hummed reading through the area marked "First Month."

_First Month June 1._

_Depart Konoha 0530. Status: missing nin. Reason: tired of shinobi life. Travel to Lightning. Practiced Raikiri-seems to thrive here-mastery doubled. Improved further. _

_June 20th: target sighted in open-air market herb stand. Samples collected. Tag 1._

The first month covered physical descriptions. The only spectacular thing about the first month of Kakashis travels was the improvement of Raikiri in the Land of Lightning. This made sense as his mother had belonged to an old shinobi family and his element was lightning. He'd synced up with lightning a little more. Lucky for him, he looked nothing like that side of the family apart from his onyx eyes. He had carefully noted Chizus habits upon first meeting her and the ways to tell the disguised woman was Chizu. He studied her body language thoroughly.

Kakashi had met an ANBU convoy stationed at an outpost on his way from Lighting to the first unknown destination. They brought the herb back to have it analyzed. He knew next to nothing about this particular herb and decided that in two years it would probably be of no use anyway.

"Well, what we know of this herb is that it goes by no name. Coincidentally, none of the herbs collected technically have a name. We will call them one, two, three, and so on. How creative, I know. They are sold as discrete banned herbs that are believe to be extinct. Banned and extinct are statements that contradict one another thus proving their known existence, no matter how very few people know. This herb, standing alone, I am sure, is neutral and appears to be a weed, if you will. But you have told us that there is a scroll out there somewhere containing further information," finished Tsunade.

"There may very well be thirteen scrolls floating about. I'm not sure. One for each herb. I would think that each of the thirteen are 'neutral' and require some kind of interaction with another agent. Probably a catalyst of some sorts," added Kakashi.

"What have you mixed it with?"

"Acids, bases, water, ethanols, hydrocarbons, sucrose, salt water brines, other herbs, mixtures and solutions and so on and so on," answered Tsunade.

"Have you tried other solid solutions?"

"How do you mean?"

"Have you tried different steels, duralumin, or other alloys? The cutting tool might react with it, but I'm not sure. Silver. It seems dramatic, but that's how these people are. It would be so like them to try to obtain herbs that need to interact with oh, I don't know, platinum or silver, some shit like that. Theses elements might change on the molecular level during interaction."

Everyone at the table starred at him for what seemed like an eternity. It always seems like an eternity. He cleared his throat.

"Have you tried distillation, centrifuging- is there anything similar to this herb. You know what Chizu had planned is going to be horrible. Her poisons have surpassed many of Kabutos and he's a genius. What about filtration and decantation?"

"Have you ever considered a career in chemistry?" asked Shikamaru.

"No, I don't know much about it. This is all general chemistry. I do wonder what Kisho can tell us," added Kakashi still sitting on the opposite side of the table, by himself. Rambling. Sweating. Uncomfortable.

The room was starting to close in. The more they stared at him, the more nauseous he felt. He was barely able to choke out "electrophoresis," before he got up to walk around the room.

They studied his scratchy notes for ten more hours having reached month fifteen. They had made progress. Everyone was restless and tempers were shortened a bit. Kakashi was unwillingly beginning to zone out before Tsunade asked him if he would remove his shirt, mask and pants. His boxers could stay. He was made almost bare but scars ran rampantly, covering his body. Upon seeing the damage done, Tsunade decided that they should end the meeting. They would need to devote an entire day to his torture in the nineteenth month alone. She apologized for keeping them all here longer than she had intended. But she knew that the table of people she was sitting with were all business when they needed and wanted to be...and then there was Genma. She decided she had underestimated his level of intelligence that matched his skill and the way he and Kakashi interacted with one another. Genma might be his way to getting back on track.

"I'm sorry for keeping you all here much longer than intended, but this group seems to be all business. We will meet at 1300 hours tomorrow. We all need plenty of sleep. And be sure to read up on your torture experts having seen those puppies," she thumbed toward Kakashi.

Down the hall from the meeting room sat a man, very alone in the dark, unconscious. As he woke , the smell of bleach invaded Kishos senses. The room was dark and felt very small.

_I'm most likely in a containing cell._

He sat up, slowly and felt around him timidly. Nothing. He was sitting on a cold floor. The chill caused him to shiver and found its way to his clenched teeth. Running his hands along the wall, he felt the snagging of his finger and felt it bleed. He could not see what he had touched. The slight pain caused him some alarm as he decided to check his body for any new injuries he was not yet aware of. The metallic twinge of blood faintly danced its way around his mouth. He wiggled a loose canine with his tongue and spit it out. He had been punched square in the jaw and was knocked out. He wrinkled his face and a dry crusted substance nipped at the stubble forming on his upper lip and inside his nose. If his nose could scream, it would have. More painful than hair being pulled from the delicate inside, Kisho knew his nose was broken. He could not remember who had placed him in here. He only knew that the people he would meet next would be much harsher. He was lucky to have a broken nose, if only for the time being.

Authors Note

I know this chapter might be a bit jumbled...but I'm shooting for clarification in chapter 4...where timelines have been changed to fit the ages of my characters. Deal.

Reviews are helpful!! Thanks guys. And Thanks PorkChop!!

Thanks for sticking with me folks.


	4. Subvert the Dominant Paradigm

**Disclaimer: don't own Naruto or any of its characters.**

Notes: Thank you **Porkchop's**** Little Ditty** for being my beta-reader. You rule and so do your grammar skills!! And thank you to **KwarimiNingen** for living with me and putting up with me and indulging me in conversation concerning Genjutsuuuus at 3AM...and reading my rough rough rough drafts. I put "Brock"Lee in here for you.

**-Subvert the Dominant Paradigm-**

It's so weird to be home. Part of me feels like I am home. The other part of me feels offset in an alternate universe. A universe of people I know but no longer do. Genma got sappy on me tonight after Ino left. Apparently, he missed me a lot. Tsunade felt my face up today. I'm still not sure about her sometimes. I knew what she was doing. Sakura has kicked me to the ground, slapped me, and tried to knee me in the balls. On top of that, she busted into the mens locker room and played sweet. I don't get it. Ibiki egged on a fight I never should have participated in. Sakura would never have done that under normal circumstances. Apparently, normal circumstances do not surround the current state of things. Wrong time, wrong place. When is it the right time or the right place when you live on borrowed time?

Ino hugged me this evening and I passed out. I need to get over this. She said she was sorry for thinking I was evil. Like I care. But she's Sakuras best friend and Genma is in love with her. I guess I do care, but only a little. Genma and Ino. An item. I can see it. Genma kind of in love or something like that. That, I don't get.

Shikamaru seems troubled by the idea of life- finally some balance. It's been a long day and I've been made to strip to my underwear in front of my comrades, only to be told to go home. I have a physical with Tsunade tomorrow. Please leave my prostate alone. I have a slight buzz from the sake I drank. I will not get drunk again. I probably will. The last time should stay the last time. I lost my control that night. The last time I was drunk. I ended up naked in a bar and so did Gai. Thank Kami I don't go commando. Thank Kami Gai doesn't either. Not in that spandex. Beautiful Green Beast my ass. What else happened? Hn. I ended up streaking through Konoha. How fitting for two Jounin sensei. I fucked my former student and teammate I don't know how many times. All over her apartment. Thankfully I had sobered up enough by the time we got there to get it on. Halfway into it, meaning several orgasms later, I was interrupted by an ANBU guard. Requested to re-join ANBU I was assigned a mission and leave the next day. Upon accepting and re-joining, I continued the evening with Sakura. Then I told her "Kami, I think I love you." I've never said that. I have never loved in this capacity. Look at me now. I might been in love before but still don't know if that's what this is. Another first for me came in the form of me being late. I was late for an ANBU mission for the first time in my life. I left at 0600 hours. An hour late.

I'm such a dog. I can't ever tell Pakkun that. He'd be insulted. In ways, I feel inferior to him. It's all so simple. Lately, I feel like my small self. Afraid to say hello to my bigger self. Not when I kill though. Not when I torture. I don't think during those moments. They're too valuable. Too fleeting. To be free of thought. To know only action. The closest I've ever come to that was when I was with Sakura. But even then, I still wonder if love is what I feel. I just don't know. I hate it when Sakura is this undecided concerning her emotions. She's never this undecided though. It's rare and scary. It's kind of hot- this crazy chick thing. She's starting to make me mad. She never makes me mad. It's always the other way around.

I'm so tired. It's late now, 0400 hours. Sleep. My bed. Kami, give it back you bastard.

Don't make me go to that house. I guess my father had to make sure I didn't grow up a slouch like his dead brother. Nothing was to be handed to me. Some of it came so easily though. But I'll never be done paying for any of it. Hell awaits me. I deserve to burn. I don't mind. That is one of my perpetual problems. It gets me in trouble.

Trouble. I hate when I'm in trouble. No, that's a lie. I always find ways to get out- I just hope I can get out this time.

I want to be anywhere right now. Anywhere but Genma's couch. I'd rather be wrapped up inside of her- without any cares. Without any worries. But even now, I'm not sure if that's where I want to be. I don't need to be there. No, I do want to. I try to deprive myself of most things I truly want. It's time like this that I think of Dante- "_Now we must descend to greater anguish. For every star that rose when I set out is sinking now, and we must not linger here."_

Not that I'm a star. I am setting myself to sink. Deprive myself of what I want. I have no need to deprive myself of _Icha__Icha_ right now. It's not my greatest pleasure but it's in the ranks. The words of those books are of no comfort now. They never are. They distract me from myself. I've not been in a bookstore in two years. Tsunade made sure of that. On my missing nin info, she put something like _Icha__Icha__ reader. Can be seen reading at any and all times_. My mug was on wanted posters in bookstore windows. At an and ANBU meeting point, Genma told me that he heard _Icha__Icha_ sales went up since my posters graced the windows. I couldn't fix myself up to go in there. Store keepers started making you register to buy the new damn book and the old ones. They ran checks too. I couldn't risk using someone else's name…someone would find me. Especially the hunter nins from Konoha who were looking for me. If Sakura couldn't know what I was doing, neither could anyone else, except for the team working this mission. What the fuck? Tsunade screwed me and I didn't have the resources to go get it. She sent a note with Genma that said "Ha ha."

I need to get out of this house. I'm going for a walk. A long walk down the road. The road to a place I have not set foot in thirteen years. It's easy to stay away when I know what awaits me. Definite. Infinite. Immeasurable stains. Blood on papers, a desk, the walls, and the floor. These things used to be a part of my life but never really were. They were a part of his. A part of Sakumo. Father. I stayed in that house for three months after his death. For three months and 13 years, I have avoided that room. For two years, my mother cried. It drove me nuts –her being so weak. I'd never think that now. She was not weak. I was young, arrogant, and didn't understand. But I was mad at her for sending me to those people. For giving me up.

I can't believe I'm here already. Long walk what? Long. Walk. Away. I'm not going in yet. I need to compose my thoughts.

I am born and welcomed to the Hatake family. They still reject my mother. She is from Lightning. I am three years old and driving the women in the house crazy. They drive me crazy. Cheek pinchers, scolding, smothering. I suppose that's what loving a child is. Hyperactive and a bit small for my age, I fit into anything and everything. I hide so well. I am a problem child- a brat, but sweet. Now I am six and am a chunin. Train with father. Go on missions. The facilities he has built for me to continue training are an extension of worn out old men. His father and his fathers brothers. Those before them. Grandfather. He is so proud to help set up the field. Traps. Obstacles. In an open field and in ancient woods I learn to survive. Grass. I am barely tall enough to been seen in. At sunset, the sun shines my silver hair golden so that I reflect the yellow grasses of a rich fall. I am rarely seen. I am barely a rustle in the grass, giggling around exploding tags and Genjutsu. I learn to be quiet when a kunai lands in front of me. I try to disorient myself. I have this memorized. I always know where I am. Is ignorance truly bliss?

I am seven now and he fucked up. He tells me he has two options. "Kakashi, I can shame you. I can free you."

He chooses the latter and now here I stand at the gates of my youth. Staring beyond dark gates. My eyes and the gate that has been closed for quite some time.

I am seven and a half on my tenth assassination mission. It's disgusting. I am bait. A perfect looking child. I am made to expose my face. My team hates me for my youth. I do not feel young. I plaster on an innocent face the best I know how. I lied to myself all day. Creating a life I will never have just so that maybe some kind of light will grace my eyes. Maybe. I am bait to an old man who has an affinity for young boys and the black trade market. If he only knew how black my market would become. I forced myself not to throw up after I slit his throat. Naked, I run back to my team and empty the contents of my stomach at their feet. They know I understand what I do. I comprehend. Damn them for doubting me. I am not sad to slit his throat. I never tell them what happened. I put on the extra clothes in my pack and walk toward Konoha. They follow in silence. Adults not knowing what to say to a supposed child. There was nothing they could say and I knew that. I did not cry. Mother cried enough for me. At home, I march past the watchful eyes of Grandmother, Grandfather, and my Mother. I turn at them and glare. I spit at their feet. My stomach is empty. They got the point.

I am eight years old and have caused too much conflict in my father's house. Grandmother dies telling me that she loves me. It counts in so many ways. More than I can ever let her know. Grandfather passes not long after that. He looked at me with hate. A tainted child that he does not know how to love. Mother doesn't know what to do with me. I don't know what to do with her. At the dinner table, she tells me she's afraid of me. She sends me to them. I become a child of Root. I learn how to better control my emotions. I try to let them go. I do not give into Root.

I watch my mother walk through the gates of Konoha. She tells me I am not her child anymore but it's not my fault. It's Sakumo's fault. I scoff at her as she goes and later learn of her death. A member of Root on simple scroll retrieval murders her. A side mission of their own. She dies every time I think of her now. I am told it is a last ditch effort to free me of my bonds. I do not give in. I grieve for her in my own hidden way. I still hide so well. I am later taken from Root by Minato-sensei. He never wanted me there in the first place.

I can take care of myself but he needed to push me in that direction.

At thirteen, I am a Jounin. I am fourteen and say goodbye to sensei, though I now say good morning to him every day, in my own drawn out way.

In this time, I have lost a friend and gained his eye as well. Three years later I am sixteen and loose Rin. No one knows where she is. She was the Sakura to my Sasuke. Naruto is her Obito. But before I lost Rin, I give into her. She tells me she is taking extra kunoichi classes and that her friend Anko knows more than the teacher. She's a weird one that Anko. She still is. She tells me that she had to get to me before Anko. I tell her Anko has already tried. Three quarters of the class has tried. Their assignment was to seduce a Jounin and seeing I am the same age as the girls in the class, they naturally try me first. I wish them luck with someone else. What a stupid assignment. She tells me it's her first time.

"Would you rather it be some creep on a mission? Taking from me what I want to give to you?" she asked.

I went for it because I understood and because I would never hurt her. But I open my immature mouth and make her mad.

"If that's the case, I'll deflower your whole class."

"Kakashi! You wouldn't!" she snapped. "Would you?"

She was so mad but I told her I was joking.

"No Rin," I sighed. "My only eye is on you at all times."

That wasn't a lie. I didn't love her though. Obito had loved her in his own thirteen year old way. That was over now. I didn't know how to love her. I didn't know where to start. But when she was around me, my eye or eyes were on her. It scared me. Losing Rin scared me. The same way Sakura does. But with Sakura, it's intense. It's stronger. I took Rin into the old house I now stand before. She lit the room afire with candles. I suppose it would have been romantic- maybe if I loved her. I hope it was for her. Looking back, I say the lack of love on my part doesn't matter. She made love to me the only way two awkward sixteen year olds could. She blew my mind before that disgusting mission of hers and I took up _Icha__Icha_. Such a disgusting trade. I never loved her though. She never came back. Maybe we both lucked out. At least that's what I thought then. It was confusing. It was selfish. I am so embarrassed I ever thought that.

Thoughts. Ordered. I can't go in there right now. I can't pass through those gates this morning. I'll visit Kisho. I don't doubt Ibiki is awake doing the same thing. He's a freak like that. But my bed lies beyond this gate. Damn you Tsunade. ANBU or bed? Torture or bed? I need sleep. But if I visit Kisho and enjoy my long day, I'll be too tired to think about torturing him when I do sleep. I sleep restlessly after torture or interrogation.

How to go about it? De-nailing? Knives? Dull or sharp? Water? Hmm. Which way to ANBU? I'm not going home tonight.

"You're up early," stated Ibiki leaving the cell.

"Is he awake?" Kakashi asked.

"Yes, I was just asking him if he'd like to tell me anything. I was sweet about it. He's smart this one."

"I know. That's why he followed me back."

"Hmm. Well, what would you like to do with him?" asked Ibiki in a rather matter of fact tone.

"Dunno."

"How high is your blood lust this morning?" asked Ibiki.

"How high is yours?"

"I'm asking you Hatake."

"Eh. I don't know. I'm all about letting my inner sadist come out but I'm tired. But if you're going to play mind games with him, I'm gone. I can't handle that right now."

"Inner sadist? I've heard your sadist isn't so inner, according to your former students. What did you have in mind?"

"The usual. Let him bleed a bit."

Ibiki laughed. "Mind training a newbie while you're at it?

"Hn. Care to join us?" shrugged Kakashi.

"Might as well. You were never the best teacher."

Kakashi scoffed. He never did get down rolling his one eye. He looked like a pirate having a seizure when he did. Well, he felt like one. All he needed to do was say "arrrrrrrr," and he'd be good. Ninjas made great pirates but pirates never made great ninjas. He would never give up the shinobi life.

"I can set up room seven for you Hatake-san," asked a new and very nervous hidden ANBU.

Kakashi eyed the younger man and shook his head.

_This kid is so green it's disgusting. He's shaking!_

Snapping out his daze with a sigh, Kakashi knew he would be trying something new.

_-Are you serious?_

_What?_

_-A newbie?_

_Yes. __Newbies__ make everyone nervous. What steady hands?_

_-Right right. Did you notice who that kid was?_

_No, but he seems familiar._

After conversing with himself, Kakashi started banging incessantly on Kisho's steel cell door.

"Rise and shine!" yelled Kakashi.

Inside, Kisho woke to lights flickering off and on. He was seeing flashes of the room around him and was met by a shower of ice-cold water. A metal bucket hit the floor and racked his brain.

"Are you awake yet?" asked Kakashi feigning innocence.

"It's you, the fire guy," moaned Kisho.

"Oh, stop. Kakashi is just fine. Wait, fire? I didn't mean to give you the wrong impression, but I'm actually a lightning kinda guy myself."

_This guy is an idiot. _"That explains your hair."

"No, my father explains that."

"Huh?" grunted Kisho. "What time is it?"

"You don't need to worry about that. Get your ass up and come with me."

"I'm not going anywhere with you. Look where it's gotten me thus far."

"Kisho, honestly, you're acting like a child. I was eight the first time I was tortured. Woops. Not that I'm going to torture you or anything," said Kakashi with a hidden grin. "I'll just have to make you come with me."

With that, Kakashi walked over to Kisho and booted him in the face. If Kisho's nose hadn't been broken already, it was now. Kisho winced, grabbing his face, allowing Kakashi enough time to grab him and lock Kisho's neck in his arms.

"If you want to breathe, you'll come with me."

"Where we goi-?" choked Kisho.

"Room seven. Don't worry, Ibiki will be there. Morino Ibiki. I'm sure you've heard of him. And a newbie. A newbie will be there too. Now's a good of time as any to learn interrogation."

Kakashi dragged Kisho down the hall by his neck.

"Walk, man- walk. Ahh, room seven. I hope you like it here. You might be here for a while, but that depends on you."

Upon entering room seven, Kisho noticed the hum of the lights. It was then that he surveyed the room, being pushed in, he had no choice. He saw walls of weapons, a section devoted to pliers of varying sizes. He saw sharp kunai, jagged kunai, a table with straps, chains hanging from the ceiling, a rack big enough to accommodate a large man. A lone chair sat in front of the chains. A coal pit burned hot. Kisho made for the rack before it vanished in front of him.

"Really, don't. I think you should just comply. That wall wont do you any good. It's sealed so it won't appear for you. If you don't cooperate, I'll have some more things brought in and we can get started right away. Scratch that, we will get started," voiced Kakashi.

Ibiki entered with the young ANBU man and looked at a free-standing Kisho. Kisho slumped and walked over to the chair.

"Don't sit down," barked Ibiki. "You won't be sitting. Why don't you march your ass to those chains. Lee, tie him up."

"Hai Ibiki-san!"

Kakashi spun at the name Lee.

"Ahh, Lee. How is my rivals protégé?"

"Youthful and ready to learn Kakashi-sensei."

"Lee, I'm not your sensei."

"But you will teach me sensei."

"Lee, this does nothing for your youth."

"Sensei, it does. It teaches me to revert to and cherish my youth. In that, I am forced to keep it."

Kakashi felt like fleeing the room and Konoha forever.

"Great, two fucking idiots torturing me," spat Kisho.

"Lee, did you hear him?" asked Kakashi.

"No sensei."

"Lee, he said that Gai-sensei was a foul creature devoid of youth. Oh, that and he'd like to kill him. Lee, go kick him."

"He said what? Sensei, I will hurt this man for dishonoring Gai-sensei."

"Good for you Lee," said Ibiki, eyeing Kakashi.

Kakashi shrugged and both men smirked.

"Ibiki, do we have any sake? It's for Lee."

"I-can" -_kick_- "not drink" -_kick_- "Kaka" - _kick_- "sensei." _Kick_. "Gai-sensei has forbidden it." _KICK!_

"Lee, don't kill him yet. And I'm your sensei here today. Drink the sake!" noted Kakashi playing the sensei card he had just tried to demolish.

Ibiki returned with some sake.

"Here Lee," said Kakashi taking the sake from Ibiki.

"NO!"

"LEE! Drink it!"

"No sensei, I cannot."

"YES!"

"NO!"

"Lee!" boomed Kakashi. He was inches away from Lee's face, Sharingan exposed.

"I will cut your fucking legs off with my Sharingan and shove them up your ass if you don't drink it," lied Kakashi. "Has anybody ever cut off your legs with their eye before Lee? And then shoved them up your ass? If you were my student instead of Naruto, I would have done that to you a long time ago. Don't make me do it now."

"Hai sensei. It is no wonder Naruto speaks so highly of you," acquiesced Lee.

"Does he really?"

"Hai sensei!"

"Then you should believe him," added Kakashi.

Lee took the bottle.

"Kakashi, are you sure about this?" asked Ibiki.

"Aren't you?"

Ibiki actually laughed. "Yes. But Gai will kill you."

"Gai isn't here. I consider Lee to be taking one for the team."

"Shall I take notes?" asked Lee before bringing the bottle to his mouth.

"No, Lee. That's fine," said the men in unison.

"To youth sensei!"

"Sure."

"What-ever."

"And you two, will you not toast to the power and beauty of youth?"

"Uhh, sure."

"To umm, youth and beauty," mumbled Ibiki.

Kakashi tried not to laugh. But to see Morino Ibiki drink to youth and its beauty was a once in a lifetime treat. Before he knew it, the bottle was shoved in his face. Raising the bottle to both men and then Kisho with a wink, Kakashi hailed youth and all it's beauty.

"Here's to youth and green spandex."

_Green spandex, thought __Kisho__All three of them.__ Idiots! I followed this guy all the way to Konoha. Well, he did kind of light me on fire. He's a lightning element __shinobi__. I hope he doesn't electrocute me._

"Ahh, is that what that shit is? Hmm, spandex." asked Ibiki.

_What the fuck! __Thought __Kisho__ again._

Putting the bottle down, Kakashi's mood darkened, as did Ibiki's. Lees knees buckled slightly as he brought his arms to the forefront of his face. He swayed.

"What- should I -do- now?" he asked.

"Lee," started Kakashi, "we're trying to get important information from this man about herbs he was collecting with a known member of the late Orochimaru's people. Her name was Chizu-"

When Kakashi said "Chizu," Kisho winced.

"Chizu?" asked Lee.

Kisho winced.

"Yes, Chizuuu," continued Kakashi. "We want to know what she had planned and why. Hint- hint, Kisho. Now would be your time to talk. We didn't get Lee drunk so he could ask you questions, so talk or face the wrath of youth and shit…whatever," he trailed off.

"You're a fucking idiot if you think I'm going to talk. This kid is drunk. He can barely stand. You just can't do this yourself can you?" Kisho spat.

Kakashi stared wide eyed at Kisho. He walked over to him and lifted his hitai-ate.

Looking at Kisho's left hand, Kakashi grinned and whispered, "Mangekyo Sharingan!" and kept it toned down. He didn't want to rip the man apart entirely.

Kisho screamed as his right hand dissolved, leaving a tattered stub at his wrist. Precision aim and much improvement, Kakashi had sent Kisho's hand to a place he would never get it back. Kakashi closed his Sharingan and unhooked a howling Kisho. He dragged him to the coal pit and stuck the stub where Kisho's hand used to be into the pit. Screaming and kicking only made Kakashi tighten his grip and press Kisho's hand harder into the coals. The smell of flesh permeated the room. The stub, cauterized, was forced to Kisho's face.

"I have no problem doing this again and again asshole. Do you want to tell me what the herbs are for?"

Kisho writhed in Kakashi grip before being thrown across the room toward Ibiki and Lee. Lee winced.

"Lee, just rough him up a bit," said Ibiki. "Remember. Information."

"Hai Ibiki-san."

Kisho staggered rising to his feet while Ibiki and Kakashi walked to the other side of the room to talk about Lee's fighting styles and how they might help rough Kisho up.

Eyeing a jagged kunai, Kakashi asked Lee how his Konoha Senpuu was looking these days, as a swaying Lee just stood there, staring at Kisho.

"I'm drunk sensei. It's of no uuuuuse riiiight now," he slurred.

As if hearing Gai speak for the first time, Lee snapped his attention to Kisho's legs and knocked him off his feet. Judging Lee's stance, neither Kakashi or Ibiki could guess that Lee could bring him down. Lee continued to sway as Kisho went crashing to the floor with a grunt.

"I have nothing to tell you if this is all you have. You're idiots really. There are more people ready to help carry this plan out. I guess all they have to do is make it to Konoha to grab the herbs. They'll know where the supplies are. They'll know Chizu is dead and I'm gone. Who else would kill her? Who else would know where I'd be?"

"Likely no one," stated Kakashi. "That camp was ashes when we left. There was no trace of you having been there. But then again, who are _they_? Why would they expect you to be here?"

"Bu- bu- but if Chizu d-doesn't re-re..." stammered Kisho as he let his burnt wrist hit the floor.

"Re-re-report?" asked Kakashi.

"Ugh. They'll know…. something's up."

"And who would _they_ be?" asked Ibiki.

"FUCK YOU!"

"Lee, hold it." commanded Ibiki. "We need to strap you down for a bit," he said to Kisho.

They hauled him to the table. Strapping him down, took the time to stare at the man. Ibiki grabbed Kisho's chin and brought his face closer to the man.

"Well, I guess we'll have to do it my way for now," stated Ibiki.

"Mmm, I don't know," voiced Kakashi.

Ibiki brought the chair next to the table and leisurely sat down. Completing hand seals, he entered Kisho's mind. What Ibiki found, he had not planned on seeing. A mental block so strong, it forced Ibiki out of the enemy ninja's mind. Kisho started to laugh. Ibiki had never encountered a block that fortified the mind so well as to make it seemingly impenetrable. He fell out of the chair and landed on the floor in a pile, only to curl into fetal position. He felt like he wasn't in his own mind. For only a moment, Kisho had images of the debriefing room. Images he had extracted from Ibiki's mind. Hugging his knees to his chest Ibiki writhed on the floor. Kakashi leaped to the side of the table and sat Ibiki up. Kisho exhaled heavily and so did Ibiki. The images were gone to Kisho.

"Your way is useless old man. Chizu made sure of that. She's heard of you. All of you," he panted.

Kisho soon found a strong pair of hands around his throat and a spinning Sharingan staring him down.

"We'll do this my way," growled Kakashi. "Should I de-nail you? I can see you have been trained in some sort of counter torture; thanks to Chizu. We might have to resort to a much more strenuous or primitive method. You will talk and you will die."

Kakashi crossed the room to the weapons rack. He stopped in front of a rack and paused. He decided he should call for an ANBU medic to escort Ibiki out and possibly Lee. He might also need one to keep an eye on Kisho.

_I'll try one more thing with this little shit and then I'll call it a night. He might pass out and then he'll wake up to some missing arm. I need to get out of here. I'm actually pissed off. What the fuck is wrong with Ibiki? Lee, Lee, Lee. Should he __leave now? Yeah. There will be plenty of people passing through these halls soon enough._

"Lee, are you sobered up any?"

"Hai Kakashi-sensei. Ibiki-san falling off the chair has sobered me up."

"Yeah. Go get two medics. One to check Ibiki over and one to keep an eye on Kisho later."

"Hai."

Lee left the room. Kakashi stared at the rack. A dull kunai will still cut. A dull kunai will rend. A burred kunai will snap, rip and tear, while cutting just the same. Kakashi chose a kunai with a green and black wrapping on the handle. The wrapping was speckled with old brown stains. Stains that had been disinfected but stayed. Stains most likely caused by Kakashi years ago. It was rusted and a dulled. No one who used room seven touched that kunai. They had stayed away from it. A younger Kakashi had come across the man who had inadvertently caused his fathers mission to go awry. A pent up teenage Kakashi had taken care of that man in a fit of near insanity as some would say. Kakashi would describe it as clarity. The other ANBU guards on that level in the basement had to pull him from the room. They peered inside and tried to figure out what happened. It didn't take long to see the destruction caused by a lone kunai laid there on the table. Blood covered the left side of the room. The man was scatter brained and torn up. Kakashi left somewhat complacent and calm. He walked home that night and actually slept. But tonight, he walked toward a set of sharpening stones, took them and walked toward a strapped down Kisho. He began to sharpen the kunai.

The stroke of steel rang in Kisho's ears. Kakashi stood at Kisho's head just behind him. Kisho could hear the grinding scrape of steel and stone. He could not see it. Finishing, Kakashi walked back over to the rack and grabbed some oil. He walked back over toward Kisho with the oil, a rag and the kunai. This time he stood near Kisho's wrist that was no longer followed by a hand and oiled the weapon, allowing the oil to drip onto his prisoner's wrist. Kisho seethed with pain. Kakashi made sure the rust was gone. With a steady hand, he brought the kunai to Kisho's bicep. He cut a line against the grain of the muscle. Kisho screamed. He dragged the tool down past Kisho's elbow and settled to cutting a line across his forearm. Both cuts were deep. Kakashi had let up both times when he felt the resistance of bone. He then cut with the grain of the muscle up the right side of Kisho's arm, connecting the two horizontal cuts. Kisho screamed. Lee entered the room and froze. The medic bumped into him.

"Oh," whispered the pink haired woman.

"What's going on?" whispered the other dark haired medic.

Kakashi continued with the left side of Kisho's arm. The now bleeding rectangle and the screaming man and Ibiki, centers of attention to Lee and the medic, went unnoticed by the pink haired woman.

"Kakashi," she whispered.

Kakashi left Kisho and walked back to the rack. This time he chose a knife. He picked it up and brought his finger to the end of the blade. Testing it for flexibility, he walked back to Kisho. When he reached Kisho he saw one last look from the man before he passed out. Kakashi sighed and took the filet knife and ghosted the gash of the bottom horizontal line. He whipped the blade horizontally and slid it up Kishos arm, all the while applying pressure with his left hand. When he finished he let the muscle, skin and fat slide off Kisho's arm when he removed the knife.

"Hn," he grunted. "I guess we need this guy disinfected and bandaged up. He has yet to talk. Passed out on me," he said turning around to his new audience.

Ibiki remained silent as the dark haired medic crossed the room with a kit to meet Kisho on the table. She began disinfecting, wincing all the while. She could see the white of his bone. She could hear his jagged unconscious breathing. Sakura stared at Kakashi. Kakashi stared back. Both of them wide eyed. Kakashi nodded his head toward Ibiki. She ripped her stare from Kakashi and made her way to Ibiki. She checked his vitals and his mind slightly. She did not want to go beyond a checkup concerning this mans mind. He didn't need it. He was simply winded.

"Let's get you back to your office Ibiki-san,"

"Hai Haruno-san."

Lee stood there completely sober staring at Kakashi.

"Lee, you can go relax if you want to."

"Hai-sensei. Sensei?"

"Lee?"

"Why did you wait until I left the room? I can handle it."

"I'm sorry Lee. I wasn't sure of your level of exposure to torture."

"I will help again if I can sensei."

"Ok. Goodnight Lee."

"Goodnight sensei. Sakura-chan, shall I walk you home?"

"No Lee. Thank you. I have an escort," said Sakura politely.

Lee eyed Kakashi and grunted before he turned to Sakura. "Goodnight Saaaakura-chan," he chimed.

Come morning, Kisho would be ready to talk about the herbs and the plan for them. And the destruction these seemingly harmless plants would cause. He would also speak of who and what they could bring back from the dead. Kisho would also confess to who else was involved.

Kakashi followed Sakura down the long hall and headed to the exit of Headquarters high above them. She only stopped to look at him before exiting. He followed her home, lagging behind her. She did not slow down for him until they were almost to the house she shared with Ino. He stopped behind her, not knowing whether or not she was mad. What she had seen tonight might have done him in for good concerning Haruno Sakura.

-_There's no way she's taking us back now, you ass._

_We- I was never really hers. She was never really mine. Would you take me back?_

_-I'd talk to you before kicking your ass again._

_That's what I would do, but I-we-I-. Ugh, I'm not Sakura._

_-I know that! You're nervous and it's rubbing off on me. I'm supposed to be your voice of reason._

_You're more like my voice of insanity. Besides, she's got to understand the interrogation process._

Kakashi picked up his head and looked at Sakura. Apparently, he was done staring at the ground. She never knew what he always found so interesting. But she had noticed more and more of him staring at the ground the longer they were teammates. It was like he couldn't look at her sometimes. But after two years of separation and considering the circumstances he left under, she understood.

_Now we have to make each other understand_, she thought.

She walked back to him and he stood still. She positioned herself to his left, as he would have to fully-turn his head to look at her that way. He lifted his hitai-ate so he could see her. He hated people standing to his left.

"Why did you lift that?" she amusedly asked.

"So I can keep an eye on you. Why did you come over here?"

"So I can keep an eye on you."

"I wasn't staring at your ass or anything. Paranoid?"

"Me? Come on. Tsunade said I needed to keep close contact with you. She's worried about you."

"She'll get over whatever she's worried about. I'm fine. Can we just go?"

They walked until they reached the house. Sakura waited quietly atop the stairs that lead to the door. Unlocking the door, she turned to him.

"Are you tired yet?"

"Yeah, actually."

"Come on," she responded quietly.

He slowly walked up the stairs and took the hand she held out as he stood in front of her.

_-You are so walking into the __lions__ den!_

_No shit._

"Just be quiet. Ino, Tenten, and Hinata are sleeping."

"You guys all live here?" he whispered as she lead him though the front door.

"No. We had a little girl talk tonight. Hinata is now Uzumaki Hinata and Okaasan."

"So that would make Naruto, Otosan?"

"Hai," she giggled, leading him down the hallway, still by his hand.

**Author Notes**

Chapter 5: Sakura fesses up to her issues and to me...she's even starting to get on my nerves.

Thanks for reading and thank you to those who have added me to their alerts and thanks for your reviews. ; )


	5. Among Friends

**Disclaimer:** I do not own 'Naruto' or it's characters.

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_**Author's Notes Concerning Chapter 5:** First I must say thank you to my wonderful beta-reader: **Pork Chop's Little Ditty.** Thank you so much for the insight into this chapter. I struggled with this chapter and wrote it, literally, nine times before sending it to my beta for the first time. When I got it back, I did more editing and cutting and have hopefully found a good ending for it and some better flow. This chapter has been all over the place and I hope it can now rest as I move on to chapter 6. What else? Oh, this is backtrack to the evening Kakashi arrived…Sakura's evening._

_And also, Happy Belated Halloween. I went as Konohamaru...I know, I know! I had some goggles that KiwarmiNingen and I use when we shoot pellet guns at each other...and a really long scarf. _

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**-Among Friends-**

Sakura stepped into the shower after a long day and debriefing. Having just walked into the house she shared with Ino, for the first time in forty-eight hours, she wanted to collapse but opted for a hot shower instead. It was 10:15 and she had rushed home after the debriefing. She had made it through the whole ordeal absorbing more information than medical textbooks and anatomy specialty scrolls. She was tired, hungry, and felt like she was forgetting something that she was supposed to do this evening. Being too tired to care, she was indeed taking her second shower of the day. It didn't matter that she hadn't done anything requiring a shower, but she felt dirty. Dirty for being so angry with Kakashi while he sat in silence for two years. The only noises he made were likely the effects of subduing another individual and bringing them to their death. Over whelmed by the statistics of his trip, she took a second to calculate the logistics of the killing spree he had been sent on. He had, on average, killed one person every three days...but those figures did not account for gaps in time and days where he had been required to kill more than once. Two hundred-seventeen people, fifteen rouge shinobi outside of the scope of his mission who were after him, which lead to a total of two-hundred-thirty-two people; a number that had surpassed the casualty total during Orochimaru's last attack, nearly twelve years ago.

Childishly, she thought that it must have been thrilling to hunt and be hunted, but quickly discarded the thoughts as reality began to set in. She had been on countless missions with this man and had seen him kill so many times before. This, however, was different. Kakashi had actually told Tsunade that he would do it all over again...but why? What had he meant? Sakura began to re-evaluate the man she had once known. Having seen the wanted posters, she had learned a plethora of information; most of those things, he had never mentioned, nor seemed to be haunted by. He wasn't ever depressed or troubled. Nothing was ever troublesome, as it had appeared to be for Shikamaru. He was not obsessed by killing as Sasuke once had been, nor was he over the top in disposition like Naruto. He was always even, in the middle, and worked hard to earn a lazy day.

Something had changed. She could see it written all over him. Kakashi liked his space, but passing out from the unwanted touch by Ibiki sent her minds wheels spinning. His posture was rigid, where it was normally not, unless fighting. His fists were clenched during the time she had seen him today, and his speech was unusually quickened. It was foreign now, this concept of talking. He seemed to do okay, but she could tell it was awkward for him to open his mouth. Where he was normally good at explaining things, he jumped to get it all out and shut up.

When she thought of her interaction with him, she also noticed his lack of eye contact. Though at times, his lack of eye contact seemed routine, she noticed he was obviously avoiding it. He avoided it the same way he avoided looking directly at her when she began to pursue the little fling she had with him. Sakura thought of how she had traced the focal points of his stares and noticed that most of them seemed to be the table, the wall, or the wall covered with pictures across from him. She thought it must have been weird to see over two-hundred photos, all on one wall, knowing he himself had killed them.

Sakura leaned against the tile wall of her shower and forced herself not to see all of the faces of those she had killed. She knew this was a dangerous thing to do. On his mission, Kakashi had topped her numbers several times over. She once had a conversation with him about killing Sasori, years ago and others in between. She had asked him if he ever had dreams in which he would see the face of somebody he had killed, over and over again. He said yes and told her that it was natural and not to worry about it but he had also given her advice. He advised her not to picture them all at once because that's when things get a bit touchy. The last thing he had told her while they talked about her killing was to remember to enforce a sort of strict logical system on yourself- create boundaries-because it was too easy to dwell any further.

Though she still didn't have many kills under her belt, the system she had set up for herself had thus far been working. She only wondered if his was and what would happen if that system broke down. Next, she worried about how long the whole debriefing process would be and for how much longer he would have to stare at those peoples faces. She changed her mind when she thought people. Targets. Targets faces. She concluded that's how he would likely see them.

After finishing up in the shower, she got out, dried off, and stared at herself in the mirror.

_Naked...ugh. What did he see in me? It's weird sometimes, to look at yourself, naked in the mirror and not recognize yourself. It's the kind of thing that happens once or twice a year and I don't recognize myself right now. Is that you Sakura? The same Sakura who has gotten herself into a mess, only to take it out on the man she dragged into it? It was so sweet of me to kick, slap, and try to kick him again. Damn that log and damn me for trying. It was so immature of me for doing it in front of Shikamaru, Genma, and Ibiki, of all people…_

It was ten-forty five and Ino was banging on her bedroom door. Sakura walked out of the bathroom, all thoughts extinguished and put on a bath robe.

"Forehead! Get out here. Dinner is still on, except Hinata brought Naruto with her. TenTen just walked in and she brought food and we want confessions from you! Sakura? This is our weekly thing ya know."

Sakura ignored Ino and took her time getting dressed while Ino filled in the girls and Naruto as to what Sakura had done to Kakashi earlier that day. Ino had just gotten back from Genma's and heard the whole ordeal from him.

Sakura walked into the kitchen where they all gathered at the table.

"Sakura-chan, Sakura-chan, have you heard? Kaka-sensei's back. Wait, of course you did, you've already kicked his ass" yelled Naruto, breaking a chopstick with his excited grip.

"Yes, Naruto and I feel like a complete jerk for doing it."

"Yes, Sakura, and why isn't he here eating dinner right now?" asked TenTen slyly.

"Because he's probably getting smashed with Genma right now, then he'll pick up some total floozy at the bar and get laid. And he's not our sensei anymore," sneered Sakura.

"Are you saying you're a floozy, Forehead?" teased Ino.

Then looking at Sakura with concern, Hinata she asked, "Are you still mad at him?"

"Yes, I'm still mad at him, but not as mad as I was. He's too tired and looks like shit...I can't be mad at that. And secondly: I am not a floozy, nor did he pick me up in a bar...PIG!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Naruto. "When did you drop the sensei anyway?" he asked brushing off the comments. _Women._

Naruto respected Kakashi but after two years, he still did not know what had happened between the two of them.

"I know when you dropped it, Sakura," teased TenTen.

"Shut up!"

"Ah -ha! So you were making out with him on that mission to Suna three years ago! Ino told me that much," she squealed back at Sakura.

"TenTen, shut up! Naruto is sitting here," whispered a red-faced Sakura. She didn't want Naruto to kill Kakashi before he found out, if he ever found out. Redemption was far from sight concerning Kakashi.

Naruto had the sly look on his face that he got when he was up to no good. His eyes narrowed and widened out as he hunched his shoulders, leaned into Sakura and whispered, "Why are you blushing? Are you mad or embarrassed?" As if realizing he had actually asked her that, his shoulders slumped and he looked angry. Naruto had seen the light...except it was so bright; he almost fell out of his chair.

She took the other chopstick out of his hand and flung it across the room where it stuck into the wall. "BOTH!"

"You know, Kurenai once told me that Kakashi likes a woman who can make a weapon out of anything and use it. And that chopstick was flying pretty straight. Look, it's stuck in the wall," said Hinata, earning glares from Naruto; she had not told him because she was not sure if what she had heard had really happened.

"You're all gonna be stuck in the wall if you don't shut your traps, all of you! Except for Hinata of course" snorted Sakura rubbing Hinata's stomach.

"Sakura, why weren't you at Genma's earlier? I thought for sure you'd be here beating the shit out of Kakashi...especially after Genma told me about your little tirade on the guy," giggled Ino.

"Why _would_ I be?"

Next, she leaned in to whisper, "I can't believe you slept with that man," she said, eyes scanning the room. She allowed her voice to rise to its former volume. "I accidentally woke him up on the couch before they got into some sake. I thought he was just lying there with his eyes closed and out of nowhere; I was in a headlock with a kunai to my throat. It was almost the single most thrilling moment of my life, but then Genma started laughing."

"Oh my," sang out Hinata and TenTen.

"Was it hot?" shot the weapons expert. "Sorry Sakura, but after that stripping and streaking incident, damn."

"No, no, it really was thrilling," protested Ino. "Sakura, do you remember the whole other fish in the sea lecture I gave you? Forget it. He's got killer arms."

"What lecture?" asked Naruto. "And Sakura, you still haven't acknowledged my comment about the Suna mission..."

"Yeah yeah, the Suna mission," said Sakura dryly.

"Oh, wait! Is this before, during or after the Suna mission?" busted Ino with laughter. "You have got to tell us the story. Hinata and TenTen don't know all of it and I've been keeping my dirty secret for a while. I know some things ya know." Then lowering her voice and barely moving her lips, Ino continued, "and don't edit it."

Having read Ino's lips, Naruto excused himself from the table, went outside, and began to pull his hair out. When these women were all together, they were impossible. Sakura was ignoring his questions if she wasn't short with him and he wanted to know why anything pertaining to Sakura and Kakashi should be edited. He came back in and appeared to be calmed down, but the air around him was whirling with frustration. Sakura did not relax.

"Okay, but Naruto, don't go kill Kakashi. He's just- well, I can't say but I wouldn't try anything. I think he'd murder you on the spot."

It was true, she did love Naruto, like a brother, but she didn't want him castrating Kakashi or locking her in her apartment forever, nor did she want Kakashi to hurt Naruto. If all Ino did was disturb his sleep, she didn't want to know how he would react to someone else trying to kick his ass.

"Alright, before the Suna mission..." he whimpered, wondering why Kakashi would murder him. "Wait! Wait! Was this when you were fighting with sensei? The day he busted out the katanas? I think we all saw a little more of you that day," giggled Naruto devilishly. "Sorry Hinata, it was before I realized I loved you."

"Yes, Naruto, that day."

"Awesome."

"Anyways," started Sakura, all eyes on her, "Naruto had just gotten his ass handed to him for the millionth time that day so I started sparring with Kakashi. He just came after me. I umm," she paused, "don't know what got into me. I just knew that Naruto's clothes were shredded and he was bleeding a little and that I had just gotten the shirt I was wearing for training. It was such a nice, comfortable shirt," she reminisced. "I didn't want him to ruin it. The katana still had Naruto's blood on it...blood stains clothes and I just don't have a good way to get rid of them yet. Sorry...I had my ass handed to me and was pissed off when the last swipe of his katana cut my shirt down the front, and my sports bra with it. He just stood there laughing like the asshat that he is. I stopped, stood still and he started laughing at me, so I grabbed my shirt, opened it up and asked him 'like whatcha see sensei?' But he just stood there and looked me in the eye the entire time. Then he lunged at me again had me in a choke hold so I couldn't move. Dammit it was so embarrassing. And of course, the wind picked up. Then, he had the nerve to say 'not interested.' And that was that."

"Sakura! What were you thinking?" demanded Naruto.

"I was thinking of using my feminine physique to my advantage, thank you very much."

"It backfired," he said. "Did you know Shikamaru and Neji were there too?"

"Believe me, it didn't backfire. I had him right where I wanted him…but I didn't realize that's what I wanted then. His little 'not interested,' comment sounded so un-sensei like. I think he was actually pissed off at me. It took me three months after that to pry him open a little bit."

"What do you mean, pry him open?" asked Naruto darkly. _ Where exactly did Sakura-chan want sensei? And why would he be pissed? He's the one that cut her shirt into shreds._

Sakura had started to loosen up. Her day didn't seem so bad anymore, and it felt good to confess. But that was only one small action with lead him to her bed.

"Alright, then when we were in Suna, it was New Years, prayers at the temple. Kiss. Goodnight. End of story."

"Kiss?" shouted Naruto in disbelief.

"No Sakura. That's not what I saw. What I saw was much better...including his face for the first time. It actually pisses me off," said a frowning Ino. She bit her lower lip. "It's a shame he wears that mask, or I'd be cheating on Genma."

Naruto's mind was reeling. Ino, Sakura-chans pig friend had seen Kakashi's face before he ever had? He knew Sakura had seen it treating some deep gashes to his face once and several times after that, so that wasn't an issue…which explained why she blushed whenever he bugged her about it. Clearly, Sakura had the hots for him, but Naruto never thought she'd take it as far as to want to do anything about it. He thought for sure it was a friend crush kind of thing she was feeling.

"Pig!"

"What, Forehead? I was just kidding."

"I know," she sighed, silently freaking out at the very thought of more competition with Ino. _Not with Kakashi. Back off Pig!_

"Is he going to wear that thing at his own wedding?" asked Hinata.

"Hinata! He'll never get married. He'll live alone, eat, sleep, do Kakashi things alone, and probably die alone." Sakura covered her mouth. "I didn't mean that, really. I'm so sorry." She really hated herself now.

"Sakura!" said an enraged Naruto. "I can't believe you just said that! It's got to be the single most horrible thing you've ever said. And, you're stalling," he added, sitting with his elbows on table and his head on his hands.

Now that he had seen Hinata, her love for him, and his love for her, he wanted to see Sakura happy but he wasn't so sure that Kakashi was the one to make her happy. He was, however, still confused. He had been on that mission and had not noticed anything.

"Fine. We got to Suna and it was really hot, as usual. I unpacked in my room and the air went out. The guy at the desk told me that they had to have it fixed the next day because everyone was getting ready for the New Year. So, I asked Kakashi if I could sleep in his room. He offered to switch rooms with me, but I wouldn't let him. We were a bit drunk so he gave up easily."

"Why didn't you sleep in my room? And why does he give into you easily?" shot Naruto.

"Or my room?" asked Ino innocently.

"Duh, Pig, duh. I had developed a major crush by this time. Anyways, I went to bed and he was a perfect gentleman. It pissed me off. He got into bed, rolled away from me and said good night. By the way, Naruto, I demand satisfaction, I don't whine for it. Try it. He doesn't listen to you when you whine. As for sleeping in your room, you snore worse than he does. Kakashi, at least, keeps it to a dull roar."

"That is such bullshit. He cuts wood in his sleep Sakura-chan and you know it," whined Naruto.

"He's probably trying to drown you out when we're on missions. Besides Naruto, his snoring is even. Yours changes every five minutes. I get comfortable with your snoring pattern, fall asleep, and then it changes. Do you know how disturbing that actually is? I don't understand how Hinata puts up with it."

"Get on with it lady" piped up TenTen.

"Okay, okay. So I cuddled up next to him at some point in the night and he didn't seem to mind- and he was so comfortable. Then, next day we spent wrapped up in New Year stuff and time speaking with Kazekage, as ordered. Later that night, we went to the temple, rang the bell, said our prayers and walked around for a while. Ino, you met up with some guy and were making out with him like all night. We were outside waiting for the fireworks in this weird garden."

"Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Let me tell the rest of the story. Please Forehead!"

"How would you know?"

"I was there!"

Sakura sat dumbfounded. Not knowing what to say, Ino continued the story.

"Okay, so there's this garden, smack dab in the middle of Suna and it seemed like everyone was at the Kazekage Tower to ring in the New Year. I ditched that guy because he called me some chicks other name. Anyhow, I saw Kakashi walking toward it earlier and noticed Sakura was following him. It was incredibly vibrant and green in the middle of the red and brown sand. It was huge and had like this jutsu around it that kept it that way. The trees were huge. Anyways, I masked my chakra and followed you guys. I had noticed the flirting and the fact that Sakura's face was not sunburned but just red from blushing all day. "Kaka-sensei" knew you were following him and he stopped to sit down against a tree. Oh, I could tell he was frustrated already!"

"Ino, I didn't know you were following us. Kakashi didn't either. You've gotten so good at masking your chakra."

"I know right! I thought that Shikamaru was cheating on me once. But back to the juice, so, here comes you, Sak-u-ra-chan. She walked up to him and out of no where; sits in his lap and wrap your arms around the poor guy."

"Poor guy?" screeched Sakura, growing more agitated that Ino had been there. At first, she was shocked, now, she was mad.

"He didn't know what to do. It was incredible to watch him freak out. He didn't know whether to throw you off of him or grab your ass...and might I add, he eventually had handfuls of it."

"Ino! Edit- Naruto-kun is pissed off enough," said Hinata, blushing. _But, I do want to hear all of it._

"Oh, no. There will be no editing, I want you all to hear what our precious Sakura is so pissed off about. Not that this is the actual event which pisses her off but it makes for a great lead up," stated Ino seriously.

"Pig, do you want your mother and father to know that you're sleeping with Shiranui Genma?"

"You wouldn't?"

"I miiiight." said Sakura triumphantly.

"Shit, I'm going to tell her soon anyway…well, that I'm seeing him," started Ino again. "Story, seriously. So, I watched Kakashi and Sakura, I wanted to make sure she was getting some. Every hardworking girl deserves it."

"Hell yeah," shouted TenTen. "But Hinata, we know you've been getting some."

"Ah-hem. Story. First, she pulled of his hitai-ate and put it around her neck. He just sat there like an idiot, not knowing where to put his hands. Oh, they never really do in the beginning. Then she pulled down his mask and kissed him and said 'Happy New Year, Sensei.' He told her to cut the shit and drop the Sensei. He tried to get up because I swear on Tsunade's precious sake, it was like the great shinobi wars were being replayed in his mind and Sakura was threatening to take him out. Kakashi's weakness isn't _Icha Icha _anymore. It's Sakura-Sakura," ended Ino, laughing.

Naruto slammed his fists on the table. Hinata, TenTen and Ino stopped laughing.

"What the fuck were you thinking Sakura? He was our sensei. I can't believe this. You know what he's like. And no offense Ino, but he's a whore, kind of like Genma, except Kakashi doesn't act like him."

"You're being a total pig about this...sleeping with a few more people than you doesn't make anyone a whore. Have you told Hinata about that last mission we all took to Grass? I thought we all understood the fact that sometimes we have to let out a little steam and be thankful if we go further with it. Look at you, married with a little Uzumaki on the way and the happiest you've ever been. Don't worry Hinata, that was before you were in the picture."

"What happened next?" asked Hinata trying to change the subject. She would hear about the mission to Grass later.

"Oh, he gave her some lecture on-what was it?"

"Binary relationships and why we always want what is opposite to us; it was sweet actually."

"Oh? I can see that. He destroys things and you heal...minus your landscape wrecking techniques of course." said Hinata.

"Yeah, something like that," said Sakura.

"And by this time, by this time," stuttered Ino, "he had his hands on her waist. Then Sakura asked him if he was comfortable with this game she was playing."

"Ino, did you record this? You're usually lacking some of the details," said TenTen.

"No, but when you see shit like this, you remember it. It was the first time I had ever seen his face and the first time I had seen them alone after all the flirting. But it gets better..."

"Ino, I think you can stop here," protested Sakura.

"No, no. I want them to get the full picture and for Naruto to understand and to stop acting like such a JERK! Sakura, you looked so beautiful and happy. I'm actually really sorry about having been there. This was your moment. It was seeing him smile for the first time, I mean a real smile, not the smiling eye and covered face, and it was at you." Ino's voice dropped off. "You hadn't been that happy since Sasuke came back and then he was an even bigger asshole to all of us, especially you."

Everyone sat in silence. "Sakura, you've got to stop being so mad at him. You make him happy. The happiest I'd ever seen him and I think it scares him. Sometimes he's emotionless-kind of like dickless-Sai, and messed up like Sai and Sasuke, but shit Forehead."

"Wow, so back to Kaka-sensei and the war Sakura started," the women snapped their heads in attention to Naruto.

Ino started again like she had not missed a beat. "Well, she traced the feature of his face first and gave his shoulders a bit of a rub down, and then out of nowhere, started grinding her hips into him and said something about a higher stakes game and that was before he grabbed her and kissed her back. This was better than anything I had ever seen or read. It was like straight out of _Icha Icha_ but better and before you ask, I borrow them from Genma. Then he freaked out about used to being your sensei, until you persuaded him that it didn't matter because he wasn't that good with you anyway. Something about him not seeing your potential then, but that you were thankful for everything you did learn. You also said something about learning more now, than you did then and that you wouldn't change it for the world. Then you told him that Tsunade had taken up the sensei job years ago and that he shouldn't worry about it. But damn, then he grabbed her ass and set her back into that rhythm she started. I was outta there. See, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

"Yeah. Grinding my hips, Ino? I sound like such a hooker. It's not like I imagined that things would go that way. I thought that I'd be a bit classier about it, but I couldn't help it."

"Well, you were grinding them quite efficiently. And now, you can tell us the rest."

"Oh? What else have you neglected to tell us? Give it up, before I beat it out of you," demanded TenTen.

"Nothing."

"Bull! You didn't come back for another two hours," said Ino snorting.

"Yes and a lot of talking can happen in two hours and you don't need to know about it. Can we talk about something else please?"

"NO!" shot Ino. "You've been avoiding this for two years and we want to know. Do you realize how many countless hours, over the past two years we have all spent talking about shit like this, and you kept your mouth shut? We want to know it all and we always will. So cough it up."

No one said anything as Sakura just sat there. Her face was red; she could feel Naruto glaring at her, a look that promised death for Kakashi, and her if he heard any more details.

"Forehead, we want it all. How big, how good, how long does he last, favorite position, weird quirks, noises he makes, just give it to us all...does he give it to you good or is it that bad that you just don't want to talk about it? I hear he's no slouch in the bedroom..."

"Will you shut up?" This time, it was Sakura's turn to rant and be pissed off. Naruto winced. "Do you honestly think that I wanted to tell you any of those things? Don't you think that it hurts? Any of it? Do you know what it feels like to open yourself up to someone like that, go through all the shit we've been through together over the past twelve years, wonder whether or not you love that person?..." She stood up, knocking the chair over and was pacing the room. "And then one night he tells me that he thinks he loves me after fucking all over the apartment you and I live in? By the way, Ino, I fucked him in your bed too! Then! Oh, then, I woke up the next morning wrapped around his pillow and he was gone. Fucking gone and Tsunade wouldn't tell me why. I've been wondering whether he's been dead for the past two years! Then he comes back and "oh, Sakura, it was a mission." Did I tell you he actually started to spell it out for me? Fucking M-I-S...fucking shit! And now, he can't even look me in the eyes or anyone for that matter. Did you happen to pick up on that earlier Ino?" she demanded.

They thought she was done but she had lost it. Twenty-five months of tears began to spill from her burning eyes. "But, if you really want to know, do you still want to know? Big. Bigger than Sasuke, bigger than Shikamaru and anybody else I've slept with. Happy? How long? How long do you want to feel that fucking great? Favorite position? Oh, we tried plenty of them and I'm pretty sure Hatake Kakashi wrote the Kama Sutra himself and I helped. Holy shit did I surprise myself. I'm a sucker for anything that hits it hard, and he hits it hard every time. But when he slows his mind and body down and just looks at me, I could cry. Weird quirks? I was too busy yelling out his name and praying to anyone that would listen, that it would never end. What else?" she ended abruptly, shaking.

After calming down and pausing, she turned to her best friend.

"Ino, let me tell you that when the day comes and Genma might be gone for that long, and you're not allowed to know why, then you can tell me about how hard you like it or what he sounds like when he's fucking you."

Naruto sat, wondering if this was his same Sakura-chan. He knew she was a very passionate person, but he had never heard her talk about how she felt while Kakashi was gone. He didn't ask because he figured she was shocked and little lost like he was. He never once thought he'd hear that Kakashi was bigger than Sasuke, or anyone for that matter.

Almost inaudibly, she spoke again. "When you wake up because you swear he's there, standing at the foot of your bed, whispering your name, you'll be sick because he's not. You'll be sick because all it took was you thinking you heard him and you can't touch him anymore. You'll be mad because he woke you up again, and he's not even their to listen to you complain about doing it. Everybody you see with his hair color, anyone with a senbon sticking out of their mouth, or someone with their face in a book, you'll wish it was him. And when you see him again, if you do, hear him, and watch as he looks at you like he doesn't know you- you'll know what it's like to be on that other side of him instead of with him."

They were silent. No one moved or said a thing.

"Sakura," began Naruto quietly. "How long was it all going on…you know, before he left?"

He did not think Kakashi was that easy. The time between the Suna mission and when he left had been so short. It was the time in between the different relationships that they had with one another that replaced, so easily, the months of anxiety usually spent getting to know someone.

"About eight months, but that's if you include all the flirting," she said before getting up to walk out to the back porch.

They continued to sit at the table in silence. After a few minutes, Naruto got up and went outside. It was 11:30 and he was tired, but he really wanted to talk to Sakura.

She was sitting outside in a chair, in the dark, smoking a cigarette. She heard Naruto come outside.

"Before you say anything, these are my fathers and he left them here, so I'm taking the liberty to smoke them. I think, I really need one," she said as Naruto came to stand before her.

He slunk down to the ground before her and sat Indian-style. He looked up at her with his deep blue eyes and apologized.

"I'm sorry for reacting that way, but I'm still not sure how I feel about all of it."

"Naruto, I love you and we have been through so much…but I'm not asking for your approval when it comes to Kakashi. I need his because he's involved in it," she said. "And I don't know what's left of the relationship I had with him anymore."

"Why would you wonder Sakura-chan? You know he wouldn't get involved this far or this much if it wasn't something he cared about. According to Ino, he didn't seem to mind too much."

"Oh, but he did at first. If there was one thing Ino was right about, it was him freaking out."

"See, he never freaks out about stuff…well, he did tell us once that his word was law during the bell test…but he only said that to get us to think and go question him. Sometimes, he has a reason for everything. Like, hmm, okay, he's late all the time, but what did we learn from his lateness?"

"I don't know, patience?" she laughed quietly.

"Yes, patience," he answered softly, surprising himself. "And if you've got him freaking out, that's because you turned his world upside down…that's why I was so mad about that Kaka-sensei dying alone thing. You get to him Sakura."

"I think you're right, but I don't want to believe it right now Naruto. I'm not really that mad at him anymore…I'm worried about him."

She proceeded to tell Naruto why she was worried about Kakashi and Naruto told her that she needed to keep an eye on him, instead of slapping him around. But he also told her not to be afraid to slap him every now and then because sometimes, that's what it takes for him to get the message from Hinata.

Naruto took one drag of Sakura's cigarette, when Hinata's voice rang out, "Naruto? Are you smoking?" She wasn't even outside. _How did she know?_

Sakura wondered if she'd ever get to that place with Kakashi, if he or she would ever allow it, when she realized she already knew when he was up to no good.

Naruto said goodnight to the ladies and Hinata told him that she was going to spend the night here. They would make it a sleep over, something they hadn't done since they celebrated becoming Jounins. TenTen opted to stay as well. They curled up in the comfortable couches and chairs in the living room and put on a good sappy movie. One good sappy movie turned into two and a half as they fell asleep in their spots, huddled up together. It was not long after that when Lee had shown up, knocking on the door frantically, waking them all up and requesting Sakura come to headquarters.

Ino was trying to listen in.

"What is it?" whispered TenTen.

"Something about Kakashi-sensei, Ibiki, a prisoner and torture. How thrilling!"

With that, Sakura left, and when she came home, she had Kakashi in tow.

Kakashi stood just inside her bedroom door, not wanting to leave, not wanting to stay. His throat was dry and he wasn't sure if she was mad, tired, or just quiet and he didn't dare look her in the eye. He had washed up before Sakura walked him back to her house, so he really had no excuse to escape into the bathroom that was adjoined to her room. He could lie and say he had to use the bathroom, but judging by the space between the door and the floor, she'd know he was hiding. His mind raced slightly, along with his heart and he suddenly found it much easier to be held captive and tortured than face her right now, without knowing how she felt about what she saw. But he found he wanted to be there. Part of him believed that she would understand. The other part of him was waiting for her to find fault with him.

They remained in silence.

Sakura just sat there, on her bed, not sure what to say to him. She had spent all night defending her actions and concluded her evening with a scolding and a quiet talk with Naruto about Kakashi. She was lost for a second, into her own thought of 'he hits it hard every time,' and just stared at him, not believing she had even said that. Thinking how boys grow into men slowly, she thought about Kakashi when she first met him and that never included him deciding to stand almost in her room, let alone ever falling in love with him. He had grown up too, a long time ago, but now, he was facing change in his life again and a lot of it. She concluded that he would be growing up some more and was afraid to lose him. Now, this man standing before her, had sliced away parts of another man and she wondered what else he had done in his past that she had no clue about- but she knew there was so much she would never know. It wasn't good enough. She had to know him better and wanted more of him. She tried to reason that the sensations she was feeling right now were because she was staring at her lover and she had waited two long years to be with him again. She still waited for him.

She understood why he was interrogating the prisoner and that it couldn't be helped because something had brought Ibiki to the floor. Never once had Sakura thought that she would see that man on the floor. It seemed Ibiki was too hard for that sort of thing, but she remembered that all shinobi, in the end, are some kind of person or another. He was supposed to be intimidating, but he sat, looking like his brain had been wrecked. In all actuality, it had been. But what to do about Kakashi? Naruto had told her to keep an eye on him and she had decided to do that anyway, which would explain him standing half in half out of her bedroom door. It was time for her to begin breaking his silence.

"Come to bed would ya?" she asked nonchalantly.

"I'll sleep on the couch."

"Nope, TenTen is sleeping there. You are stuck in this comfortable bed. Poor you," she mocked.

"You're weird," he said removing a hand from his pants pocket to scratch the back of his head.

Kakashi walked over to the bed, laid down and went rigid at the familiar downy softness under his head.

"This is my pillow! You thief!" he scolded.

"Well, in that drawer, are you favorite pajama pants, along with several of your shirts, and my personal favorite, a dark gray fleece pullover. Thank you for the warmth," she said brightly.

Making his way to the dresser, he asked, "which drawer?"

"Dunno," she said knowing damn well, where his clothes were.

He started with the top drawer, but stopped when he saw her unmentionables filled it. He laughed, just a bit, and took out a black thong and flicked it at her, like he would a rubber band.

"Really Sakura, these are so impractical," he laughed, but did not tell her that she should keep them or how she looked in them. He always had a comment or two to make about her underwear.

"So are masks...sometimes," she replied, knowing what he did not say, which he had said before.

He dug deeper in the drawer, having seen a mass of more complete clothing under some underwear. He pulled out a shirt and when he opened it up, out of its folds fell a very familiar pair of underwear and matching bra. Sakura knew those were her lucky set.

"Do you remember those?" she asked feeling him out.

"Yes."

Sakura took notice that he remembered them, but knew that he had not intended to say anything further, where his usual self would have. He was just as lost as she was, if not more.

"And?" she pressed.

"And my shirt," he said tossing it to the bed.

_Damn him. Keep pushing._

He grunted something to the extent of "hmpf," and closed the drawer. He opened the second drawer and found a world of shirts and more shirts. The third drawer was the pajama hot spot. In this drawer, he found shiruken-print medical scrub bottoms, and nodded his head in approval. They were always comfortable. He threw them at her and they landed on her head.

"Do they come in kunai?" he teased

"Yes, and Sakura blossoms, oh, and I believe they have scrubs with dogs for veterinarians. All types actually."

"Cute," he said finally coming upon three pairs of his pajama pants.

He grabbed his shirt from the bed, his favorite pajama pants and walked into the bathroom to change. Sakura took notice, as she had stripped down in front of him earlier. She sat there, wondering what his problem was.

_Is he not interested anymore? No, no, he's just tired._

Kakashi stopped to look in the mirror when he had finished changing but looked away at the sight of his own face. He had not seen it in so long that it was a foreign concept unto himself. He left the bathroom and walked back to the bed. Taking the pillow from the bed, he laid down on the floor, only to sit up and snag an extra blanket Sakura kept at the foot of her bed and laid back down.

"The floor?" asked Sakura.

"Hm..."

Silence engulfed the room again.

"I'm not trying to be a dick...I don't want to let you down again," he said, unseen.

Sakura crawled to his former side of the bed and leaned over the edge.

"You haven't let me down yet," she said giving him the eyes of concern.

"Then what was all of that today...I know we talked about it earlier, but really..."

"That was me missing you," she told him.

"You never beat the shit out of Sasuke when came back,"

"I didn't miss him like I did you," she confessed.

"Well, give me some time. I'm sure I'll let you down real soon."

"Please, at least try not to. You're an excellent kisser, you give great hugs, and you spoon so well."

"Shall I summon the dogs for you, they taught me everything I know in the spooning department," he said dryly.

"No but I'll summon your ass back into bed and make you spoon with me if you don't do it of your own accord," she said yawning.

"Goodnight Sakura," he said turning away from her and rolling on to his stomach.

Kakashi fell asleep as soon as the light went out but the sleep that would come to him tonight would be disturbing.

He awoke three times in the last two hours, each time covered in sweat. He felt closed in, inside of a place he wasn't familiar with. There were walls, a ceiling, and substance that seemed out of place compared to the great outdoors. To make matters worse, the sun was starting to rise. He mumbled something to himself about conceding to defeat and crawled in bed with Sakura. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close to him. She bent her legs to accommodate the perfect spooning angle and sighed.

"I win," she whispered.

"I know."

He pushed her hair aside, and feeling more comfortable with her, kissed the back of her neck, and settled himself for more sleep. Still, the sleep he desired did not come to him.

Kakashi felt himself hanging in the air, staring at the ground. He lifted his head to see what type of restraints he was hung from. There were two hooks in each bicep and two more in each forearm. He could not move to turn his head to see his back. He felt the dulled but painful sensation of his back being ripped open by a blade, but he remembered this to be the second time he felt the pain. He felt his skin part and could hear a snapping of flesh that had been taught. His body jerked and his left side fell slightly as the skin ripped. His left leg was now suspended a bit higher than the rest of that side of his body.

He yelled as a figure approached him. Someone knelt down in front of him, grabbed his head, and jerked his chin up. He struggled to turn his head away but stopped as he felt the tension in his back pull at him again. Another figure approached and grabbed his head and held him still.

"There will be no more noise from you."

He didn't move for fear of the skin on his back being ripped off but he knew that whatever was holding him in the air held deeper than skin. He felt the heat of a branding iron on the back of his right thigh and realized that his legs were hooked, just as his arms and back. Body suspension.

He jerked his head up and was silent. A needle and thread were brought before him. He watched each time as an unknown figures hand brought the needle back to his lips, pierced through the skin and continued to his lower lip. When the face in front of him became clear, he saw that it was Sakura. Twenty stitches later and his mouth was sewn shut but it did not prevent the painful groans erupting in his throat.

He thought it was the end as he felt suffocated, not being able to get enough air with his mouth sewn shut. He thought he was finally going to be finished off. Twenty-nine years- it had been a good ride-and he even had the chance to fall in love as his mind flashed to the day he half-heartedly reconsidered starting a family and having children, but it was too late now.

The next sensation to reach him was the feeling of falling, but not an accelerated free-fall. The ground he thought he would hit seemed to continue forever until he jerked and saw Sakura laughing at him, her hands covered in his blood. Another sensation reeked havoc on his body and was that of a femine voice, pleading with him to wake up, gently shaking him. Kakashi bolted upright and found he was in a bed. His labored breathing continued as he turned to look at Sakura. The sun that was filtered through a sheer curtain flickered as the wind blew it. She seemed to glow, backed by the light. He looked at her and swore to himself that she had never looked so beautiful.

She brought her hand to his face. "Are you okay? Bad dream?"

He could not respond, as if his mouth was sewn shut again. He brought his hand to his lips and felt for the stitches that had once really been there. There weren't any scars, he had healed those himself. His eyes remained wide as he took her in. Looking at her, he found his mind had stopped working. She smoothed her hand over his cheek and looked intently but softly into his eyes.

"Are you okay?" she repeated.

His heart beat quickened and he wasn't sure it could beat any faster.

"You're going to kill me," he said quietly, believing that one day she would indeed send him into cardiac arrest.

"What?" she laughed.

"You look so beautiful right now," he said forgetting the image he saw in his dream.

Kakashi suddenly felt desperate to hold her and tried to tell himself not to touch her. It was bad enough she was touching him. Events from the past few days seemed to be fleeting thoughts and two years of missing her had welled up inside of him. He backed away from her, scooting back to his side of the bed and got up. He did not want to kiss her and be let down himself. There was no guarantee that she would want him back after last night.

"I have to go," he said.

Sakura sat there dumbfounded and followed him out the bedroom door, down the hallway and into the common area where Naruto, Hinata, Ino and TenTen sat, enjoying a late breakfast. Kakashi walked past all of them in a rush and headed for the door and opened it.

"Your bag!" yelled Ino. "Genma dropped it off."

He rushed to the kitchen, stared at them all for one second and grabbed his bag. Naruto blinked and Kakashi left. Naruto still sat stunned in the kitchen, along with the girls, before flailing his arms about.

"His face! Baka! His face and he didn't even stick around for me to get a better look! Baka! Sakura-chan, what did you do to him?"

"Nothing, I think."

The door opened again.

"Sakura!" called an angry voice.

She turned to see Kakashi standing in the doorway. He walked back toward her.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Never mind,' he said waiving a hand in the air.

He walked back toward the door and Sakura walked into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. They heard the door open again. This time, Kakashi walked back into the kitchen and just stared at her, his brow furrowed. She looked up from her coffee, smirking at him. She was delighted to see him in this state of distress, considering his actions last night. He sighed and she sighed back, mocking him. He stuck his tongue in his cheek. She put down her coffee and did the same. The group sitting at the table played tennis watching the two of them. He scratched the back of his head, wondering why she was making fun of him. She scratched the back of her head. He made a face at her and she made the same face back. He then stuck his tongue out at her and left, something so elementary but it was his gesture of flirtation toward her, just as Rin had often done to him. She understood and laughed as he walked to the door one last time.

Sakura went to the window to watch him walk away. She opened it.

"Oi! Hatake!" she yelled.

She stuck her tongue out back at him, returning the favor of a kiss they both wanted but were too scared to initiate.

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_**Authors Notes:** I realize this is my story but am undecided how to start chapter 6. Let me know: Kakashi monologue, which seems to be a hit or something else? I have plans for this chapter, but don't know if I should do it Kaka style or not._


	6. Observing Lies Part One:The Greatest Lie

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or any of its characters and the like. I do, however, own Iwate Aito.

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_**Author Notes:**__ First of all, thank you to my Beta: __**PorkChop'sLittleDitty **__for being amazing! I would also like to apologize for the long time in between this chapter and the last. I appreciate the patience of those who have requested that this story be updated soon. Life is quite honestly crazy right now. I might have put this story under Romance/Angst but did not. What is angst in the end but part of an adventure?...no matter how shitty it is. But don't worry, we'll get to adventure. And keep in mind that angst, romance, and love all too often go hand in hand._

_Manga spoilers as to who certain Danzou is._

_I also want to say thank you for your reviews of previous chapters and to those of you for adding this story to your alerts or favorites. "I 'precciate it," as the weird folks where I am say. I try to hit everyone back and apologize if I missed a few. My life is a bit upside down at the moment._

_I have also given in and upped Kakashi's age. I just felt like it. I'm not quite sure how old he is right now…but let's imagine he's in his early to mid thirties. I know, I know, how horrible but I'm so indecisive about this. Sakura remains 23. I'll figure it out before Chapter 7._

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**Rating Note:** This chapter contains violence that could be considered graphic- along the lines of chapter 4's violence. I'm sorry for the lack of warnings before…I apologize wholeheartedly. I just forget that some folks get squirmy about that stuff.

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"_Am I alive or thoughts that drift away?  
Does summer come for everyone?  
Can humans do what prophets say?  
If I die before I learn to speak  
Can money pay for all the days I lived awake  
But half asleep?" _

_-"__Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth With Money in My Hand", by Primitive Radio Gods_

_

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_

**Observing Lies Part One: The Greatest Lie**

In eastern Konoha, a man sat in the middle of a field textured by wild, green spring wheat. A field he had not sat in, in nearly twenty years. He sat in the steady noise of jumping grasshoppers, sleeping dogs, and his own breathing.

He was covered in mud, as the ground was still wet from the spring rains as he had taken the time to romp around with his beloved companions. He watched a dog he proclaimed not to own, wake with a grasshopper on its nose, and spring from its position to attack it. He remembered this scene; only the dog had been a puppy, just as he had been at the time.

In western Konoha, a woman sat at her kitchen table. A table that had seen many meals shared by her friends with the coming and going of time. She sat in the steady furry of her laughing friends, cereal crunching, and coffee being sipped.

She was still wearing a man's pajamas she had borrowed years ago, as she had chosen not to leave the kitchen and return to his scent, still in her bed. She watched her friends make themselves busy eating, just as she had done two years ago when he, unbeknownst to her, walked away. She remembered this scene, only she counted on him returning later that day.

A dog wearing sunglasses barked and took Kakashi down, just as he was about to rise. He was wrestled to the ground. Initially sitting, he changed his position to something more comfortable, lying. He was hidden now, by the wheat, something he had not been since he was four years old. There were no giggles in the grass today, but the half hearted laughter of a thirty-two year old man and his dogs. There was no one to throw weapons at him. There was no one to call him in for lunch, ruffle his dirty hair, or make him wash up before he sat down at the table.

A man, with a milk mustache lunged at Sakura and hugged her, just as she was about to get up from her chair. She fell into his hug, but left the kitchen anyway, to return to her bed where she laid down. She was hidden now, under her covers, holding his pillow, taking in his scent; something she had not been able to do since she was twenty-one. There was no laughter or heat of the moment to share with him, but the whole hearted sigh of a woman who loved a man trapped in his own world. He was not here again, to hold her in the morning the way he used to. The way he had earlier, before his mind or whatever he was thinking about started to trap him again. He was not here for her to look at. She knew something was different and she missed him, even as she lay in bed with him only moments before.

Kakashi lay in the grass focusing on Sakura more than the mission he had to complete. He took in all the air he could and breathed out her name shakily. For an instant, having spoken her name, he felt overwhelmed by the fact that he was not holding her right now. He almost wondered why he had gotten out of bed and left but he knew exactly why. He could not think despairing thoughts while in her presence. He did not want to taint her with his hidden secrets. Secrets and fears that he would confront again today at the cost of his sanity.

He gave himself no credit as he could not see what he had accomplished on that mission. Yet, he sat, worried to death that his mind would fail him. He was selling himself short. And when he thought of Sakura and himself, he saw, for the first time, destruction. Kakashi felt it reckless to have done what he did before leaving her house this morning as waves of guilt crashed in his stomach.

* * *

I never should have gotten into bed with her. Scratch that. I never should have gone home with her.

What was I thinking? Reverting to a momentary thought of comfort? A moment I had felt before. Feelings I felt safe having. Once. I felt safe in them once with her. But I need to find safety in my own thoughts before I find it in her.

She's too good for the things I have done or any other shinobi. For the things I will do again in the future. Future. I cannot have one with her because she has none with me. She is a kunoichi but she makes up for it every time she lays her hands on someone else. Every time she heals another.

She cannot heal me. This is something I have to do myself.

* * *

Sakura lay in her bed focusing on Kakashi more than the mission she was now a part of- research hopefully and the fact that Naruto had told her to keep an eye on Kakashi.

For an instant, she pictured him smiling back at her this morning but soon let out a grumpy grunt. Burying herself in his side of the bed, she took in his scent again, audibly, spilling tears along with his name. She re-traced his actions this morning and wondered why he had informed her that she was laughing at him or why she was about to kill him in his dream.

Kakashi looked up to check angle of the sun, not really caring if he would be late. Sakura peered out from beneath her comforter at her alarm clock to be sure she wouldn't be late. Sakura got up to hop in the shower. Across town, submerged in their respective thoughts, both thought about being in each other's company but were unsure of how to go about repossessing one and disbanding from the other.

Together, they should have found comfort. Together, they should be sitting or lying in bed, making the most of their morning, like they used to. Mornings had been gentle and sleepy to them as they had taken to spending the night at each other's places. They were content just to hold each other. There was never a rush concerning the nature of their sexual relationship, as it had only bloomed just before he left. But in the morning, the rest of their day had always seemed to come as an afterthought when compared to the notion of lying in bed with one another. Of course, some mornings were a bit more heated, but they had taken their time to get to that point.

Today, their lives were held in suspension, much like Kakashi had been, not only in his dream, but had actually been six months ago. This was his reason for leaving this morning, as much as he hated to admit it, he needed to be by himself.

He lay back in the grass, shut his eyes, and allowed a hint of sleep to wash over his tired body and mind.

_He was hanging upside down this time. He felt his head throb as blood pooled in his skull. He knew if he could see his face, it would have been red. Too red. _

_He squinted in the sunlight. It was too much and burned his Sharingan, despite the fact that it remained tightly closed._

_His hands were bound and hung beyond his head. His ankles were bound above him. He had been in the sun for quite some time._

_Kakashi could feel the tugging of healing skin being ripped apart by the tension his body was forced to feel. This time, he felt his own weight rip at the skin on his back. He tightened his back muscles, only to feel the weight of collected somethings move…he did not know what they were. Something small in a large quantity were stuck inside him. He flinched and a nerve located in the middle of his upper spine sent painful shocks through his body._

_The pain followed up his spine, or down, as he hung, into his neck. It almost tickled at his throat. As he breathed, the tingle left him with constricted breaths. He tried to breathe again but found himself suffocating._

"_He's awake!" yelled a child._

_The said child moved into his view and squatted down in front of him, placing his hands on his knees. He reached around to the back of Kakashi's neck. His hands were cool on hot skin. The child moved Kakashi's head to allow him air and walked around and pulled one of the somethings out of Kakashi's back._

"_I'm sorry but I have to tell them," said the boy holding a bloody senbon. "They'll hurt me if I don't. Believe me; I learned my lesson because of you."_

_A man came into view next and grabbed Kakashi and pulled him._

_He motioned his head and curled at the waist to see what was above him. He was attached to a pole that jutted from another pole. The man swung him around and forced him to straighten out by twisting another, assumed senbon, further into muscle._

_Looking down, Kakashi saw a metal ring sticking out of the ground and murky water in it. He was suspended, still upside down, over a cylinder of water that was planted in the earth. Knowing it was useless to try to say anything, as his mouth was sewn shut, Kakashi found himself being lowered toward the water._

_His head naturally hit the water first and his lowering was halted. He jerked lower toward the pit and found he was in the water, only to his eyes, which he shut as soon as he saw the pit. It was narrow but he knew he would fit, leaving little room for the senbon in his back. _

_Seemingly all at once, Kakashi found himself plunging into the water. Panicking, he snorted water into his nose. There would be no way he could choke it out. Through the water, he could hear the eerie sound of metal scraping metal and felt pressure on the senbon as his body lit up in pain. He uncontrollably jerked his body and with each thrust, he could feel the needles wedge themselves into his back deeper and deeper._

_When he was pulled out of the water found the boy in front of him again._

"_Aito, hurry, we don't want him to die yet."_

_The boy was back to cut the stitches he had sewn earlier, thus allowing Kakashi to gag on the water forced through his nose and choked it up._

_The process was repeated again and again. Each time, Kakashi noticed something different about his body as he tried to calm himself down. Once, he noticed and was thankful that each senbon that might have been directly over his spine, had been removed. But something there still burned. After the third trip into the dark metal cylinder of water, Kakashi noticed that his feet were sunburned. He had been in the sun for quite some time…_

_He was burned and had been in the sun. Right? It should have been winter. He was in a hot climate. Wasn't he? The cooling sensation he felt on his feet by the water, felt different though. He had once fallen asleep in the sun at a younger age, in a hammock. His feet had been angled up and the bottoms burned. He stuck them in cold water to relieve them but it had felt different. He wondered if they had been burned with fire or a branding iron. That, he could not remember. _

_He was thrust into the water in intervals over a time span of what he calculated to be three more hours._

_The next flash he saw in his dream was the feeling of himself running with the Chidori ready and a man in his path. He collided with the man and then saw him turn into the boy that had sewn his mouth shut. Iwate Aito, as Kakashi had learned his name. He fell to the ground with Aito as he tried to disperse the chakra exposed by his Jutsu and jerked._

Kakashi awoke from his sleep and sat up, only to collapse to the ground again. He turned and lay face down in the dirt, taking in the smell of the earth and sighed, thankful to be upright and dry but sick at the thought of the boy.

He needed a good thought, immediately. He needed something to keep him from falling into the memory of the young boy's eyes and face. A face he saw every night in his sleep for the past six months. He scrambled and all he could see was the fading image of Aito and green eyes before him.

_Sakura._

Hurriedly, he allowed himself the pleasure of remembering the way her body moved under his and the way it writhed in pleasure above him. He concentrated on the way her voice was hoarse with his name rolling off her tongue.

He saw the way her body thrashed as he thrust himself in and out of her heat. She reached her first orgasm with him and Kakashi recalled the look on her face before he allowed himself to succumb to the same pleasure. But oh, how he loved how they had gotten to that point. It had been a tease that lasted for nearly eight months. It consisted, after their kiss, of stealing looks at one another while they were around unknowing others. This progressed into one of them leaving a room and the other following, only minutes later.

There was rapaciousness in how they approached one another when one walked away and the other snuck off after the other. With predatory looks in their eyes they blitzed one another and over time, their stolen moments of heated friendliness turned into something much needier before building up to a night of drunkenness. They allowed themselves to cross that line as they abandoned all finality in their reservations of taking the next step.

Kakashi tore himself away from those thoughts. It had been enough and left him wanting her all over again. He looked at Pakkun, who sat next to him and sighed. He hadn't mentioned any of this to him and immediately felt guilty because of his own thoughts and actions. It was right then but it was not now.

Pakkun looked back at Kakashi and knew that he wasn't summoned to track or talk today but was there just to be near him. If it should come to talking, they would but neither of them would push. Over the years Pakkun had learned to read Kakashi as if he were reading himself. Today, he smelled guilt, a hint of confused fear, and regret. He was slightly angry with the man because he was not forthcoming over the past two years with how he was feeling or what he was going through and was often at times very short with the pug.

He knew why he was there and was not bothered by this- not because he had something better to do or somewhere else to be, but because the last time he was summoned like this, he had been standing next to a younger Kakashi.

_No words were exchanged as they stood in silence. A boy and his dog. The dog stared at his young master and knew he would not talk much tonight. He had not talked in quite some time really. Typically, on a day as beautiful as it had been, the two would run and train together until the sun set into night. Sometimes their training or play would extend into the moonlit sky. Just because the sun went down, didn't mean missions ended. Pakkun knew that nothing of the sort would happen today._

_The pug could smell something distinct on the boy, something he would only smell after Sakumo returned home from a rough day of training, a mission, or a laundry pile- though in the Hatake house, such things were taken care of quickly. He smelled blood on Kakashi and fear. _

_The blood held the familiar metallic tinge of iron but the fear was laced with confusion. The boy did not move to do anything; he only stood still just outside of a sliding door. Looking down, Pakkun could see small footprints. Bare feet markings on the floor colored red. Looking up, he could see the small smearing of blood on a rice paper door. It started as a grouping of spread finger tips and moved down the door. Small finger tips turned into partial fingers before meeting a developed palm. The smeared hand print picked up from the screen and slid into pointed tips before becoming shaky lines._

_Kakashi opened the screen and motioned for Pakkun to follow him into the room. He said nothing. The boy said nothing. Kakashi stood near a blood soaked tamati mat and gazed at the sight before him. He let out a sigh and looked down at his feet. He let out another disappointed sigh and shook his head. He had stepped in blood again. _

_He oddly wiggled his toes in the blood and they felt slippery as it squelched and seeped up through his toes and onto the top of his feet. Pakkun looked from Kakashi's feet to his face. Without the mask, Pakkun could see a look of distaste and deep consternation. He was thankful that his master's mother had forbidden her son from wearing the mask in the house. _

"_In this house, our son is a child, not a shinobi! He's a little boy, Sakumo, and his teammates don't need to see that, but I still do!" she had once yelled._

_Her anger left her as Sakumo tried to understand her as he preferred to leave the decision to Kakashi- he was a Chunin after all. Pakkun thought Sakumo had been strong then. In those days. But he eventually wilted and not beautifully so. It was as if an early frost had bitten the once beautifully willed man and claimed him all too early._

"_Pakkun," whispered Kakashi. "I think this is what mom and Jiraiya-sama were arguing about the other night…who should I go get first?" he asked without surprise in his voice. Instead, it was sadness and anger._

"_Jiraiya-sama," Pakkun had whispered back. "It will be too much for your mother."_

Pakkun's next memory of the night came to him in the form of a young Kakashi walking into a bar in downtown Konoha.

_Blood stained his clothes and the tops of his feet, as well as Pakkun's paws. Blood also stained the boy's small hands and a spot on his cheek that Kakashi would later and all too quickly argue had not been because he was crying but because he had dry skin and it itched._

"_Kid! What are you doing in here?" called out a bartender._

_Kakashi ignored him and made his way to a table of women, a mass of white hair sticking up, and an unfamiliar blonde teenager. He stood quietly as the adults around him laughed and drunkenly spoke with one another. He went around the table to where Jiraiya was sitting and stood with his hands together and his head bowed. He waited for what seemed to be forever before the table went silent and a woman who sat on Jiraiya's lap rested her arms on the man's shoulders and turned her head to look at Kakashi._

"_Whatcha need sugar?"_

_Kakashi did not respond as he was not there to talk to her or anyone other than Jiraiya. The table went silent and Jiraiya turned around. A drunken look in his eye, he was surprised to see Sakumo's pup standing before him._

"_Kashi-kun, what brings you here? Sakumo said he was staying home with you. Shouldn't you be in bed? I mean it's past your bedti-" Jiraiya cut himself off._

_He stopped and looked the boy up and down. Kakashi kept his head bowed to the floor and closed his eyes. Pakkun stayed brutally still. Jiraiya motioned to stand and the woman got up as well. Having noticed Kakashi's bloody hands and bare feet, she walked around to him and knelt before him. Placing one hand on his shoulder and the other under his chin, she lifted up the boys face to meet her own._

"_Baby, why are you covered in blood?" she asked alarmed. She ran her hand down Kakashi's cheek, trying to wipe the dried blood away._

_She grabbed a napkin from the table. It was damp from the sweat of the beer bottle that had been resting upon it. She brought it to Kakashi's face and wiped away the blood. She nodded at him and Kakashi nodded back. She pulled just enough of the mask away to wipe away the remaining crimson stain. Pakkun agreed. Blood should not stain a child's face. Kakashi was not a shinobi right now. He was a little boy, on a mission to alert a man that his father had ended his own shame. Shame Sakumo did not want Kakashi to feel. Even then, he was alerting, not running for help. There was nothing to help. The deed was done and Kakashi knew it._

_Jiraiya knelt down directly in front of Kakashi's stare. Pakkun watched as Kakashi bit the inside of his right cheek and sighed as he unclasped his hands. When his hands fell to his side, they formed small fists. He lunged at Jiraiya and started hitting him in the chest._

"_You knew this was going to happen! You knew and you told her but she didn't listen to you. He didn't listen to you either. He listens to me, why didn't you tell me? I could have told him not to do it. He would have listened. He would have listened," he yelled. He did not stop pounding on Jiraiya._

_The bar had gone silent as the only sound that could not be heard were the angry grunts of a child. There were no sobs or outbursts accompanied by tears. Dried blood, dampened with sweat made, its way onto Jiraiya's clothes as he wrapped strong arms around Kakashi and picked him up._

"_Put me down!" yelled Kakashi kicking at the man who held him tightly._

"_Minato, come with me. You'll need to keep an eye on him for a bit," said Jiraiya softly._

_They ran toward the house, Kakashi yelling all the while. In the ten minutes it took the drunken Jounin and his student to run, Kakashi had informed them that he hated Jiraiya, his mother and grandparents, and that Minato-whoever he was, was not going in the house to see his father like that. Jiraiya would later shamefully admit that he could not transport himself there as he had exhausted his chakra earlier and was too drunk to use the Jutsu._

_When they reached the house, Kakashi was securely handed to the blond._

"_Put me down you asshole!" he yelled, kicking and punching where he could._

_The blond only held him tighter and sat down on the front steps and let the boy carry out his tirade. It took a while for Kakashi to run out of steam. Had he not been so tired, it would have continued. There was too much stress in the Hatake house over the past few weeks and it got worse as each day went by. Today, however, had been the best day since Sakumo's mission, even if Kakashi knew that his father still wasn't happy. It had been a false sense of security. He hoped that his father would be back on top of things, but he knew, somehow, that he would not be._

_Kakashi tried to spend as much of the morning, afternoon, and evening with his father as allowed. As much as Sakumo allowed. At times, he would exit the room, leaving Kakashi and Pakkun to stare at the space he once occupied. When he came back in, he always did, Kakashi was there to hug him and Pakkun was there to wag his tail. _

_Sakumo had told Kakashi to go to bed and the boy refused. He begged his father to let him fall asleep on the tamati mats next to him while he wrote some letters and Sakumo allowed it. It was only after he picked Kakashi up and tucked him in his bed that he would sigh and watch his son sleep for a little longer. For the last time._

_Sakumo walked over to his son and placed a note on the stand next to his bed. He turned to leave the room, knowing that he could not touch his Kakashi, least he fall apart in front of him- as if he had not already. He could not wait another day. He asked Pakkun to stay with Kakashi for a while longer and the pug agreed. He knew what was going to happen and he knew there was nothing he could do, least Sakumo become desperate and try to take Pakkun out. Twenty minutes into his sleep, Kakashi woke to his dark room. He ran through the house to find his father and called for him all the while. Pakkun stayed in the room until Kakashi's calls came to an end. His mother was not yet home as she had been at a friend's house for dinner that evening. His grandparents were off visiting some old friends- they had to get away from the house as well. But not Kakashi- he needed to stay with Sakumo._

_And now, as they sat on the front steps to the house, Pakkun needed to stay with Kakashi again. He wanted to stay. _

_The boy, a bit small for his age, ran out of steam, and Pakkun joined them and sat on Kakashi's lap, who stayed still with Minato and rested his head the crook of the teenagers shoulder and cried. It had been the unknown blonde's blue eyes that told him that it was okay to cry, it was okay to yell, kick, and scream. It was him speaking to Kakashi to let him know that it was okay to be mad, embarrassed, and ashamed- and that none of the latter was necessary because sometimes even the greatest men get tired. _

_Two gray wolves walked out from the house and sat on either side of Minato and placed their heads in his and Kakashi's lap. Pakkun looked up at Kakashi, put his paws on his chest, and licked what tears he could reach from Kakashi's chin until he fell asleep as Minato seemed to rock him_

Now, once again, Pakkun sat next to Kakashi, in silence again and wondered if he should sit on his master's lap as he had done so long ago. There were no tears to lick away- that would just be awkward now. He settled for burying his head into Kakashi's outstretched hand. There was no yelling, kicking, or punching to hide from. There was a man who Pakkun had grown up with who faced things that went beyond his past but still confronted the issues of life and all that it has in store.

In all ways, these issues confronted love. A love for life and the human condition, the love for one's village and his duty to it, no matter what the cost. The love of a woman whom he was not even sure loved him back, repeated in Kakashi's mind as he craved to be inside her again.

A former love for solitude and the comfort it brought him over the years which had turned into a dangerous isolation reminded him of the fact that he had to let Sakura go. But there were still other reasons he had to let her go.

_The human condition. This is my human condition. If I tell myself these things, then I have admitted them to myself. Admittance, one cannot run away from that. In admittance, I find acceptance. _

_Two-hundred-thirty-two. All of them necessary losses to promise security and safety._

_Two-hundred-thirty-two. All of them linked together._

_Two-hundred-thirty-two. A massive web of connectedness throughout this country and beyond._

_Two-hundred-thirty-two. They could have ended it for so many others._

_Two-hundred-thirty-two. Possibly one more._

_Two-hundred-thirty-two. She cannot love me after this._

_Two-hundred-thirty-three? A nine year old boy._

_Two-hundred-thirty-three. Could she love me after that?_

_I need her but it has to stop._

_If she loves me, it would be easy to tell her that what I said was out of drunkenness- but that would be my greatest lie of all._

Kakashi rose from the field and decided that he needed to go in to the house for once and all. He had put it off last night and had managed to put it off by sitting in the field. He hoped that sitting there would clear his mind but it had only served jumble his thoughts even further.

He could not run away from his thoughts- that he knew.

He could not get Sakura out of his mind and he needed her not to be there. He thought for a second, on his walk back, that he was angry because the woman would not leave his mind alone but he quickly saw through the absurdity of his logic. It was a matter that was so far from Sakura that would keep Kakashi away from her. And that particular matter plagued his walk toward the house but he forced it to the back of his mind again today, as Iwate Aito ran through his mind instead.

Brushing his hands over the top of the wheat before stepping to a cleared section of land, he sighed as the pit of guilt and dead butterflies rose in his stomach. He thought, for a second in distractedness that he had been invaded by cockroaches rather than something as graceful as a butterfly.

Cockroaches were disgusting and meant to make you cringe. What other purpose did they have? Mating? Survival as one of the Earths most disgusting creatures? Did they have some point to prove to the rest of the world that human kind would never be strong enough to make?

Kakashi thought they did and the answer to his questions was perseverance.

He thought further and concluded that perseverance had once been a good, clean word. But now, it was tainted not by thought of an actual cockroach but by the nervous anxiety that invaded his senses. It made him sick and alert when he tried to sleep. It made him shake when he woke up and his daily thoughts were plagued with and by it. Anxiety was threatening to wipe him out as his once strict notion that one should persevere, caught the last train out of town.

Picking his head up, he saw that he stood just before the house. There was no going back now. The only way he would feel any worse was if he threw up right then and there. And he did as his system of logic and strict compartmentalization broke down. But it was not anxiety that had caused him to throw up…it was the source of said feelings. When he closed his eyes and lurched forward just before the back porch, Iwate Aito clouded his vision.

He bent over, hands on his knees and lurched again. Any contents in his stomach were emptied onto the hard ground that had once been covered by beautiful flowers.

Laughing slightly, Kakashi stared at the irony of the situation. Everything beautiful seemed to be gone and lost to him. Everything that had once been and everything that threatened to be. Once. It had all been once in his life and now, he threw up on it as a final goodbye. He was over taken by his emotions and thought it rather fitting that in his current state he vomit on what had once been…perfect. Again, he could not help but laugh at the situation.

"You know," began Pakkun, who had followed him back, "the only time you laugh when you throw up is when you're too drunk to care that you're throwing up and for some disgusting reason, to you and Genma, it's funny. And I know you're not drunk," he said scowling. "I'm beginning to think that you should become an alcoholic instead of some self loathing asshole. You used to laugh. You used to smile- even if it was only ever a visible crease in your eye. And you used to talk to me about things. Spill it- it's not an invitation to throw up again so don't even think about it."

Kakashi was stunned to hear Pakkun speak to him this way. Turning to Pakkun, he spoke for the first time today with the pug.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't excuse me," huffed Pakkun. "We are not going through this again."

"Wow."

"Tell me that's not all you have to say. You know what I'm talking about so don't make me bite it out of you. I haven't done that in years and I'm not about to do it today."

"Pakkun, you bastard," said Kakashi, though he was not shocked by the blunt statements.

"I want to hear what's going on in more than four syllables. Does this have anything to do with that boy?"

"Of course it does, Pakkun," said Kakashi counting syllables.

_And so many other things._

"I see you're on the defense- smartass."

"Let me guess, it's time to mate and you're grumpy because your-" said Kakashi crossing his arms.

"Knock it off," he warned Kakashi. "May I inform you because I see that you are clearly unwilling to discuss it with me at this time that you need to watch yourself around Tsunade and Ibiki?"

Kakashi blinked and stared back at the dog, anger visible in his eye.

"I'm light-years ahead of you, though I appreciate your concern."

Kakashi scoffed and turned to walk in the house, leaving Pakkun to go back from whence he came or wherever he intended to go. He did not, however, count on the fact that Pakkun would show up before the very woman whom he had been thinking about all morning.

He stalked into the house not caring to take to notice of his surroundings. It didn't matter. Kakashi knew that there was a difference between sight and seeing. His vision took in the sight of the house, its hallways, and rooms he walked through, but he did not stop to take them in and complete his vision with thoughts. There was no need. There was no room in his mind to do so at this time.

He mulled around the kitchen for a bit and next, went on the search for his bed but did not find it but found a suitable room and bathroom instead. Slamming his bag to the floor, he commenced a rough search for a toothbrush and toothpaste. He stood at the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. He was disgusted with himself. Turning on the water, he let it run and was thankful that the source was a well, as he didn't need to worry about having the water turned on. He then angrily scoffed at the idea of later having to go have the power turned on.

After wetting his toothbrush and hastily slopping toothpaste on it, he turned away from the sink and the mirror and commenced brushing his teeth furiously. He turned to spit once, twice, then three times, each time turning away from the mirror. He leaned on the counter and continued the assault on his mouth.

He turned finally to rinse his mouth, satisfied with the minty freshness and looked back up at the mirror. As superstition held no value to him in his anger, he shattered the mirror with one swift blow and exhaled. Only after the mirror's pieces littered the sink and counter did he hear her voice.

"Hello? Kakashi?"

The voice and its owner made its way to the room and stood before him.

"What the fuck?" she gasped.

Kakashi felt guilty as he saw the mixed look of anxiety and sadness playing in her eyes. He felt he had no right to cause her to feel those things but looking at her made him second guess his every thought he had earlier in the day. He could feel the anxiety rise in his own stomach as he wanted to yell at himself in front of her….for being such an idiot. How could he think that it was just going to happen? It would be fine to look at her and not feel anything.

Normally, he compartmentalized his emotions so well but he was finding it hard to reason with himself with her standing before him.

"What is going on, you're covered in mud?" she asked quietly.

He sighed heavily. "Playing with the dogs."

"And the mirror?"

"Just a bad morning I suppose," he said trying to hide the shakiness in his voice. In an attempt to for a full sentence, he continued with a roundabout answer. "I was brushing my teeth and my good looks were too much for the mirror."

"Mmm," she mused. "Just like the men's locker room? And it's 12:15 by the way. Your bad morning needs to come to a close."

"Well, I'll chock it up to being a bad day," he said sarcastically.

"Aren't we in rare form?" she said playfully.

Sakura wanted to get him out of this funk Pakkun had warned her about. So far so iffy.

"Bastard found you?" he said questioningly. "I mean, that bastard dog found you?"

Kakashi was not amused and felt quite on edge talking to her.

_Really, it's just better if I keep my mouth shut around her- I might lie or tell her the truth. I opt for neither._

Sakura could see the beginnings of a funk that Kakashi had not greeted her with but was well on his way to extending toward her.

"Yes, and he told me you might say something like that."

"Mmm," was his reply.

"Mmm," she answered back.

His responses were unexpected after the sweet gesture of him sticking his tongue out at her. They did, however, remind her of a man that had at one time been much less inviting toward her. It had taken her a long time to break him from the sensei mold and role and to get him to open up to her. Rather, it had taken years and now, they seemed to be back at square one, as if he had never gotten into bed and held her this morning, much less ever considered her as anything other than that annoying former student.

"What?" he asked somewhat defensively.

Sakura stepped toward him.

"You need to think better thoughts. Happy thoughts," she said casually.

She would not play his game and she had a pretty good idea of where he was going.

He scoffed. "Never Never Land is a long way off Sakura."

"Is it?" she asked as she reached toward him.

She removed his hitai-ate. It was always one of the first things to go. One deeply grayed eye looked at her but soon he was looking at her with mismatched eyes that looked so right together, trying to pin point her intentions. She pulled the mask down, surprised that he had allowed her that much. Perhaps there was a chance he would still be open with her but even he could not answer that. She had ruined his iron will by merely standing across from him. Tracing the stitches still in his face she pulled at him to sit on the toilet and was met with resistance but it was not enough.

_At least I can touch him…still not sure about the Ibiki thing._

"I'm going to take your stitches out," she said tugging harder at his shirt to make him sit.

"Thanks," he said dryly.

Kneeling before him, she wedged his legs apart at the knees and settled before him and Kakashi thought there were other things she could do while she was down there. But that was off limits, not that he'd be so brash as to ask…for now.

_I need a good drunk night out and the non-comfort of relief. Wait, I thought I swore off drinking…nope. _

Setting about her task, Sakura tried to think of a nonchalant way to ask him what was wrong or what he was thinking without being too confrontational- but nothing came to mind. While wiping his face with alcohol swabs, she contemplated the progress he had made upon seeing him but found him to be in the Hatake Dark Ages. Though she could feel his irritation, she knew it was not directed at her and couldn't help but think it all the same. She blew at the wet alcohol dabs and Kakashi let out a troubled sigh.

_Just sigh you jerk because it feels so good you can hardly stand it. Oh god and she smells so good. Intoxicating. Drink it in from far away._

"You know what," she began. "Just take a shower and then I'll do this," she instructed. "I want this mud gone and I don't want to wear it…you need to relax too."

He sighed again and she took notice that most of his responses or reactions were going to be sighs.

She turned on her heels to eye him. Raising an eyebrow, she weakly smiled at him.

"Alrighty, I'll be waiting out here. You've got some stuff in boxes that Naruto and I brought over here last year. Towels and stuff- I'll go get 'em."

"Mm," he responded, shifting.

While Kakashi showered with what remaining soap and shampoo he had in his bag, Sakura took a quick little tour of the house, towels in hand.

_I didn't look at anything last time I was here…man, does this place have potential. What the hell is going to do with all this space? I wonder if he'll even stay here. Ooo, what's down this hallway?_

Sakura rounded a corner into a dark hallway, not minding that she had been wandering for about ten minutes. All of the doors were shut but there was light coming through one at the end and apparently there was a design on the delicate rice paper. Walking closer, she noticed that the rest of the doors in the house were wooden, except for this one. The warm glow filtering through the paper was enticing and she had to know what was in there, as well as what the design was. It was asymmetrical but eye catching from afar.

She walked down the hall but as she came closer, she started to make out the "design" on the door. She stopped and looked down at the door to inspect the mark. She saw a child's hand print and concluded it was too light to be an ink finger painting. Sakura wondered momentarily if it was a child's messy finger painting but it held so much gesture that she had to know what lay beyond it.

Immediately she slid the door to the side and walked into the room to take in the sight before her and slid the door shut again. A library of book lined shelves were covered in what could only be decades of dust. She walked further into the room, looking behind her at the footprints she left.

Standing now, before a desk, Sakura could tell that once, this was a respected room in the house but the screen door lead her to believe that it was accessible to all who wanted or needed to enter.

And it had been.

The room itself was private and orderly but more so open than the other rooms she had peered into. It seemed to be a sanctuary of knowledge as she peered at the titles that lined the shelves that her eyes could reach. Scrolls and books concerning war tactics and strategy were neatly ordered among several shelves. She perused the titles further and noted the plethora of subjects.

Looking down at the floor, she noticed the floor was devoid of any rugs or sitting area. In some spots, the wood was duller than the rest, even under the dust. She could see scrape marks as if it had been scrubbed profusely.

Sakura turned back to the door again and felt lost in time. This room seemed to call to her as she felt an overwhelming presence of mixed emotions: seriousness, pain, loss, joy, and peace all at once. Standing with her eyes shut for a moment, she tried to recall a time when she was in one room or place that allowed all of the emotions she was currently feeling to wash over her at once. It was a rare place indeed that did that to her and to anyone really. In a moment of curiosity, she had to figure out what the handprint lent to feeling of the room.

She stooped and eventually came to a crouching position and eventually knelt before the door, all the while looking at the small testament of time on the screen. It was brown and she could not figure out why. But something invaded her mixed moment as she felt a wave of anxiety drifting toward her rather quickly.

Kakashi could see her profile at the end of the long hallway and made his way quickly toward the door.

The door was slammed to its side as Sakura's head flew up.

Standing before her, clad only in towel and taking in the sight of her blatant invasion, a look of terror spread across his face. She shot up right and backed away from him, dropping the towels she still held. He did not cross the threshold.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just the light was so beautiful coming from here. I-" she stopped, noticing his ragged breaths and wide eyed expression.

In his un-paced breathing, Kakashi noticed one thing. The literal movement of his anxiety. Where it had once sat, burning a pit in his stomach, it now rose to a new height and expanded to consume his chest. It did not tingle; it did not burn but metamorphosed into anger.

She backed up further into a desk and hit something with her hand as she braced on impact. A tanto, she had not noticed began to fall. Kakashi tore his eyes from Sakura to watch it nightmarishly fall from its place of rest and collide with the floor, causing Sakura to jump. When it hit the floor, Kakashi reached an apex of rage.

Sakura really had no clue that no one had opened that door in twenty-something years, let alone walk down that hallway or touch the short blade sword. She also had no clue that the last person's presence to grace the lonely room had been that of Kakashi himself, as he placed the weapon on the desk at a young age and very aware of his task.

She watched the struggle play across his features as tension seemed to pump through his entire body. Sakura stood still, very still, as her own breaths hid from her. At first, his fingers moved rapidly at his side as his arms began to tense and eventually his hands formed fists. He was not ready to enter this room and seeing it was a shock.

She did not belong in this room and for a minute he wanted to grab her and hurl her down the hallway but he still had some of his senses intact. Finally crossing the threshold, he walked quickly to her and stopped halfway. He looked down to his own feet and his body was racked with greater tension. He was on the verge of finding either the greatest peace he had ever know through anger because feeling so mixed was possible or a rage he had been desperately trying to avoid. Such is the twisted beauty and paradoxical nature of the human mind. Finding the latter and feeling as if he couldn't bear the fact that he was standing in the room, he looked at the worn and scrubbed spots on the floor and seemed to growl through gritted teeth. He walked around the patches toward Sakura in her frozen state and with lightning speed snatched Sakura from her temporary retreat and threw her over his shoulder and grabbed the slipping towel with the other hand.

He carried her down the hallway as she remained silent until they reached the entry way.

"What are you doing?" she questioned him but it came out more like an interrogative demand for information.

Kakashi threw the door open and whipped her over his shoulder, causing her to land roughly on her feet. When she recovered, Sakura noticed that he was already slamming the sliding door shut. She could also hear his heavily laden retreat into the house along with a rather long and loud string of beyond-expletive words and sayings she would not dare repeat despite some things that came from her own dirty mouth.

As he walked down the hall, Kakashi knew that he had reached a boiling point and his anxiety had turned into rage. He knew then through his loss of control that his greatest lie needed to become a reality. He also needed to be away from Sakura and more importantly there were people she needed to be kept away from because of him. But for now, he was to remain silent until things unfolded as they needed to.

* * *

Tsunade sat in her office all night and into the late morning. She franticly flipped through pages and pages, file, after file to find what she was after. She read every single word on every single page. Still nothing. Kakashi's secrets evaded her as she read through the files but met her head on in his journal. He had in fact seemingly smacked her in the face time and time again.

She could tell that on the professional level or even standing in a room with him that Kakashi emitted no information about himself, other than the fact that he was a constant reader, sighed often, apologized in the past for his students- a lot, and only spoke when he had thorough information and it was required of him as deemed by the situation. It was usually information he usually had and asked questions when needed. Tsunade also concluded that she had only seen glimpses of him in her past encounters as she assigned him to lawn care duties at the Hokage estate while she sat there enjoying the fruits of his slave labor.

And then, she found it. Finally, the single folder in a stack of hundreds. It called out to her the moment she saw it and she half expected some grand ethereal light to shine forth from above but none came. Some god was staring down at her, laughing. Berating herself harshly, she blushed in the privacy of her office as a red folder stared her in the face. On the cover of the folder, were the printed letters _DNR_. Do Not Release. Surely the Hokage had access and sure enough, she would find what she needed.

With careful hands and a childish glint of happiness and relief in her eye, she picked the folder up and brought it closer to her and situated it before her. With one careful finger and one expertly manicured nail, she made contact with one of the files opening edges. What should have been nothing but the flip of the files cover, however, turned into an epic battle of will.

Tsunade tugged at the file's cover but it did not open unto her. Baffled, she laughed.

_Is this a fucking joke? Who did this?_

She applied a Jutsu, thinking the cover was sealed shut. Upon trying to open it again, she found that the Jutsu was useless. She grabbed at what she could and with monstrous strength tried to pry it open.

Letter opener, nail file, emery board, paperclip, kunai, tanto- nothing worked. Grabbing a book of matches in a fit of rage, from some random place in her middle desk drawer, Tsunade tried to light the file on fire. When flame met folder something very unexpected happened.

A small aquatic orb laced with white light began to spin on the files cover that had not previously been there. As it spun, the orb seemed to pick up and float away from the page. It spun beautifully as Tsunade was amazed with its symmetry and lazy rotation. It rose to eye level with her and began to spin faster. She could not look away as it drew her into a dream and slowed to resume its lazy pace. She watched the orb even closer as something seemed to pull away. The small rope like section began to resemble something she had seen before but could not quite locate its full image. The aquatic orb parted from itself even more and eventually revealed its form.

"A dragon?" whispered Tsunade.

She had seen this tiny dragon once before, twenty some odd years ago before her self-exile from Konoha.

"_Is there anything you would like to tell me?" she asked hoping for an answer. After thirty minutes with the boy, she had not heard a single word or noise from him._

"_No," sighed an unmasked, silver haired boy. "You've already asked me that."_

"_You do talk! Have you eaten recently?" asked Tsunade sweetly._

"_Hmpf. Do you really think I'd starve myself on purpose? Are we done yet, my mother is waiting for me."_

"_Well, you don't have to be such a brat about it," she thought. Tsunade was not about to snap at the boy after the mission he had been on. _

_His teammates informed her and the medical staff that tried to treat him that he had returned to them, naked and threw up at their feet._

"_Well," she began, "perhaps while we wait for the last test result you can show me some of your skills or something new you've learned. I hear you're quite good for your age."_

"_I'm better than good for my age," he informed her. Bowing his head, he apologized. "Forgive me, Tsunade-sama, it was a long mission but that's still not an excuse," he whispered._

"_I've heard," she whispered back lowering herself to his eye level where he sat on the exam table. "Show me something new."_

"_I'm still working on it. It's small but I think someday, it'll be big."_

_Kakashi sat and slowly formed thirty-two hand seals and produced a small aquatic dragon that zoomed toward Tsunade. She jumped out of the way before it flew to the other side of the hospital exam room and hit the wall. The small amount of water it contained ran down the wall and Kakashi laughed._

"_Oh man," he giggled. "It still sucks but I hit Shiranui Genma in the face with it the other day and he went home crying to his mother."_

As Tsunade's thought ended, she saw the same dragon before her and smiled before it too zoomed at her at a lightning speed. It collided with her face- her left eye to be exact and soaked her down the front.

A deep voice laughed at her from the doorway.

"You know," began Ibiki before laughing again. "Hatake last sealed that folder just over two years ago and the only reason I know that was because he requested the use of a safe room at HQ to carry out the process…the morning he left. It was one of the reasons he was late in departing. He's never late for an ANBU mission and I'm assuming he brought it back to his house. You should have seen the timing on the seals he used to get the rotation and formation down. Talk about intricate. I couldn't reproduce that if I tried- assuming I could manipulate water."

"Oh?" asked Tsunade heatedly.

"And what's even stranger is the white light. You have to be able to manipulate lightning as well to get that part of it down. Incredible- the combination. Now, read the cover of the folder."

Tsunade looked down at the red folder that had taunted her so menacingly. Instead of seeing _DNR_, she read aloud a question written in a rather messy chicken scratch form. "_What's black and white and red all over?" _She paused. "What the fuck? Did he write that too?"

"Yeap," said Ibiki. "And you've got to know the answer to open the file. Incredible isn't it? You could try but I've been trying for quite some time…well, since we found it."

"That bastard," she spat. "How in the hell are we supposed to open it?"

"We're not. We can try. But I doubt that will ever happen. He told me once that there might be one other person alive who can answer that question other than himself."

"I have been up all night and all morning reading through this shit. I am in no mood for games."

"It's not a game," state Ibiki. "There's a lot of a shit in that file. Things you and I will never know. When Kakashi dies, the file will open."

"Oh?" asked Tsunade. "Then who created this abomination? It's mocking me. It's red and none of the files are. I would think whoever started it would want it to remain inconspicuous." She paused as a mischievous grin spread across her face. "Can we kill him, let the file open, and then resuscitate him?"

Silence graced the office.

"Just kidding," she said.

"Moving right along. It is inconspicuous in its own way. Do you have any guesses as to who created it?"

"Sarutobi?"

"Nope," he shrugged.

"Minato?" she asked wide eyed.

"He is one of the three parties involved."

"Three? Three? Are the other two living? Well, I assume Hatake is one of them…so we have one dead, one alive. Who's the other?" she asked slamming her hands on the desk.

"Tsunade-sama, I am not here to anger you. I must, however, ask you one thing: in the past several years with you acting as Hokage, have you ever come across a file such as this?"

"No. Never," she boomed.

"Where did you get it?" he asked. "Our third party would not allow this out of his sight. Where exactly was it found?"

"In a box of his. Naruto found it to be exact when he moved Kakashi's belongings."

"It was sitting unguarded in a box and Uzumaki just brought it to you?" asked Ibiki stunned.

"Yes. He said he tried to open it and assumed there was a Jutsu protecting it so I tossed it in with the rest of Kakashi's files."

"Well, then, rest assured you picked the right man for this mission. If he can get this away from Danzou, then he can handle anything. I guarantee he paid a price for getting his hands on this…he's still alive."

"Oh fucking shit," she spat. "What does Hatake have to do with Danzou? Do I want to know?" Tsunade paused in her comments as questions raced through her mind. "Still alive," she stated with a blank look in her eyes. "Meaning?"

"Hokage-sama-"

"When you address me as such, I know there is nothing but bad news coming my way Ibiki."

"Yes. I'm sending Tenzo to bring Hatake in. They won't question one another. If this file was sealed over two years ago- before the start of this mission. Danzou could have made contact with him before the mission. I'll want him under arrest until we can sort this out, even if it's for his own safety."

As Ibiki stepped out of Tsunade's office, he passed Shikamaru in the hall. Neither of them said a word nor did they even glance at one another. When he reached the door, Shikamaru knocked once and entered immediately. Shutting the door behind him, he turned to see Tsunade and grinned.

"We've broken the code in his personal journal and the mission log. Each message was broken up and had a counterpart in one journal or the other. For the most part, he began with each message in his personal journal, hid a bit of it in the mission log, and then finished the message back in the personal journal."

"How long did this take?" asked Tsunade smiling back at Shikamaru.

"We worked for eight hours just to find a pattern and then through the night until well, this afternoon, to arrange the code," he said and then paused. He looked at the journal in his hand and then back to Tsunade. Light seemed to grace his eyes before he grinned again. "This is by the far the best and hardest code I have ever seen or had the pleasure of working on- well, myself and three others."

"Well, Nara, coming from you, that says a lot," she dually complimented. "What has Kakashi told us?"

"Anything he suggested yesterday was absolute bullshit and the direct opposite of what he told us in the logs- "

"Stop!" she demanded. "I might be sick."

* * *

Kakashi dressed and got himself ready for the day, lucky to still have a clean set of clothes. He walked back toward the entrance to the house and knew Sakura was still there but when he came around the corner, it was to find her standing there with someone she knew by voice alone to be Yamato.

"Tenzo," said Kakashi smiling. He held his hands together at the wrist before him.

"Senpai, if you would remove your weapons. I'm sorry but, I have to take you in."

"Understood. One thing at a time right," stated Kakashi. "I see things are beginning to work out."

Sakura had no idea what Kakashi was talking about nor why he had called Yamato, Tenzo.

"We might want to take Sakura with us. I'm not suggesting you arrest her but she should accompany us; I've already acted foolishly," he informed his former team mates and stripping himself of anything deadly- not discounting the fact that his bodily abilities still were. "And please, could we forego the chakra-blocking injection. They make me sick and I won't put up a fight."

"I do not wish to put restraints on you," said Tenzo flatly.

Kakashi crossed over toward he and Sakura were standing.

"I suggest you restrain me," he whispered. "We are not alone here."

* * *

_**

* * *

Author's Note:**__ Is that a cliff? I dunno. Angst, sorry but it will make love all the better. We'll get to good shit all in good time. I once again, thank all of those who read this and stick with me. I write this story chapter by chapter and make it up as I go, staring at the blank page. What's an outline. I don't know how it will end until even I get there. So, we're in this together._

_Thanks for sticking this chapter out. The good stuff is yet to come. If you're looking for immediate smut, I'm sorry, but it's on its way in it's own damn time and I'll try to make yummy. I'm working on a drabble with bunches of smut, my last one had a bit. Oh damn, I just shamelessly plugged my shit. Aww snap. Or read some of ShipperTrish goodness. She's wonderful._

_Patience is a virtue…and virtue comes with vice. Alright, seven will be on the way. This is all I have going on right now. School and finals are done….and my child- my cat just died Monday. Neal was 5 and lived 5 awesome years and brought joy to tons of people. I've had to deal with myself and crying friends and family. Believe me when I say this cat was incredible. It's Friday so enjoy the weekend. Please bear with me and grin as I'm trying to. Let me know whatcha think. And of course, Happy Holidays and whatnot._

* * *


	7. FiftyOne

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto or any of its characters. Masashi Kishimoto, however, does. I bow to him for allowing us all to borrow his characters, villages, weather, sayings, and all hoopty-la.

A/N:

First: thank you to **PorkChop'sLittleDitty** for being a most wonderful beta and an expert in the ways of Naruto. And thank you to all of you who have reviewed, alerted, and added. This story is **far** from over and it feels like the true beginning of the story.

I started to hate this story by the twelfth time I started ch. 7 but there turned out to be 24 versions of it in the folder and I believe I've come to a rest with this chapter so here it is. I'm just glad this is the only version of it I completed and PorkChop beta-ed.

I use the word _ennui_ in this chapter once and I do so in the way that Charles Baudelaire used it in my favorite poem of all time in his Fleurs Du Mal (Flowers of Evil) collection: Au Lecteur (To the Reader). He uses the word to mean: a loss of self.

I also use "10 Code" in this chapter. It creeps me out and I grew up hearing it in my house all the time. It should be decently defined within the sentence as to what the code is. Any questions, give a holler.

The sweetness here is for you all b/c I cannot deliver everything I wanted to at this point..but mostly for ShipperTrish. It just doesn't fit for the characters yet…so all proclamations and actions here are for you. And to ronxnroll, yes, I'm afraid our beloved character is a bit messed up so Tsunade's message is for you. Once again, thank you for your wonderful patience as I continue this mess I've gotten into. It keeps me going b/c ch 7 was a BITCH!

walks away mumbling obscenities, throwing hands in the air in search of nicotine and caffeine.

** Post -post author note:**

I have recieved some reviews and some people seem confused. Don't worry, Kakashi is stil confused and we can't know it all yet b/c he doesn't. This story has started choppy but each chapter has progressed as I've been working at my writing skills and Kakashi has been trying to understand what's going on...it's progressing as he's progressed. There are holes and obscure things written but that's because it's obscure for Kakashi, Sakura, Tsunade, Ibiki, Genma...anyone really. If you're confused about Iwate Aito...check back to ch 4 where we get the 1st nightmare and ch 6 where Kakashi goes over his anxiety. Don't worry about the herbs yet, Sakura's working on it. It's been fun, these reviews and seeing people confused with this chapter. Consider yourselves possibly as out of the loop as Sakura- no, you actually have a little more info than she does. I can tell you that there is something to be said about being isolated for some time and if you've ever experienced it as I have then you'll know or understand that learning how to communicate again is quite the challenge, no matter how you've been isolated. There is usually little tolerance for those to come back around to being who they used to be or some form thereof because they often emerge with a new sense of direction and a new set of goals...like they're ready for life and need a jump start getting there. As above, this story is far from over. Thank you for your time. ; )

* * *

**Fifty-One**

When the sun rose in Konoha, it was the first house to be graced by its rays of soaking morning light. When the sun set in Konoha, it was the first house to be deprived of the sun that fed it warmth all day; even in the winter months. Having been the house on the hill in outer Konoha, it seemed to be a first and last defense of the city and in desperate times and it had been. The Hatake house had been many things to many people; a place of fond and bitterly sad memories, as well as having seen parties and nearly all forms of shinobi and life. It's once perfect gardens held the scattered ashes of those that lived there and in time, it's eventually revived gardens would hold the ashes of its last member to ever have claimed the house to be his home.

But for today and during much of Kakashi's life, the Hatake house was to remain no more as its own ashes graced demolished gardens.

* * *

For the second time that day, Sakura found herself being shoved from the house but not just by Kakashi, but Tenzo as well. 

"Sakura, please go ahead and notify Tsunade that we will be there shortly," ordered Kakashi.

"Why?" she snapped. "I can help."

"Just go," he demanded.

"Fine, fine, I'm gone. You owe me an explanation later."

"I know," he answered with a near dismissive waive of his hand.

As she walked from the house and began her descent down the hill, Sakura heard Kakashi and Tenzo yelling at one another and then it began; an initial boom followed by the splintering of wood. Turning and running toward the house, Sakura could see debris flying in different directions as Kakashi and Tenzo stood out front. When she reached them she saw that Tenzo had completed a set of hand seals from where he was lying on the ground.

He turned to see Sakura and shouted again, "Mokuton, Mokojou Heki!" as a wooden locking wall sheltered her from a second blast.

Stumbling backwards from a shock ripple made in the earth, she tripped but maintained her balance in the end. Tempted to peer around the large structure before her, she luckily waited before noticing the blast did not sound final but rather it echoed away as the Mangekyou Sharingan absorbed much of it. Finally, with the feeling that there would not be another blast, Sakura looked around the structure only to find Kakashi chasing after five figures in the distance.

"Get Tenzo to the hospital," he shouted before finally speeding after the group ahead of him.

* * *

The hospital halls had fallen silent in Konoha, silent at least to the rest of the world but behind the doors of emergency rooms, monitors beeped and wailed while doctors and nurses yelled at one another. The aftermath of what many of the doctors and nurses could see as black smoke from break room windows was now lying in their care. Seemingly dead to what was going on around him except from the pain he was feeling, Tenzo tried to lift his arms, only to find he was being restrained by a team of nurses. 

Only half of the blast had been contained and only half of it had reached it's intended target and two counterparts but the target was not at the hospital. Tenzo and Sakura, however were.

"Ka-" he tried to speak.

"Hush up dear, he's not here but Sakura brought you in. You did your job now let us do ours. Just keep still as best you can. We can't put you under yet. Okay?" she soothed him in notorious hospital speech. "We need you to stay with us," she finished leaning over him and wiping away blood that threatened to drain into his eyes.

Five minutes of pre-panic at the hospital had meant several minutes of post-panic and now continuing curiosity throughout the rest of Konoha. There were five minutes of too much blood loss and five minutes of too many burn injuries sustained over large percentages of Tenzo's body. But the risk of infection caused by burns of varying degrees was of little or no concern to the medical staff; that would be the easy fix. It was piecing back bits of torn intestine and removing all of the debris that would be the hard part.

"I need AB blood," called out Tsunade. "And enough for a total transfusion, there was something in the explosive that's causing the most harm," she said as she went back to work poking at the man. "Damn you, hurry up and get me more needles. No, no, no. Not those," she barked further, confusing Tenzo as to how much damage he has sustained. "You, take this to the lab and test it. I want whatever it is we need to flush his system out now when the test comes back."

Down the hall, Sakura sat in between Ino and Hinata, while Naruto sat before her on the floor. She was lucky to see her friends there as Ino had taken to teaching the new Genin some basic medical Jutsu and giving them a tour of the facilities and Hinata had a weekly checkup for the baby.

"Sakura," began Ino. "Are you okay?"

Having received a glare from Sakura, Ino decided to shut up and stop asking questions.

"It's splinters, Pig. Yamato/Tenzo…whoever he is, put up a wall between the blast and myself." Naruto who sat before her placed a hand on her knee. "I'm just nervous and damn you, don't touch me right now," she snapped before apologizing.

"I understand," he said as bright blue eyes looked directly back at her. "Can I ask if you hit your head though?"

"Are you really asking me what my problem is right now?"

"I guess," shrugged the blonde. He figured there was nothing for Sakura to do right now- surely she should know that Tsunade wouldn't let anything go wrong in the emergency room.

"I'll tell you what my problem is," began Sakura looking at Naruto. "My problem is that Tenzo and I are here. Kakashi is not. You dragged us both here after not having fully accessed the situation when you arrived, Naruto and he could be dead. Now that I'm here, Tsunade orders me to stay put."

"Do I have to hog tie you Sakura-chan?" he asked.

"Don't even try to make me smile right now buddy because if this goes as badly as I'm feeling, I'll know Kakashi and I did not part on good terms. Got it?" she said with all the warning in her voice and in her eyes she meant to convey.

"Shut the god damned door!" boomed Tsunade from inside the room, as a man's yells flew through the hall. "And where the hell is Hatake?" she yelled to Ibiki who sat at a control desk further down the hall.

"Status on subject? Over," rang his voice through the radio.

"Subject is MIA. Over," said Genma.

Sitting and listening with intent ears, Ibiki heard an uncommon interruption. "10-30 we have unauthorized use on the frequency. 10-33 all units stand by. Unit eight frequency search. Over."

"10-4," rang in the responses.

"10-12 Rookie Green," said Genma's next communication. "Do you copy?"

"Copy Senbon. Rookie Green closing in and waiting," answered Lee.

"Base to Rookie Green. I need a 10-13 on the blast site," said Ibiki firmly.

"It's demolished. No remains or chakra signatures. Over."

The radios were silent again as Sakura strained her ears to listen once she heard no one had been found. Nearly absentmindedly, she rose from her seat and pushed past Naruto and walked toward Ibiki. Reaching him, she leaned on the desk to listen as Ino, Hinata, and Naruto made their way down the hall to keep an eye on her.

"Where is he?" she asked.

"We've got teams out looking for him," responded Ibiki seriously.

"I won't bother you, I just want to listen," she said quietly.

"Understandable. Here, have a seat," he said, trying to make her feel somewhat better.

"Units five and nine 10-20 advise to location," shouted Genma. "Subject spotted. 10-63 prepare to copy. Over."

Taking in every communication and code, Sakura sat utterly still as to not disturb Ibiki.

"Copy that. 10-12 base to standby."

And as Ibiki was ready to receive the information, none came. There was no response, only silence mixed with the static of a 10-33 frequency violation and Genma's heavy breathing. Someone was using or listening to the frequency that should not have been.

Having left his transmitter on, Genma stood in a clearing in the woods on the Hatake property looking at the scene before him. Blood spattered the ground as five shinobi circled Kakashi who stood panting, bent at the waist supporting his weight with a hand on his thigh. Blood dripped from various parts of his body but he was ready to put up a fight.

"10-23 we see him. 10-10 fight in progress," whispered Genma. "10-3, assume radio silence."

"Bring him in!" shouted one of the shinobi through the trees. The voice transmitted through Genma's radio and back to Ibiki. He recognized the voice but knew it's owner was not sent in the recovery group.

Watching as his teammate and friend nearly fell to the ground, Genma wondered, what assigned ANBU group had made it before he and his group had. There was no way they could have made it faster than his group, unless they were already trailing Kakashi. But as they approached Kakashi, Genma saw the chakra blocking restraints and wire they held and knew that something was amiss. He watched, almost frozen as Kakashi faltered in his stance and the group closed in.

Thinking he was on his last reserves and knowing he had survived the blast and chased the five ANBU as far as he had, Kakashi was ready to take them out.

"Drop it Hatake you failed your objective."

"What objective?" he breathed heavily.

Moving in closer so the conversation could be picked up by Ibiki, Genma crouched behind a large oak tree, making sure his chakra was completely masked. He wished he could have hidden high up in the tree, however, the conversation was taking place on the ground where he would less likely blend in with the scenery.

"You don't remember?" asked the masked ANBU.

"Obviously not."

"Then why is it you found yourself waling into the Iwate Camp, alone?"

"I didn't just walk in there," scoffed Kakashi before spitting blood violently to the ground.

"Then their use of Genjutsu and ours has proved to be sufficient as well as the memory restraints and predetermined modification. But here we are, without Iwate Aito. It was supposed to be simple really. Get him and bring to the drop off location. That was all we really wanted."

"And why did he ask me if I was Kisho or Kakashi?"

"Because it was one of you that would pick him up and deliver him. Don't you remember? Did you know that we were involved with the group you were tracking? How else would Chizu have known who to go to for the sake of collecting obscure herbs that even Kabuto would never know about?"

"I'm only just beginning to understand," said Kakashi calmly. "Why do you need him?"

"That's not for you to know," spat the captain of the team. And Kakashi knew they would not tell them, at least not fully.

He had spent time looking back through his journals reading much of what he had written. Some of it, he could not understand; he could not put it together and thought that just maybe it was his torture that had caused him to forget varying amounts of time.

"But you've helped us so much and for that we are thankful. You've erased the need for us to invade upon the Iwate Camp again. All we have to do is track down Aito and I assure you, we're getting closer to him."

"He's too scared to let anyone get close," shot Kakashi.

"And we have you to thank for that. He's been traveling with some rather interesting injuries and he's undoubtedly in need of help."

"He's too smart. He'll know who to ask for help and who to stay away from."

"I suppose you had a hand in that?"

"What do you want from him?" snapped Kakashi growing tired of circling and from blood loss.

"You needn't be a residence of Konoha to control its greatest weapon," said the ANBU. "And the herbs Chizu's group has been collecting are all right here in Konoha's labs."

"And if Tsunade has everything?" asked Kakashi hoarsely.

"She doesn't have everything," sneered the man. "Aito has the capabilities to control things larger than him and the herbs will be easy to genetically engineer and re-grow on our part. You've really given us quite the perfect advantage by making Aito not trust certain aspects of Konoha. We offer him protection and the promise that he'll get his family back," spewed the leader thinking Kakashi was on his last leg. "He's young and naïve and will probably believe that we can bring them back."

Though he was growing weaker with each word, Kakashi would need to end the chase here. There was no thinking clearly and the thought of what Aito could control was not at the forefront of Kakashi's mind; the fact that the boy was alive, however, is what gave him the extra push he needed to summon up enough chakra. He was not about to fall as the information came pummeling toward him.

"Root is getting sloppy," said Kakashi as he withdrew the katana from his back.

"Yes, well, it has been a bit sloppy for some time. Danzou-sama was blinded by the fact that he thought that he could let you out all those years ago and let you live, which is why we have to take you out now."

They were going to make a move after so many years. After twenty-four years, Root was positioning themselves to take Konoha under its militaristic rule. Or rather, some faction of Root. For that, they needed something larger than one man himself and Kakashi realized he would not be able to fix it all himself.

Having waited and understanding who it was he needed to attack, Genma got ready to move in. But before he could, chakra began to spark and whistle as it ran the length of the blade Kakashi held. Lunging, he caught the ANBU traitor before him off guard, slicing him at the waist before nearly collapsing. The lunge had caused more blood to spill forth from places that held the debris of his former home.

But he was not done, as he pushed himself from the ground. Four ANBU charged at Kakashi and the blade still laced with chakra from the Chidori extended quickly to rid the area of the four breathing men as their halves fell to the ground.

They had taken too much time to react having been drunk with the thrill that they would take out one man who would stand in their way. It was too easy for the five ANBU who should have sensed their indiscretion.

They had spent the past forty-eight hours shadowing Kakashi and could easily pick up on the anxiety that radiated from his usual cool demeanor. Having learned he remembered nothing imparted to him two and a half years ago, they thought they could take him down in his confusion. It was no secret that in ANBU, Kakashi excelled at his tasks- one reason of the many he left in the first place. Surely a blow to the Copy Ninja's ego would make him waiver at least a little. But they had not banked on the fact that not too much was a surprise to Kakashi for the past year. They would not bank on the fact that perhaps self defeat had set in and that Kakashi would not be surprised if his judgment concerning anything from five months ago was askew.

At hearing the commotion and comments of the ANBU officer, Kakashi, and a whirling Chidori; Ibiki now listened to the sound of wind rushing over the radio waves as a mild wave of anxiety began the flow through him. Much of the information they had needed was given to them in a state of sure victory that sounded as if it had turned out wrong.

Ibiki now had some of the missing information from the translated codes Shikamaru had given he and Tsunade that day and Sakura understood what Kakashi meant by things coming to light. The interrogations expert also knew that Kakashi had not spoken freely about anything because somewhere in the back of his mind, something was not sitting right. Things he, himself did not know or understand. As for Sakura, she sat at the desk understanding his disposition; the second guessing of his own actions. She, herself, could not understand his coming and going from her house that morning, especially in front of her friends, but she understood some of it now. Surely he thought he might be going crazy or was that only because she could never carry out such a mission?

Sakura knew then, because she had spent years trying to gain insight into Kakashi, that the mission was the easy part for him. But had killing been easy? More than likely yes; it was something she would ask him at a later time. Iwate Aito- whoever the boy was, had not been, as something happened and she doubted he would give her the full story. And it was there in front of her for the past few days; the scars she had immediately seen in the men's locker room. The discussion of the scars that Tsunade was reserving for that afternoon. There was a great reason behind his lack of pushing the subject; he simply did not understand it himself. And Tsunade had asked him to strip down in front of his comrades; an act that Sakura would not doubt brought him shame but not for his lack of clothing but for his lack of knowing, understanding, and now, guilt. It was guilt in the smallest and most intimate sense. The kind of guilt that would wash over a person and threaten to eat them alive-thus resulting in _ennui_. A loss of self.

Looking over to Sakura, Ibiki watched her face as the gears in her busy mind began to work.

"Write it down and map it out;" he ordered her, passing her some paper and a pen. "Your use in the lab is not the only reason Tsunade-sama brought you in on the mission. I understand there is something going on between the two of you and you might be the bridge that connects Kakashi to us. Tenzo's been watching him since he's been back."

"There was something," replied Sakura.

"Just give him some time," said Ino. "He'll be itching to get back into your panties in no time. Think of this way, he's a man that's probably been sexless for two and half years. How long can he wait?"

"Ino," began Sakura seriously. "This has less. To do. With. My panties," she said squarely, each word pointed like a ninety-degree angle, "and more to do with the fact that right now, I'd like my friend back," she finished as the transmission crackled.

The wind blew again over the transmission and Ibiki was sure Genma was running toward Kakashi.

Again, anxiety struck him as the implications of what would happen in Konoha in the future. Something larger than Aito. Anxiety for Ibiki did come, forced about by the static of the radio and the creepy drone and shouts of responses. Unsure if it was anxiety that began to sicken him, Ibiki remembered overhearing Kakashi explain to his Genin students during the Chunin exams, that "It's anticipation to play the game or to fight. You'll be fine." But this, just maybe this time, it was anxiety. It was Genma's heavy breathing as he ran that sent chills down his spine.

"Senbon this is base," said Ibiki. But the message would not send. Genma had been stuck in transmission.

"10-0 all units," he finally said quietly.

"What's 10-0?" asked Naruto. "I don't remember them all."

"Use caution," said Tsunade from behind him. "Tenzo is stable. What's the status?" she said looking sternly at Ibiki.

"They've spotted Hatake and are approaching with caution. We've got a much bigger situation and several of our questions have been answered."

"10-79 we have five subjects down. 10-79 Rookie Green, this is your job today. Over," said Genma quietly.

"You four, go now," snapped Tsunade as Ino, Hinata, and Naruto looked at the speaker that just spoke 10-79, not knowing what it was code for. But five subjects down should have meant enough. "Sakura," she snapped at the woman before her who could not take her eyes from the speaker. "Sakura, I'll need your help when he comes in."

"Yes, Shishou."

As Ino walked away, she stared back at her friend, proud that she was not wavering. She knew that had it been Genma that was being brought in, there was no way she could keep a steady hand, let alone walk, or argue with her friends. But Sakura could. She was that strong and she had become so in Kakashi's absence, as if he had somehow forced her to be; even more so than the day she took up training with Tsunade to become strong for Sasuke and herself.

At hearing 10-79, Sakura had reached a peak of sickness and her insides swam. Not only was she dizzy but her head felt like it would explode from the code that was just imparted. She was fully aware of what 10-79 meant and that Kakashi was not there at the hospital with her.

She heard the words replay in her mind over and over again. "10-79. 10-79." She wasn't sure if there had truly been an echo in her mind or if she was just hearing the words that clearly after having worked in the hospital for years. That was a code no one wanted to hear.

_Notify the coroner._

"Bringing him in," said Genma hoarsely, followed by a painful laugh. "Units five and nine requested for transport. Unit six bringing subject in on the double. Room clearance demanded. Injuries sustained," he said as if carrying something heavy. "Rookie Green on guard you are granted a 10-44 from the area. Sweep it before you leave. Copy."

"Copy that Rookie Green on guard. Over," said Lee quietly.

"10-79 requested for standby at hospital," choked Genma. "Rapid decline. Over and out."

Not a message Sakura wanted to hear at the hospital indeed. As unfortunate a message it was to hear, she had been thankful every time someone was brought through the doors that wasn't Kakashi. It wasn't his voice coming over the radio. Genma had requested that a coroner be present in case Kakashi was dead on arrival. And on his end of the radio, it was looking highly likely that he would be. Shiranui Genma never panicked, something demonstrated during the Chuunin exam Sakura had participated in.

Sakura knew exactly what his voice sounded like over the radio and it was not him. It was Genma and he was beyond strained. Lee was beyond strained.

As other voices started filtering in over the frequency, Sakura thought back to her days of sitting at the desk to learn the ins and outs of the hospital and the need for quick response and dispatch. She remembered on a few occasions when she heard Kakashi transmit in and out and that his voice had been steady all the while. She remembered days when she heard Genma transmit in and out and he had been steady as well. Lee could pierce the ears of whoever was at the desk but there was none of that today.

Being directed down the hall by Tsunade- who had allowed her that much- she remembered the ridiculous kissy sound Kakashi had transmitted to her on a slow day while she filled in for a sick dispatcher.

"_Head injury coming in," he droned over the radio._

"_Copy," rang Sakura's cheery voice. "Kakashi?"_

"_Hey," he whispered_. _"It's Genma, so tell that nurse not to give him any grief. You know, the hot one with pink hair."_

"_What are you doing on the radio?"_

"_The medic at the border is trying to get Genma to sit down so I'm, uh, doing this instead. I hate these things. Gotta go. He's wandering off again."_

_Sending a rapid smooch-smooch sound that ended with "over and out," she heard a light laugh on his end that was cut off by his ending of the transmission. _

_Later that day, upon returning from lunch, Sakura found a bouquet of flowers with a note attached that read "xxoo, me." But it wasn't his scratchy handwriting she learned to love and read so well. Figuring that he had sent Pakkun to do the deed at the florists, she knew he was still quite a ways out of Konoha but would be home that night, long after Genma had arrived. Busying herself for the rest of day and she waited as the hours ticked slowly by._

Just as she would have to wait for them to tick by today. But as the doors to the hospital burst open, Sakura turned to see Genma trudging down the hall with a mass of nurses and doctors around him. Seeing a flash of blood and silver hair not in a body bag, she wondered if Kakashi could be dead and Genma unaware. Just as she was unaware that he was barely breathing. But behind the child hood friend of Kakashi, came ten other ANBU with five body bags that Sakura could see before being ushered into the room that would hold Kakashi.

* * *

Genma sat outside of the doors that lead to the emergency and trauma unit of the hospital, knees up and head covered by his arms. For a brief second, he looked over toward Lee who sat opposite of him, staring at the doors. Neither of them had opted to sit in the chairs that Naruto had brought for them nor had they opted for sitting in the waiting room of the hospital lobby. The cold sterile floor provided the two with the perfect juncture of a wall-meets-floor-body support system for any slumping and distraught shinobi. 

"I don't understand what's going on," whispered Lee.

"Nobody does right now," said Genma before a nurse rushed through the doors and the sound of confusion from the ER broke the resumed silence of the hall. They could hear Sakura barking out orders and Tsunade as well. Cringing, he spoke again, "except that five Konoha shinobi are dead, Hatake killed them, and there was too much frequency disturbance. This isn't right and doesn't even begin to explain what Kakashi and that guy were talking about."

"Can I get you guys anything?" asked Ino before Genma grabbed her legs and pulled her into his lap. He was happy to think he could hold her right now. He could hold her while his best friend was most likely trying to hang onto anything as he was sure that the worst injuries were caused by the blast and that Kakashi had only aggravated them. "Unh, Genma you're covered in blood," she said as if bothered.

"And?" he snapped, looking at her sternly.

"It is a comrade's blood. The worst and best kind," said Lee nearly crying. "This is so-"

"What you signed up for," said Ibiki walking toward them.

"I know Ibiki-san. Forgive me," responded Lee, lacking his usual enthusiasm.

"Anything on the frequency disturbance?" asked Genma.

"We've identified the bodies. They had radios on them. Members of Root or something thereof and you guys got to them before any other clean up could, not that they'd be caught doing that. But they must have turned them off when Kakashi got close so he didn't hear the transmission. Beyond excellent job," stated Ibiki. "Good work on keeping close. We heard it all."

"They were Konoha?" asked Lee.

"Konoha ANBU," finished Ibiki. "Where's Haruno? She was there for the blast."

"She's in there with Tsunade," added Ino.

* * *

Down the hall in the emergency room, Tsunade moved swiftly through the room, as well as Sakura. A room she would not leave until she was dragged out and replaced by five other medics and doctors due to chakra exhaustion several hours later. But Sakura would stay. 

When she left the room, she was lead down the hallway, through the doors, and out to find Gemna who still sat, silently, waiting. Looking up at the Hokage, he waited for any remarks or comments she might have and prepared himself for the worst.

"Let go of me you ass, I'm not dead but our patient nearly is" snapped Tsunade in a rage. She had exhausted her chakra moments ago and was only getting in Sakura's way. She had already used so much when working on Tenzo, but it was the job of a teacher and mentor to know when to step down. To know when to hand it off. Then looking to Genma, she spoke in whispers. "You got him back just in time. Thanks to Sakura, Neji, and the small supply of O blood we had; we were able to perform a transfusion but that's not all he needs. There was something in the explosion that keeps stopping his heart. We had the same problem with Tenzo and are working on flushing out his system. We may need to do it again."

"But he's not dead, right?" asked Genma.

"Did you not hear what I just said?" snapped the Hokage. "Sakura's finishing up."

"What are you going to do with him when he wakes up? I mean, you're not going to arrest him are you?"

"I wasn't really going to in the first place. It was more of a detain and question kind of thing but I think some things have been made clear. So once he's up and going, he can go find that boy. Ibiki's already sent out a team to ask around but we'll need Kakashi to spot him unless of course he comes to us," she informed the brown haired man who sighed in relief.

"Why would he come to us?" he asked.

"I don't think he's done with Kakashi. I read that personal journal at least fifty times. As much of it as I could anyway and I believe we'll have a very confused child on our hands. I'm sending you home with a copy and only because you might be able to understand some of the things he says and doesn't say. He'll come around, I'm almost sure of it. Keep an eye on Sakura and keep an eye on him…should he make it out this time."

Down the hall in the operating room, Sakura had seemingly reached her frustration limit as the team struggled once again to start Kakashi's heart.

"You have blood, you are nearly sewn up, you are…somebody get me those blood test results," she snapped as the sound of a flat lined heart filled the room. She walked around quickly to the head of the table as a team began the process of massaging Kakashi's heart through near perfect chakra control, something Sakura had insisted be improved at the hospital as she rose in rank. Slapping him in the face, she yelled at him. "You will cooperate."

"Haruno-san," began one of the male doctors as if to correct her.

"What?" she spat. "He's stubborn and he responds well to my beatings. You've seen Naruto and Sasuke come around before after a healthy smack haven't you? I call it familiarization. Stimulate the senses with something he knows. Get back to work and flush his system again," knowing that a total system flush would work this time. It had to. And in two hours time, it would.

He'd been through the routine of waking from anesthesia and found that it was no different than any other time. It was the same coldness that wracked his body and made him shake uncontrollably, while his eyes maintained a sense of blurry vision that hid things in his immediate vicinity and blurred the world beyond. After the shaking subsided, Kakashi saw a woman with pink hair in front of him before the bed he was lying in was swept away down the hall. Finally coming to a stop, he noticed he was in a room occupied by one other man before falling asleep again.

* * *

During his six day stay at the hospital, Kakashi found himself staring at the ceiling more than he ever had before. But he was thankful to see it. Though he had awoken three days ago in a room with Tenzo and thought they were alone, a keen sense of smell picked out a hidden ANBU officer and the sense picked up on several more around their particular room. He worried for a second, after five boring hours of restricted movement and welcomed silence that his hearing that had been oddly affected undoubtedly by the concussion of the blasts. As the day wore on, he could feel the ringing subside as the distinct beeping of monitors plugged away in a steady rhythm. He was sure that any other time he would hate to hear the electronic beep but yet again, he was thankful to hear it. Spending the rest of the day staring out the window, night finally came and he closed his eyes. 

But each night for the next five days, he would hear Sakura sleepily enter a room he had been moved to, away from Tenzo. It bothered him not to be near his once teammate, as he showed weak signs of recuperation. Each night when Sakura came she would tell him that Tenzo was getting better. She would sit next to him because –

"I miss you."

And he would keep his eyes closed; trying not to hear her words but it was hard when she told him for what could be the first time ever-

"I love you."

And she would continue, her talking even if she knew he was asleep, which he was not by telling him that-

"I couldn't bring myself to think about anyone else. I understand why you went but- I'm so selfish," she would say strongly. "I just want to keep you to myself and I'm sorry about barging into the room like that," she would ramble. "I really am and I understand why you made me leave- both times. But you're beyond being a jerk sometimes. No, jerk isn't good enough," she would say before a long pause. "Sorry. It would be easier to be mad at you for some ridiculous reason but I can't be. I think if I were you, I'd do the same thing and I would hope that if you were me, you'd be sitting here with me."

And when she finally fell asleep each night, Kakashi would berate himself and tell himself that when she came the next night, he would talk to her. But for five nights, he did not because pushing her away had saved her from what Tenzo was enduring only a few rooms down from him.

* * *

Six Days Later

3PM

"Thou shalt not be an ass. Thou shalt not _especially_ be an ass to Haruno Sakura. And most importantly, thou shalt stay where I place thee," commanded Tsunade with a grin. Hearing nothing but a grumbled "damn you"- if that's what it was, she continued her lecture. "Clear? And thou shalt remain under watch by ANBU guard until I exorcise thee from this village so that you might find relief from thine own burdens and bring peace to this land. Satisfied?" she asked smirking again.

"I won't be."

"Then go," said Tsunade dismissing him. "Oh, and if you can remember anything…"

"You'll be the first to know."

8PM

Walking into her house and feeling guilty for not stopping by the hospital to check up on Tenzo and Kakashi, Sakura walked into the kitchen to find Ino cooking; something she rarely ever endeavored upon doing. Having spent six tiring days in the lab working to identify the properties of the herbs collected on Kakashi's mission, Sakura thought for a second that she forgot what real food looked like. A luxury she had taken for granted. Each night, she would stop by the hospital to check on the recovering pair and to no avail, they would be asleep and she would join them in the chair of their rooms. Forgoing her own need of having an energy supply, she found herself mindlessly munching granola bars.

"Home for the night?" asked Ino.

"Mmhmm," hummed Sakura tiredly.

"Well, before you clean up for dinner, I should tell you that there is a man sleeping in your bed and the good guy ANBU stationed near the house."

"I figured ANBU would be lurking around here but Kakashi's here already?"

"Mmhmm," hummed Ino opening the oven. "He's been asleep for about four hours so he's been staying out of trouble."

"Staying out of trouble?" asked Sakura.

"Don't worry, he's been good. Tsunade drugged the poor bastard up for good measure and shoved him out the door. They're still trying to flush his system out. He could be loopy for days. Anyways, he shows up on the doorstep stoned. So, I dragged him to the store to get some basic necessities and then I tucked him into bed. I think the store was too much though."

"Why?"

"Talk about some funny looks and some kids running away shouting 'Mommy! It's the wanted man.' Anyway, I made him shower before he went to bed so he'd relax- he's so uptight- anyways, he fell in the shower like twice and I thought for sure he was asleep the second time, so sorry if I caught a glimpse or two…or more," rambled Ino.

"Pig!"

"What, did you want me to just leave him there?"

"No," said Sakura softly. "It's just that-" she began softly before being cut off. "Was he asleep really?"

"The second time? Yes."

"He would sleep in the shower. So you caught a glimpse or two?"

"And a possible third. Maybe a double take…or two," mumbled the blond while rinsing lettuce for what had to be the biggest salad she would ever prepare. "Are you bothered by that? How could I not look?"

"No, it's not really that. I just, dammit, Pig. I haven't even seen beyond the man's chest let alone his naked ass. What if he's not interested anymore? Not that that's really my main concern right now, however, it does plague my mind."

"Forehead, you're crazy about him and I'm sure he understands and believe me, he's still interested. Oh! Don't tell him this but I checked on him a few minutes ago and he's sleeping like a baby. He's always kind of intimidated me but this is something new. He's like in fetal position, snoring and hugging your pillow. Too cute really. Ugh! You really should have some kids with this one," she said smiling but then she scrunched up her nose and squealed, "They'd be sooo cute." Only scoffing in return, Sakura let Ino continue. "It'll be fine. Hasn't he even kissed you yet?"

"Noooo. Well, on the back of my neck," sighed Sakura. "But it's not like there's been time for some heated action."

"There's been plenty of time and I'll have you know that one little kiss to the neck was probably the most intimate thing the either of you have done in a long time. Who else kisses you there? I'd have fucked him as soon as he walked through the door if he were Genma and had been gone for that long."

"Ino, I think if Genma had gone on this mission instead of Kakashi, you wouldn't have been. It was ugly and in our line of work, well, you know. Besides, Kakashi's newest definition of intimate probably deals with holding someone close while slitting their throat."

"Mmm, hence all the newish looking scars? And now a blown up house."

"Yeah. And it's not like he's really freaked out like Tsunade thought he would be. He's either gone off the deep end or just beyond actually caring about any of it," said Sakura getting up from the table and making her way to her bedroom.

"Maybe it's both or he's got too much on his plate to care right now," said Ino quietly.

"Yeah, tooo much on his plate or- whatever. I'm really not going to push it. He'll come around, I guess. Look how it happened last time we got involved."

"Mmm, yes. Surprise ,surprise," said Ino before a long pause. "Did you know that Genma passed the mission up and some other candidates? They really didn't want to pull Kakashi in but, Genma said he was their first choice."

"Then why didn't they ask him to begin with?"

"Tsunade wanted to keep him close for a while because there were some other missions that might have needed his attention but this one took precedent."

"Mmm, lovely timing," grumbled Sakura. "And did you know they haven't even given him a psych test yet?"

"Genma said Ibiki stopped by the other day to take a few passes through his mind and there's nothing to be too worried about. It was the same thing Tsunade's been telling you. He'll come around."

"Ino…do you think he slept with me because he knew he was leaving?"

"Naa. I think you did a good job breaking him in. It was only a matter of time before it happened. Maybe you just need to break him in again," she laughed. "He was so drugged up when he got here and he probably would have made for an easy lay."

"Yamanaka Ino, I would never."

"Whatever. You haven't been laid in over two years. You're just as bad as he is."

"And how do you know that?" demanded Sakura.

"Genma might have mentioned something about a personal journal he'd read. Something you might want to read."

"And did Genma allude to anything that might have been written?" asked Sakura, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Oh you know the usual. Deep thoughts, quiet thoughts, some really bad and random jokes, dirty thoughts…about you."

"I'd rather hear it from the horse's mouth. I'm going to go check on him," said Sakura with finality as she rounded the corner with purpose. Though she did not know really what her own purpose was to be; whatever it was, she would be sure to have a soft heart but a firm fist. It seemed to work on Kakashi in the past. Or at least it made him behave.

When she opened the door, she allowed just enough light to filter through as to see him. But he wasn't asleep, snoring into her pillow, nor was Kakashi in fetal position. Instead, he was lying on his right side seemingly staring at the wall until looking over to see Sakura. She shut the door and quietly walked over to a shoji screen floor lamp and turned it on. The soft light illuminated a corner of the room that housed a sleek lounge reading chair. After walking to his side of the bed, she knelt down and rested her head in her arms on the edge of the bed.

"Hey," she said softly.

Kakashi said nothing back but just looked at her for quite some time. He took in her appearance fully for what seemed like the first time since coming home. First was the loud color of her hair and he thought of how it had darkened over the years. He noticed the way she wore it; having retained a short style, he noticed that it was cut much choppier and layered this time around and decided he liked it. It spoke volumes about her personality- one he was sure had stayed the same but possibly a bit angrier than he had ever known her to be. The point cut tips set off the layers and allowed it to flow and hold its place but it showed her sharper side, as she had grown to become more sophisticated than she was even two years ago or the cut she had when she was fifteen. It suited her then, but her hair seemed to suit her now more than ever. He of course noticed the clothes she was wearing when she walked into the room but they seemed not to matter, as they were likely some dorky lab get up and he was quite sure she hated it. And she did.

He half smiled at the thought and Sakura could have sworn his nostril gave a slight flare before he admonished the smirk that began to form. What was there for him to smirk about- that would be his reasoning behind ridding his face and the light in his eye. And because, over the years, Sakura had come to know these things about him, she knew why the smile had faded; he would feel it was not his right to do so. But she was the only thing to make him smile while he was gone and in secret as he lay in bed at the hospital.

She didn't wait for his response because it was not needed. She could see more happening in the depth of one charcoal eye than she had seen in a very long time. Reaching her hand to his face, she twirled a choppy piece of silver hair that hung and softly smiled at him before running her hand through the rest of his hair.

Allowing himself one sigh, Kakashi closed his eye. He was stupid to think he could avoid her and he knew it just as he had known six days ago or however long it had been, right after he had sworn her off. But the look in her vibrant jade eyes told him she wanted something else from him when he finally opened both of his eyes. There was no need to say anything between the two of them because they knew what was going on around them and it didn't matter. It didn't matter for just this once that Tsunade had sent out a team to track down Aito and Kakashi was in Konoha, or that the Hatake house no longer stood, that there was a silent uprising brewing somewhere in Konoha, or that there were inscrutable herbs sitting in a lab. Because all of those things were so far away for the first time in two years for the pair. It wasn't selfish but rather, a need to have no needs.

So he smiled lightly at her again because he had heard the words she spoke to him at night when she was at the hospital while he tried to excommunicate himself from her presence. And the smile faded because of his own actions. He had failed in his objective but was still sure he was right for having done so.

If asked to deliver statistics concerning his predicament, Kakashi would guess that he was fifty percent sure that he wanted to kiss Sakura for hearing her tell him that she loved him so often but he would not. Something he hadn't heard before and she would believe he hadn't heard until he would tell her or she would tell him again. And fifty percent was sure enough or so he figured. Tsunade would take that bet and run with the odds being what they were but then again, he would leave that up to Sakura. He would leave the task of initiation to her because she had done so well the first time around and had been vigorous in her actions.

As if to read his mind, Sakura smiled at him, this time biting her lower lip. She raised her hand before his face and seemed to pinch a nonexistent object in between her thumb and fore finger.

"Do you want this, even just a little?" she asked him, deciding that nothing else needed to be said. It was enough to have him near her and he would talk when he was ready to. She knew that if she pushed him, she would run the risk of pushing too hard for her own sake and that their relationship would be based on a different kind of selfishness than it was before. This time around it was different, it wasn't gratuitous pleasure between two consenting adults; there was much more at stake and all because of one evanescent statement: "I think I love you."

"Right now, do you prefer this?" she asked leaning in and kissing him softly on the forehead. "Or maybe this?" she asked stopping herself before pressing soft lips lightly to his own in an unsure kiss; a chance she would take.

And as unsure as Kakashi's response would be when Sakura pulled away, it was his turn to decide and at the last moment he hesitated, leaning in and press his fifty-fifty percent sure and unsure lips to tip of her nose, telling her that yes and no he didn't- when really, he wanted her too much. He had conveyed what he needed to her by meeting her in the middle for a brief kiss and to Sakura, it was appropriate. Not feeling hurt, pushed away, or rejected, the things she understood about Kakashi, while sitting next to Ibiki at the dispatch desk- the thoughts that bordered on being questions and answers as to his behavior- ceased to plague her mind. It was enough and it was enough for now as he seemed to tell her what she wanted to tell him; something she discovered she needed to say to him in that very moment.

"I just need my friend back first but you can't blame me if I shamelessly flirt with you," she said quietly. "A couple of years can do a lot to a woman," she said with a smile he had never seen before. Because if it were at all possible, the ever mature Sakura had grown even more.

In reply to her statement and as to tell her he wanted the same but seemingly a little more, Kakashi moved away from the edge of the bed and flipped the covers away from his body as if to ask her if she would just lay down and be still with him. Nodding, she rose and walked over toward her dresser and began the search for pajamas; preferably light ones so she wouldn't over heat while being held by him or holding him in the night. Changing before him as she had when he returned, she watched as he shifted in his place of comfort, her bed, but this time he allowed himself to watch her and only halfway through it as if to say again- 'I'll meet you in the middle,'- or now; because he stole one last glance before turning his head away as she slipped her bra from her frame.

Letting out a heavy sigh, Sakura wasn't sure if it was because she no longer felt contained and wrapped up tight by the tormenting necessity or because for once she knew where she stood and it was as best as Kakashi could convey his thoughts and feelings to her. It was not a silent treatment but a silence that spoke volumes about how he actually felt; it was a reminder to her of how he used to be and she knew that if she thought too hard on it, she would find it to be very cruel. There was no tension, rush, or anxiety to his actions but a simple reminder that the man before her still carried pieces of the man he used to be and the man he wanted to become again. She was sure the usual cadence of his speech would return, the calm energy he exuded so well, and what she missed so much; his smile because it was on reserve for her and her alone. It seemingly always had been since he figured out that she had grown up.

When she finally crawled into bed next to Kakashi and drew herself tight against him, Sakura knew she would be falling asleep with a man who knew only half of what he wanted and half of what he felt; possibly even half of who he was at the moment. But before he closed his eyes to that evening entirely, he carefully kissed her on the cheek as if to tell her that he wanted her a little more than he let on. And in a way, when prompted by Sakura and her actions from even three years ago, he always did want her a little more than he let on. It was, for the rest of the night, to be just a little bit more than fifty-fifty.


End file.
